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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go apeshit about pictures of me on the internet!!!

77 replies

WelshCat · 13/08/2012 19:09

Jesus fucking christ.

I just went on Facebook to delete all the old messages from my inbox on there (because it has apparently saved them from the beginning of time) and I came across one I sent to my abusive ex when he tried to 'friend' me on there a few years ago.

So, being an idiot I thought I would have a quick look at his profile, and there I found a picture of ME in his bed, 19 years old, wearing a very skimpy playboy bunny outfit (which he bought me and made me wear btw). I am not naked, and my boobs are not out. But still, on Facebook???? It was added about 3 years after we split up, and a few people have commented on it appalled that he put it up there because its not his current mrs. I however am appalled that its been on there for 3 years and I didn't know! I'm mortified!

Save your shit about not allowing people to take pictures of you in situations like this, because I was 19, he was 36, and I ended up living in a hostel for abused women after dating him for 6 months. So its not like I did it fully by choice.

So, WIBU to send him a message asking him not very politely to take it down, or should I just try to forget about it???

OP posts:
GhostShip · 13/08/2012 19:40

Beat me to it pluto :o

CaseyShraeger · 13/08/2012 19:44

I'd actually be inclined to get other people to complain on the basis that the image is pornographic and there is areola showing (even if there isn't). Not all at once, or it looks like an orchestrated campaign, but every few weeks. If you could arrange for the people reporting to have no obvious connection with you or ex on FB that would be even better.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2012 19:46

FB have a no nipple policy but if the photo got taken down for having a nipple in it when it doesn't, he'd probably point that out to FB and have it put back.

JumpingThroughHoops · 13/08/2012 19:47

Who took the pictures? Sadly the photographer has copyright.

Personally, as it's public domain, I'd take it to the police. If you were in a hostel and manipulated, then there is background.

OR. You can front it out with "I am just so gorgeous he can't forget me, poor fool, I forgot about him"

Screen shot it, date it, save it. You never know when you might need it.

VegansTasteBetter · 13/08/2012 19:55

Don't think the age thing is relevant if she is covered though? A "bunny suit" would cover the OP and not be any worse than what most 14 year old's sadly post of themselves anyway.

Original poster
WelshCat · 13/08/2012 20:36

I might try to complain to Facebook based on the abuse. But I don't think I would get the police involved. I have calmed down and am very glad I did not contact him now. I did not have DS when I was with him and would not want to put him in danger by drawing this mans attention to me again.

I am gutted about it though :(

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 13/08/2012 21:04

Do not contact him. Don't let him back into your life in any way shape or form. I was actually thinking about a solicitor's letter but tbh even that just says to him 'I still have power over this woman.' If you aren't tagged then at least people aren't going to 'find' it and associate it with you, iyswim.

I do totally understand why you're upset though ((hugs))

solidgoldbrass · 13/08/2012 21:08

Maddening as it is, you're best off just putting it, and him, out of your mind.

Needstotidyup · 13/08/2012 21:09

Don't give him any more power over you. Ignore it its already been seen so can't cause any further damage.

mylovelyladylumps · 13/08/2012 21:21

Thanks Wine Wine Wine

Original poster
WelshCat · 13/08/2012 21:25

Thanks guys :)

OP posts:
JumpingThroughHoops · 13/08/2012 21:37

OR ...deny everything and say is photoshopped if asked

Boondoggle · 13/08/2012 21:44

Easy: when FB refuse to take it down because it is not pornographic and is not your intellectual property, tell them you are considering taking action under your Article 8 Human Rights (right to respect for your private and family life). As a private individual, you had the reasonable expectation when the photo was taken by your then boyfriend that it would remain private. It's publication breaches your Article 8 rights.

In real terms this is arguable either way but I bet Facebook would go a long way to avoid a public court case on this very hot topical issue, which, if it went against it, would seriously undermine its business model.

Gimmeecoffee · 13/08/2012 21:44

I had this sort of problem last month, I just reported the photo, selected my reason why and it was taken straight of. Fb didn't contact the person either to tell them who and why it was taken off.

Boondoggle · 13/08/2012 21:44

ITS publication. Wretched iPhone autocorrect.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 13/08/2012 21:45

Report to facebook as they will take it down if the picture is of you and you don't want it there.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2012 21:45

You must be joking Boon. Facebook don't give a shit and I imagine their lawyers are faced with this sort of thing all day, every day.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2012 21:47

Can you imagine how many people contact them to say things like.."My friend has a photo of me in her album and I don't like it because my muffin top is hanging out...or you can see my bra strap"?

Seriously, they have a policy and they stick to it.

SirBoobAlot · 13/08/2012 21:48

FB remove breastfeeding photos on a daily basis, so complain about it, and if you can stand to show it to other people get them to complain about it too. Best of luck, can understand why you're upset.

Serenitysutton · 13/08/2012 21:50

I was also going to suggest saying that you were 14 or something. Intact fuck it say you were forced into it at 14 and he has since been "apprenhended by the authorities" but is still "distributing" these photos. The legality doesn't matter all that much- it's still FBs decision whether they remove it and if you set a scene enough they might. Give it a go.

BonzoDooDah · 13/08/2012 21:52

From what Gimmeecoffee says I'd ask for it to be taken down. Then it isn't gnawing at you. If it is 3 years old he won't be looking at it regularly so won't notice it's gone and when he does he won't know when or who.

So sorry for you though. What a shit time that must have been for you. Sounds like things are better now.

Boondoggle · 13/08/2012 21:56

No Worra, not joking. Actually I am a media/IP lawyer and have written just such a letter on similar facts for a client and FB removed it immediately. They just do not want to risk setting a precedent if a case like this ever got to court.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2012 22:02

Boon...this is a photo of a woman wearing a bunny outfit Hmm

I'm not saying she shouldn't ask FB if they'll remove it...but human rights act?

Nope Lol!

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 13/08/2012 22:02

Well its certainly worth a try if they say no.

Boondoggle · 13/08/2012 22:03

You're right Worra, what would I know? I only do this for a living!

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