... to think we, the grown-ups, should have the attic room and our two year old daughter should not!

[Carrie1983]

My husband. Arghhhhh!

We have just moved from a beautiful house, which we extended and renovated, to the point we were able to sell it for more than other same-size homes on the cul-de-sac were valued at/selling for. We hadn't quite got to market, someone came to look round, saw it, put an offer in there and then. That was the first week of April. We moved into an unloved house that needs much work, 3 weeks ago. It needed electrical work before we could move in, so we stayed with my mum. It is about the same size as the old house, but has a massive garden (which is why we moved - we have a child now), and whereas our last house was divided into three doubles and a box room/fitted office, this one is three big doubles including a huge attic room. In the last house we had a family bathroom and en-suite shower room; in this house, it's a 'family' bathroom with shower over the bath, and the bath is under the window, so you shower between two shower curtains! Obviously we are going to renovate the place and everything will change, but the size of that bathroom cannot be changed without eating into the third bedroom's size, and we don't want to do that. Our office area will be at the end of the landing as that's a big enough area.

So anyway, when we looked round the house, we thought it would be nice for our two year old daughter to have the attic room, as we could imagine her bringing friends home and having sleep-overs, then as she gets older having her own space to get away from us. However, when we moved in, it really became apparent (to me) that a) we needed to find a way to fit in an en-suite somewhere; b) the en-suite would only really work in the attic room; c) we, as the grown-ups, should have the attic room as our daughter's playroom (until a 2nd child maybe comes along) will be the third bedroom which is next door to the 2nd bedroom and the family bathroom.

We do have a downstairs loo.

There are several factors: we both feel we want a shower cubicle, and I have actually slipped many times climbing out of a shower bath (we considered an omnitub); we need a bath for our daughter, and we both enjoy a bath from time to time; we can't fit both in the bathroom; our daughter is 2 and if we are all on the same floor and have the attic as spare/playroom, we will disturb her sleep when we get up for the loo/shower late or early. His only surrender, is to say she can have an en-suite shower room in her attic room, but that we are not having that room ourselves.

Now, I have tried explaining a number of issues to my husband, that influence this, and I'm hoping some other parents might see my point. Having been a nanny (now a teacher), for many years before having my own child, I have encountered a fair few toileting issues/ logistical issues, and want to avoid them now while we have a chance to get the layout sorted. So:

1. Imagine our daughter has the attic room, she wakes up at 2am desperate for a wee, she has to walk across her room, down a flight of stairs and along a long landing, before getting to a loo. I see accidents;
2. I often have my shower after she goes to bed/before she gets up - what's the point having a shower cubicle I can't use, as I will end up needing to shower over the bath if the shower cubicle is in her room;
3. If she has the 3rd room and we have the 2nd room, we will disturb her;
4. If we have the attic room with no en-suite, it will be a pain in the wobbly backside to have to trundle down the stairs every time I need a pee (when I was growing up, we had a downstairs bathroom and loo, and I used to lie in bed to the point of tears of discomfort because I didn't want to get up in the cold/dark to go!).

I have lost my train of thought really, but am I being unreasonable to expect that we have the attic room and add an en-suite so that a shower cubicle and a third floor loo can be achieved? The 2nd room is not much smaller than the attic room (we are talking a couple of feet either way), and it is next door to the third room which will be the spare room/playroom, and the family bathroom so that she has close access to a loo.

My husband's concers: she will be stolen by a burglar and we won't know; when she is 15 and rebels, she will escape and we won't know; it is quieter up in the attic away from the downstairs noise, so nicer for her; it's like a big den for her.

I'm thinking that, as a growing girl, I'd rather have had my own bathroom and playroom next door to my bedroom, than my own stairs and an attic bedroom and having to run down a flight of stairs to the loo!!

Op, what about if you do have more children? Will they share the attic room or will one be downstairs in another bedroom? In which case, isn't your husband concerned about favouritism???

Whoah, I'd love to have a dilemma like this!

Your husband is being rather PFB.

For God's sake YOU need the attic room and ensuite now. (or as soon as it;s ready) Your DD may or may not need it when she's older. If you're still in the house in over 10 years time you can address that problem then. Put in an alarm system so you don't worry so much-- about burgars. And a baby monitoring system so you can hear her from your room upstairs.

saftey gates can be fitted to the stairs

Right, have read all the responses now. Thank you!

We probably won't be here when she is 15, you're right. The layout is first floor - 2 doubles and the bathroom; third floor - large attic room. The house suits us - we needed a bigger garden and somewhere quieter for our daughter; the pay-off of buying a old Victorian workman's cottage, is that you get a small bathroom because they weren't built with them.

I think my husband and I just have different ideas of what we need in the house to make it work for us all.

I think we'd disturb our daughter because the third bedroom is right next to the bathroom; in the good old days, they would have been one big room as the bathroom would have been out in the concrete outhouse.

She wouldn't be coming down the stairs as we have stairgates, but once she is toilet trained, that will be an issue, you're right, as we won't be able to do that as she won't be able to get to the loo!!

Argh, it's just difficult trying to get the layout right for everyone, ie, deciding which rooms are best for everyone. If we can't have an en-suite, we can live - it's not a huge deal as long as we have somewhere to get clean!! I just want my daughter to have the room/space that best works for her, and for us to have a room that we can feel comfortable in.

burglars, sorry.

It's lovely being able to escape the mayhem of our two up at the top.
If he's that bothered about sneaking in/out, get a house alarm which has sensors on the door that always beep when the door is opened!

haventgotaclue - exactly! We are actually trying for another baby at the moment... I assume he wants them to share regardless of gender!

Lots of varying responses and lots of good points to consider - thanks!

We were all on the same floor in the last house and it wasn't a big problem, it is just the proximity of the bathroom to her possible bedroom that might be a problem, although she isn't that light a sleeper I suppose. There is no reason why the attic room couldn't be the spare room/playroom - just as nice for her.

Just as an aside then: do lots of people have shower over bath layouts? We always did until we did our last house up, and we coped fine. I guess I just got used to being spoilt. My husband reckons we should do away with the bath, but that's another argument entirely!!!

Im always fearing someone would break in & steal my child. Its not happened yet. As for sneaking out. I used to on a few occasions snuck out of my parents house & i shared a room with my older sister. My parents bedroom is right at the top of the stairs & yet no1 heard me walking along the creaky floorboards. If kids want to sneak out they will.

I got confused about all the baths & ensuites so have no comment about them or than maybe you should have thought about all this before you bought the house.

If your DH can't control his PFBness, the cheapest solution is to get an alarm system.

If I were you I would leave child in the attic simply because I wouldn't like years of going down two stories just to reach the kitchen (yeah... I love my midnight snacks).

Put a bathroom (no shower in the attic). Make the current bathroom a shower room, if the current bathroom is next to your bedroom you can make it an ensuite.

We inherited a separate shower cubicle to our bath when we bought this house.

Burglars stealing your DD is probably not an issue, but fire escape issues might be. Is there easy access to a window in the attic room, what are the stairs like, could you get up there quickly to grab her? If you were panicking and couldn't see very well?

You could put a potty upstairs for her until you remove the stairgates - not really an issue.

We have a shower over the bath upstairs. I don't feel that we are suffering dreadfully as a result of this.

All attic conversions have to have windows that can be used as a fire escape.

I think I've given the impression we have moved into a perfect house that we just want to rip apart because it doesn't work for us. To put it in perspective a bit: there is a downstairs loo that looks like it might be about 30 years old, and there is a small upstairs bathroom which looks at least 20+ years old - there is a hole in the bath which has been siliconed over, and the bath panel is in bits! The kitchen has 2x manky old cupboards. My husband is a joiner/carpenter who makes kitchens for a living. When we looked at the house, we knew what we had done to our old house and that it was possible to inject some love back into this one. Whilst we are doing that, we want to take the opportunity to add/take away things that might make it work better for us now/in the short to long term until we probably sell up and move on in 10 or so years' time. There aren't any things we need to do to make it work - it has a suitable layout for a small family of 3-4, but because we have a bit of equity from our sale and this needed lots of work anyway, it's a chance to do things the best way for us.

My husband and I just have different ideas what that is. I wonder if an en-suite might cost too much to put in anyway.

Our attic has a dorma type window that opens like a normal window. Hell of a drop though!!

PS - this wasn't a conversion. I thought it was until about 2 or 3 weeks ago, but it is original and was the weaving room (a row of 4 weavers' cottages). But yes, it has a window suitable for escape.

You should have your bedroom where it suits you
Your DC won't actually care where she is at 2
Your DH should be more concerned about attic windows, stairs etc than your DD being kidnapped or escaping. YANBU

We have a very similar arrangement in our house, except that it wasn't feasible to put a shower room in our attic. We converted the loft when DC2 came along, and we moved into it. DC1 and DC2 then a had a 1st floor bedroom each.

In your shoes, I would do the following:

• DD on the first floor , close to the bathroom. She'll need access to the loo when you start toilet training, and you don't want her to have to walk downstairs from the attic to do it. You also need to consider whether you have a window in the attic as fire escape window, in which case you won't easily be able to fit window locks.

• Put a stair gate at the top of the stairs which lead from the first floor down to the ground floor. That way she can't go downstairs, and no intruder could easily get to the first floor either (without making a noise).

• Install a shower room in the attic.

• You and DH either sleep in the room next to DD with a view to moving upstairs when she's older, leaving the attic as a guest room (you could use the shower when no guests are there); or you sleep in the attic room.

We've never had an issue with sleeping on a different floor. We'd leave the doors open so we could hear the children when they were younger.

If it were me I'd sleep on the same floor as my dd - i.e. not use the attic room as a bedroom. You could put a shower up there and use it as the playroom/spare room.

That way you're close by to check on her and would hear if she got up in the night.

You can always change the arrangement if you have a second dc, or as she gets older.

My friends kids HATED sleeping in the attic & ended up in bed with their parents all the time!! Personally I would want to be on the same level for if dd needed me in the night but if she 's a good sleeper that may not be an issue.

Children get used to their environment. She will get used to the house's noises and having a bathroom next to her room won't be a major disturbance to her sleep.

When I was a student I stupidly rented a room in a building next to a railway. I started waking up at 5 with the first train and then every 20 minutes until I was properly out of bed. After 10 days, I couldn't hear the trains even if I was awake.

I wouldn't worry about burglars but I would worry about a fire.
Three story houses are dangerous for lo's in that respect and house builders do this because of the lack of ground space.
What if there was a fire and your child is on a different floor,would she know how to get out if she was on her own?