... to think we, the grown-ups, should have the attic room and our two year old daughter should not!

[Carrie1983]

My husband. Arghhhhh!

We have just moved from a beautiful house, which we extended and renovated, to the point we were able to sell it for more than other same-size homes on the cul-de-sac were valued at/selling for. We hadn't quite got to market, someone came to look round, saw it, put an offer in there and then. That was the first week of April. We moved into an unloved house that needs much work, 3 weeks ago. It needed electrical work before we could move in, so we stayed with my mum. It is about the same size as the old house, but has a massive garden (which is why we moved - we have a child now), and whereas our last house was divided into three doubles and a box room/fitted office, this one is three big doubles including a huge attic room. In the last house we had a family bathroom and en-suite shower room; in this house, it's a 'family' bathroom with shower over the bath, and the bath is under the window, so you shower between two shower curtains! Obviously we are going to renovate the place and everything will change, but the size of that bathroom cannot be changed without eating into the third bedroom's size, and we don't want to do that. Our office area will be at the end of the landing as that's a big enough area.

So anyway, when we looked round the house, we thought it would be nice for our two year old daughter to have the attic room, as we could imagine her bringing friends home and having sleep-overs, then as she gets older having her own space to get away from us. However, when we moved in, it really became apparent (to me) that a) we needed to find a way to fit in an en-suite somewhere; b) the en-suite would only really work in the attic room; c) we, as the grown-ups, should have the attic room as our daughter's playroom (until a 2nd child maybe comes along) will be the third bedroom which is next door to the 2nd bedroom and the family bathroom.

We do have a downstairs loo.

There are several factors: we both feel we want a shower cubicle, and I have actually slipped many times climbing out of a shower bath (we considered an omnitub); we need a bath for our daughter, and we both enjoy a bath from time to time; we can't fit both in the bathroom; our daughter is 2 and if we are all on the same floor and have the attic as spare/playroom, we will disturb her sleep when we get up for the loo/shower late or early. His only surrender, is to say she can have an en-suite shower room in her attic room, but that we are not having that room ourselves.

Now, I have tried explaining a number of issues to my husband, that influence this, and I'm hoping some other parents might see my point. Having been a nanny (now a teacher), for many years before having my own child, I have encountered a fair few toileting issues/ logistical issues, and want to avoid them now while we have a chance to get the layout sorted. So:

1. Imagine our daughter has the attic room, she wakes up at 2am desperate for a wee, she has to walk across her room, down a flight of stairs and along a long landing, before getting to a loo. I see accidents;
2. I often have my shower after she goes to bed/before she gets up - what's the point having a shower cubicle I can't use, as I will end up needing to shower over the bath if the shower cubicle is in her room;
3. If she has the 3rd room and we have the 2nd room, we will disturb her;
4. If we have the attic room with no en-suite, it will be a pain in the wobbly backside to have to trundle down the stairs every time I need a pee (when I was growing up, we had a downstairs bathroom and loo, and I used to lie in bed to the point of tears of discomfort because I didn't want to get up in the cold/dark to go!).

I have lost my train of thought really, but am I being unreasonable to expect that we have the attic room and add an en-suite so that a shower cubicle and a third floor loo can be achieved? The 2nd room is not much smaller than the attic room (we are talking a couple of feet either way), and it is next door to the third room which will be the spare room/playroom, and the family bathroom so that she has close access to a loo.

My husband's concers: she will be stolen by a burglar and we won't know; when she is 15 and rebels, she will escape and we won't know; it is quieter up in the attic away from the downstairs noise, so nicer for her; it's like a big den for her.

I'm thinking that, as a growing girl, I'd rather have had my own bathroom and playroom next door to my bedroom, than my own stairs and an attic bedroom and having to run down a flight of stairs to the loo!!

Good lord.

Why on earth did you buy a house that doesn't suit you?

Good God - how the other half live!

My husband and I have the attic room, with a loo and shower, and none of our four kids have been abducted or escaped as yet. ;o)

I think your husband has a point about the 15 yr old on the floor below you being able to sneak out/sneak people in

what about the toddler getting out of bed and padding downstairs and you not hearing her, whereas you would if she had to go past your room?

And - your bedroom is just your bedroom. For your child, it is the only space in the house that's theirs, so it's nicer if it's a bigger space. If it has en suite, so much the better!

As a child - I would rather have had the attic room!

Stolen by a burglar and you wouldn't know? Does this happen a lot? How pfb is that????

Sorry I gave up after the second paragraph.

En suites and bathrooms aside, why would you put a 2 year old in an attic room with stairs? What if she falls down the stairs at night?

Ok. I'm sorry but I'm baffled.
So you want to have the attic room and build an en suite there?
And DH wants Dc to have the attic room?
And you don't like the bathroom/no shower thing and that's why you want the attic with the en suite?
Is that right?

Convert the shed, put a bucket in it. Problem solves

Why would you wake her up if you were both on one floor?

There's two adults permanently sharing a smaller, pokier room so that a two year old may one day be able to have a sleepover/ have a den? Wise up.

If I've got that right, I wouldn't put a 2 year old in an attic room yet.

Is there no room on the same floor with the crappy shower that she can have so you are all on the same floor or did I miss the point?

If your daughter is only 2 can you really see yourselves being in the same house when she is 15? You should have the attic room. If this house doesn't suit your needs, do it up and sell it on.

why would you put a 2 year old in an attic room with stairs? What if she falls down the stairs at night?

Do yo live in a bungalow then?

I wouldn't want my child to be a flight of steps below me - personally I'd not use the attic for myself or a child so young - I'd both be on the same floor for now and decide who gets the attic when she's a bit older and perhaps you have another child. I'd use the attic as a spare room for a couple of years.
My eldest SD is on the floor below us which we weren't terribly happy about, but that was when she was 12 and we had a new baby so gave SD the option of the bigger bedroom downstairs (it's not ground level, it's a 3 storey house)

Firstly you need to calm down a bit.

Your plan sounds OK.

I think the idea that someone will take your child in your locked house is a bit odd.

You just need to to have a long talk about this calmly. Whichever way it goes things will be OK.

YANBU.

Of course you and your dh should have the room which is most able to contain 2 adults and an ensuite.

I really wouldn't worry about what happens when she's 15 - there's a long way to go until then. If you manage the next 13 years reasonably well, there's no reason to expect her to go sneaking off in the middle of the night, ever.

As for someone sneaking in and swiping your child now, well . Don't you lock your downstairs doors and windows at night anyway? How would a burgler know you were in the attic? Seems a bit pfb to me.

Finally (and I appreciate this might be a bit personal so please ignore), if you do plan or hope to have other dcs, it might be quite nice to have them all together on one floor, using the 'family' bathroom, and some space/peace & quiet for you and dh to escape to upstairs.

I think your husband is being PFB!

If a burglar can creep into your house and take a 2 yr old with no noise, it won't matter if she's on the floor below you or in the attic room. Perhaps suggest to him that good security house-wide would be a better area to focus his attention?

The loo issue is a good one -the easier it is to get to the loo, the less accidents, and the more successful toilet training will be.

What you choose now can be changed later on, so maybe include that in the discussion - attic room with ensuite for adults for the first 5-10 years, and then look at rearranging the house? At that stage you might have more money and ideas to get an ensuite into the 1st floor (and maybe your DH will be so settled in the attic room that you won't need to move!)

Also about a 15 yr old escaping - I sleep like a log, my house has creaky boards all over, and my 15 yr old DD could have a party in the house and I wouldn't hear it. So if she wanted to escape, she will

(my cousin lives in a house with the main bedroom and 1 other on the first floor, there are 2-3 other bedrooms downstairs, but her DH says he will never let his children sleep downstairs because of burglars - he'd rather they murdered him and his DW in their beds instead. So if they have more children they will be moving downstairs and giving the kids the fabulous main bedroom...) So your DH is not alone....

Old Grey Wiffle Test - if only you knew! It's a 3 bed Victorian house... hence the small bathroom.

The house does suit us, or will when the work is done. We would not have bought it if it had not needed work doing, as we wouldn't have been able to apply the little changes needed (ie, it has two cupboards in the kitchen...).

We only have the one downstairs bathroom. The children do manage to get to the loo even though it is downstairs and through the whole of the rest of the house. Our dd will shortly be adding another flight of stairs as she moves into the loft bedroom. You really don't disturb children that easily at night either. May, many, many people survive with children sleeping on the same floor as them and with bathrooms on the same floor without waking their children all the time. Oh and personally I prefer being on teh same floor as them when little, I can't imagine a little 2 year old who has had a nightmare having to negotiate the flight of stairs up to the attic to find mummy and daddy.

Anyway why don't you both draw up some designs and some lists of pros and cons then compare and talk to each other.

Plus. Life's too short. You have no way of knowing how the dynamic will change when you have more than one child and as they grow up a bit. Take it easy.

You have the attic room now. If it becomes apparent when she is a teenager that it would work better for her to have it, swap then!

I'm in the attic room, never thought of any issues with the kids being below us. Dds are 4 and 1. For me the biggest benefit is being able to talk in bed without fear of waking them (kids are/were light sleepers). I wouldn't change it for world (house shopping at the mo and WON'T consider all bedrooms on same floor!)

We have the attic room, they have the middle floor to themselves. They still haven't been taken by burglars!

just go into the attic room and swap when needed.

For a two year old we'd be on the same floor for a few years, then decide when they get older and can take themselves to the loo on the middle of the night.

No don't live in a bungalow, but I'd be weary about putting a 2 year old in a room that he can only leave by going down some stairs at night. At aged 2, dd often used to come into our bed at night, but she only walked across the landing.