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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want an adults only birthday party......

75 replies

pestooneverything · 13/08/2012 10:22

It's my birthday on Saturday and I have invited 6 couples round for an afternoon BBQ going into an evening party. (3 couples have kids under 5. We have a 2.5 yr old)

In the invite I said that children were welcome till 7.30pm after which it was grown up time and please could they either be taken home or collected by Grandparents. We live in a small town where all my friends and parents live too so it isn't a biggie to call on Grandparents for a bit of babysitting.

I did this because I want to be able to get merry, chat about stuff which isn't for kiddie ears, relax without getting drinks for kiddies etc etc and swear if i want! We don't get a lot of adult time as friends as it mostly revolves around the kids and DH and I, and the childless couples are really looking forward to a grown up evening!

I saw my friend this morning and asked her what she was going to do with the kids, i.e. take them home for bed, or get the gparents to collect them and she said that she was just going to let them stay up late as long as they could manage. I just said, well i am putting DS to bed at 7.30 so they are welcome to bath and PJ at ours and sleep in a spare bed if they'd like. She then said that they'd probably just keep them up...

How do I address this, I don't want sleepy grumpy toddlers running round my garden late at night.

AIBU???!!!

OP posts:

xMumof3x · 13/08/2012 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 13/08/2012 10:24

yanbu in as far as it's your birthday and you should can ask to have it how you want.

however, I think you will have to accept that people may not want to come if they have to go home at 7.30 or arrange a babysitter to come over and collect the children and put them to bed

you may have been better off just having an evening do with no kids invited because then people could get the kids to bed, get the babysitter round and then come over.

danteV · 13/08/2012 10:27

Yanbu. But you should expect some people to decline or leave and not return. Not everyone has babysitters on tap, unfortunately.

FreeBirdsFlying · 13/08/2012 10:28

Happy Birthday. I've no advice but can I come? Damn right I'll leave the kids at home.

Trills · 13/08/2012 10:29

YANBU. You've made it very easy for them to let you have this grownup time (they don't need to pay for a babysitter or organise favours with grandparents).

HecateHarshPants · 13/08/2012 10:29

Tell her. Spell it out. Tell her that you understand if that means she can't stay, but you are doing it this way so that you have time to relax on your birthday and have a few drinks without worrying about children all over the place.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/08/2012 10:30

It would be tough for us because there are no relatives and childcare is expensive. Is this your friend's situation?

Mama1980 · 13/08/2012 10:31

Yanbu but you might have to accept that people won't come/will leave early. Despite me having gp locally babysitters are not very easy to arrange. I also want to come

Trills · 13/08/2012 10:31

MRsTP - the friend has been offered the option of putting her child to bed at the OP's house in a spare bed. So no childcare required.

Original poster

pestooneverything · 13/08/2012 10:32

All the people with kids have 2 sets of grandparents, and siblings in the same town who often babysit so i know babysitting isn't an issue.

I wouldn't mind if they did leave at 7.30 when it's 'grown up' time.

What should I say to my friend? Maybe a text just saying that I'll make up the spare beds incase she wants to put her boys down to sleep here when it comes to grown up time? SURELY she'd get the hint????

OP posts:

YellowDinosaur · 13/08/2012 10:32

Like MrsTerrypratchett it would be hard for us but I wouldn't use this as an excuse to ignore what you had (reasonably) asked for.

YANBU. explain as Hecate suggests.

McHappyPants2012 · 13/08/2012 10:32

Yanbu, i mean you are providing a room for her children. you just don't want children around while you talk and drink in peace.

ben5 · 13/08/2012 10:32

I want to come to but I dont have anyone to babysit:-( Just tell your friend

Original poster

pestooneverything · 13/08/2012 10:33

Hell Yeah! you guys can all come!
kids not welcome after 7.30pm but a load of random mumsnetters would be awesome!!!

OP posts:

HecateHarshPants · 13/08/2012 10:34

No. She won't. She's been very clear about it.

And that means you need to be.

And if you feel you can't be, then you are going to have to accept that her children will be running all over the place and will likely end up really grumpy through tiredness.

And your other friends may well be pissed off, having made arrangements for their children.

CrapBag · 13/08/2012 10:34

YANBU to want it as adults only but you do have to accept that people may not have grandparents to just nip around and take them children. In that case they should take up your offer to let the children go to bed or the polite thing to do would be to say that they will have to leave as well then, or can't the other half of the couple take them home?

You should say to your friend "did you not see the bit about the evening being adults only?" in a polite tone of voice. I wouldn't want young children around when I am trying to have a conversation either and its not like you are leaving them out completely as they are all invited in the afternoon. I think your friend is probably hoping you will not question what she has said to you. That may then make other friends wonder why they had to get babysitters as well.

YellowDinosaur · 13/08/2012 10:35

And don't hint.

Just explain that you really don't want kids about in the evening as you'd like to have kid free time to celebrate your birthday. That she can either choose to take her ds home / get him collected or put him to bed at yours. That if she doesn't like the sounds of either of these options maybe the 2 of you can spend the evening together another time.

FreeBirdsFlying · 13/08/2012 10:35

You could text her that you don't feel comfortable having little toddlers running around adults who are having more than a few drinks and that they can either go to bed in your house or go home with a babysitter.

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2012 10:36

I think you need to phone her and say, "I've been thinking about what you were saying about your children staying up late. I don't want any children here after 7.30 - I want some adult time. What do you think you can do about your children?"

If she then says she wants them to stay up, you will have to repeat, "But I don't want any children there after 7.30 - it's an adult party."

ClaireRacing · 13/08/2012 10:36

I think you have made life difficult for yourself by having 2 adjacent parties with all the same people involved. It would have been easier just to have the evening event.

AMumInScotland · 13/08/2012 10:37

YANBU - tell her you plan to get drunk and swear and talk loudly about sex from 7:30 onwards, so you'd prefer the children to be out of earshot by then. And then do it.

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2012 10:37

I agree with Claire. Could you change the invitations so that the party starts at 7.30?

FreeBirdsFlying · 13/08/2012 10:38

Woooohoo.

Plane fare ?100
Outfit ?80
Birthday present ?50
Night away from the kids getting sloshed.......priceless.

Ephiny · 13/08/2012 10:39

YANBU, I doubt most parents would want or expect their toddlers to be at an adult's birthday party in the evening anyway. It may mean that some people have to go home early if they don't have anyone to babysit, but that's just the reality of having friends with small children I guess!

Original poster

pestooneverything · 13/08/2012 10:39

Yes yellow you're right, i won't be able to hint. I will just say to her that come 7.30 her kids either have to bath and bed down or head home.

She's all about the children so will no doubt think i'm hugely unreasonable! Keep your eyes peeled for her thread!!!

OP posts:

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