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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think not stopping your child screaming out the window is rude?

109 replies

Pippinintherain · 13/08/2012 09:18

The house we back on to has a child who stands at an open window and screams, top of her voice for hours.

We've been woken up at between 5 and 6 am at least 3 times a week by it and yesterday afternoon she stood there for 2 hours doing it.

No-one tells her to stop, she is about 7ish but has some LD. I know it isn't her fault but surely you would move her away or encourage her to do something else.

We sleep with the window closed and earplugs in yet it still wakes us up.

I feel a right bitch for being irritated but grrrr.

Flame away.

OP posts:
DozyDuck · 13/08/2012 10:05

Would you rather SS ring you saying someone is concerned or the people to raise the concerns themselves? I know what I'd prefer. Their lives are probably hard enough as it is without a shock like that. Even if it is well meaning, some people still see SS as the big bad guys and it could be very scary

threesocksmorganwinsgold · 13/08/2012 10:06

but it sounds like the parents are not coping, so they need help.

DozyDuck · 13/08/2012 10:07

We still use ASD I haven't heard of ASC yet and I help at a support group and have a child with autism... Is that in England already? Learn something new every day!

I better get updated before i start my job as a 1:1 TA!!!

JumpingThroughHoops · 13/08/2012 10:07

But why would you call SS before speaking to the parents?

Because I'm mentally processing scenarios based on the fact we have no facts other than a screaming child.

The OP hasn't said she knows the family, just that they live behind her house. I wouldn't approach anyone in this day and age (for fear of smack in mouth) to mention their child was having some inappropriate behaviour. If they are perfectly nice people at their wits end, it would cause excruciating embarrassment with a situation they probably cannot control. They really wouldnt be wanting a doorstep conversation with me would they?

Some things are just best left to the professionals.

DozyDuck · 13/08/2012 10:08

Child screaming does not equal not coping. My child screams constantly, I'm coping fine. The window may not be one she can climb out of we don't know that. The parents may just not realise its disturbing others

FreeBirdsFlying · 13/08/2012 10:09

The windows can be secured by a chain and hook fairly cheaply,about ?2-50 in a hardware. It works very well. You can choose how far the window will open.

DozyDuck · 13/08/2012 10:10

Tbh unless they accept help from SS (which if they would they will already be getting) SS won't do anything on this situation except ring and ask of they need support and maybe walk around the house. Then they'll go.

If they did want support from SS they would come, walk round the house, do an assessment, refer to any limited help that's available after the budget cuts, then leave and never come back.

It isn't likely going to make much difference

FreeBirdsFlying · 13/08/2012 10:11

Don't fret Dozy,the terms are changing almost weekly. Europe was the EEC when I was in school,then it was the EC,then EU and now I don't know what its called.

JumpingThroughHoops · 13/08/2012 10:13

I take your point dozy.

Mind you, using that as a yardstick, and some of the anecdotal posts here, exactly what good would the OP be doing by telling the parents the child is screaming at night?

Because if it is something uncontrollable, nothing will be done any way. As in "don't you think if I could make it stop I would?"

DozyDuck · 13/08/2012 10:16

I'm thinking maybe they don't realise that the open window plus screaming is making it worse for the neighbours? I know it sounds daft but sometimes you can get so stuck in your own little world you don't think about this at all.

DozyDuck · 13/08/2012 10:21

To be fair I wouldn't say anything. I would be too worried about a smack in the mouth! But that being said I'd eventually learn to tune it out I think.

It's either a say something or put up with it situation Sad

I do feel so bad for the neighbours of SN children. I have posted before about how gutted I am when things happen to my neighbours because of my own son. But it's just one of them things, if they can keep the window shut, they should. If they can't do anything at all about the screaming then there's nothing to be done except put up with it or moveSad

It's not a good situation, maybe she will grow out of it?

McHappyPants2012 · 13/08/2012 10:23

i have told my son a million time about hugging and jumping up on me while i am eating, it is really off putting but there is nothing i can do about it. He has austism so don't get why he cant have hugs at that time.

perhaps the parents have tried every thing but it still continues

Original poster
Pippinintherain · 13/08/2012 12:30

By LD I meant learning difficulties/delay, apologies if this is the wrong terminology.

Fallen I chose the word rude as I think they are being inconsiderate. I sympathise with them and understand they may not be able to stop her screaming. However, there is no need to let her do it for hours on end by an open window. IMO that is rude, just because you're a parent of a child with LD doesn't mean you are excused from good manners.

There is a woman who lives next door to her who has 2 kids, they often make a row in the garden, yesterday they were screaming. She went out and told them to stop as it's annoying to other people, I expect it was a pointed remark for the neighbour's benefit.

I live behind them, our back gardens back onto each other IYSWIM, I don't know the family so can't really pop round.

It is a big window she stands at.

OP posts:
FallenCaryatid · 13/08/2012 12:37

I agree that the window should be shut.
But your example of a woman telling her two children to stop screaming in the garden, and them doing so isn't really relevant to the issue, is it?
Do you think all that the parents of the child in your OP have to do is ask her to stop?

Original poster
Pippinintherain · 13/08/2012 12:47

No, I understand it is difficult but surely they can move her away from the window? 2 hours screaming out of an open window with no adult intervention is not considerate in my book.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippinintherain · 13/08/2012 12:48

And it isn't a one off.

It is all the time and has been going on for ages.

OP posts:
Lilicat1013 · 13/08/2012 12:50

I have a son with autism who has some behaviours which have potential to annoy the neighbours, mainly shrieking and kicking/banging things continuously.

We do are best to limit his behaviour and prevent it annoying others, we have sought advice from people involved in his care on how to prevent the ones most likely to be annoying like kicking his bedroom wall for hours on end.

I am never sure how much they can hear as we are in a top floor flat. They have banged on their ceiling from time to time when he has been banging or we have been doing DIY (at a reasonable time) so we know they can hear us but we don't know exactly how much they can hear.

Ideally I would like them to approach us politely with any concerns. I would be able to explain the situation, point out that if there was anyway we could stop him doing it we would and also share what we have done so far to limited the impact it has on them and listen to any suggestions they have on how we could limited it further.

I think polite conversation is the key here, just go round explain your concerns and see what they say. Even if you don't know them, if you approach it in a polite non accusatory manor hopefully they will work with you.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2012 12:56

I wonder why the parents don't get up with her at 5 or 6am? Confused

Surely it has to be better than lying in bed listening to your daughter screaming...the poor girl's throat must be red raw.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/08/2012 13:28

They may well BE awake with her.

dottyspotty2 · 13/08/2012 13:39

Try going years with 2 hours sleep sometimes less then ask why parents dont get up our window locks consisted of nailing windows shut as DS at age of 3 or 4 would open it wide and lie on it [they turned all the way around] and stupid cow next door stood screaming at him to stop it if he had got a fright he would of fell.

FallenCaryatid · 13/08/2012 13:45

So, the parents are probably awake, and the child is screaming.
If you have a child who is prone to meltdowns, their bedroom is usually the safe space that you have created for them, where they can kick, flail, bite, punch and shriek without them harming themselves or destroying the rest of your home.
What would you do in that situation?
Restrain the child, who will be fighting you every moment in a frenzy of rage and fear? To the point where their fighting you leaves them bruised.
Gag them?
Drug them?
What would you do if it were your child?

dottyspotty2 · 13/08/2012 13:49

Or yourself bitten, punched, kicked and bruised Fallen?

FallenCaryatid · 13/08/2012 13:53

Shit happens, you learn to duck and block most of the time.

dottyspotty2 · 13/08/2012 13:56

Yes with little ones mines now 18 nearly put me over bannister 18 months ago kicked off badly this morning as well wears you down.

midori1999 · 13/08/2012 14:00

My son has Downs Syndrome and doesn't appear to have a volume control. He shouts constantly when playing, including in the early mornings (he gets up at 5am ish) and out of the window to my next door neighbours children when they are in the garden. In fact, my neighbour said her little girl often waits in the garden to see him at the window and talk to him now.

Yes, it's bloody annoying. I find it annoying to have almost constant noise in the house. I do try and keep the windows shut at night, but sometimes it's just too warm. I doubt any neighbours, except next door can hear it enough to wake them or keep them awake though and our whole household can sleep through it.

Him making a noise certainly doesn't mean we are not coping, it just means I don't force my son to be quiet all the time. Maybe the same applies to your neighbours? They might not even be aware the noise is waking you. I ws mortified when my old next door neighbour mentioned she had heard my son in the mornings when the windows were open and although she wasn't complaining as such, I was very glad she mentioned it.

Just speak to them about it and say she is waking you up and ask if they are aware she is leaning out of the window, they may well not be aware she is doing it.