To ask what you would have done

[jubilee10]

In supermarket yesterday with ds2 (almost 15) and ds3 6 (just, and looks younger). Ds's are, as usual, pushing each other and squabbling over who should push the trolley. I'm looking for bargains for a BBQ but within arms reach of trolley and totally ignoring the two of them. I'm suddenly aware of a raised adult voice and look round to see an elderly lady (not ancient - would say mid 60's) leaning down within inches of ds3's face shaking her finger at him.

Thinking that he has bumped into her or knocked her with the trolley I move over to intervene and apologise to hear her say "don't you ever hit your Mummy. You are a very naughty little boy' she said it several times as ds2 and I stood with our mouths hanging open. Ds3 burst into floods of tears, the lady moved off and I said - nothing! Infact I felt quite intimidated and dodged up and down the aisles avoiding her for the rest of my shop. Ds2 thought it was quite funny but even he was quite shocked by it.

Ds3, being a confident and "spirited" child, does not appear to to have suffered any long term upset but should I have said anything to her?

Wait, had he hit you? What did she think she saw?

And a good response is 'beak out, you old biddy'.

[waits to be pulled up for agism emoticon]

I would have asked what happened. That would have been a start.

I'd have asked what the problem was. The rest would depend on the answer given.

Long term damage over that? Words fail.

So she was standing up for you and you're worried about the impact on your 'spirited' son?

I remember posting similarly ages ago when a stupid assistant in M&S had told my DD off....I told her it was NOT her place and she needed to shove off immediately.

That's what I would have done in your position.

I'd be doing slightly less ignoring and slightly more concentrating on the pushing and squabbling. Perhaps then random strangers wouldn't feel the need to step in and discipline your kids.

HTH.

God bless 'biddies'. I hate being in shops with pushing and shoving children. It might be alright for them to behave that way with you, OP, but it's not ok in public and if you don't correct them, someone else will. That is how it used to be - "takes a village to raise a child" and all that. It stopped your DS in his tracks, didn't it?

Too many children/parents see supermarkets as a giant playpen built for their own amusement and are completely inconsiderate of other people.

I think you're overreacting enormously... shop online in future, maybe?

you were totally ignoring your dcs in your own words - you didn't know what was happening

Did she mistake your elder son for the mother of your younger son?

I think I'd have laughed at her.

In reality I'd probably have asked 'do you have a problem?' and embarrassed her by making it clear that she had mistaken and older brother for a mother, in the hope that she wouldn't do it again to some other family.

it's to be expected that siblings will mess about. they do that. 'ignore' is often the best way forward.
but if she thought she saw a child hitting a parent and was shocked, it isn't wrong of her to offer what she thought of as support. she just sees the world differently from you.
if i'd been the mum of children who had to be addressed by a stranger, all the children would have been in disgrace for showing me up! mess about yes, but don't draw attention to yourselves.

Sorry OP but you lost me the moment you described your son as 'spirited' which IME nine times out of ten means 'doesn't know how to behave because we let him have his own way rather than face the inevitable battle of wills'.

I still recall the 'spirited' child we had staying with us a while back

No, he hadn't hit me, knows better I hope. He was jostling his older brother. I take it she had mistaken his brother for his mother

I'm not quite understanding but did she think your older ds was your younger ds's mum?

I think I would not dwell on it as she's clearly batty if that's the case.

Lol Bluana

I would have asked her what she thought she had seen, considered what she had to say then decided what to do.

Was it that she thought ds2 was ds3s mum?

I like it when other people tell my kids off. Shows them, it is not me being unreasonable, and everyone expects a certain standard of behaviour

Kids shoving and fooling around in supermarkets is pretty annoying

Perhaps she was aware ds2 was the older child and was warning ds3 that it might be okay ok not okay to hit brother but not to hit his mother?

What do you think you should have said to her?

She thought your son aged 15 was your 6 year old's mother?

I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Oh my days.

I would have smirked at my DSs for behaving like such brats that they attracted the opprobrium of strangers. And told them they got what they deserved.

For all we know OPs ds2 might look just like a girl

icecold I wished afterwards that I had said something but was not really sure what.

I used to get a lot of "helpful" suggestions when shopping with ds1 (s/n's) but have had none recently. I must have got out of the way of it.

They will be back ay school next week so I can shop in peace.

I'd have been mortified if my two had ever behaved so badly that a stranger had felt the need to tick them off.

People used to tick off other folks kids all the time - hardly happens now because folk are scared of being lashed out at by raging tiger mums or dads who think their youngsters will go into deep shock if reprimanded.