Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would have done

84 replies

jubilee10 · 12/08/2012 12:41

In supermarket yesterday with ds2 (almost 15) and ds3 6 (just, and looks younger). Ds's are, as usual, pushing each other and squabbling over who should push the trolley. I'm looking for bargains for a BBQ but within arms reach of trolley and totally ignoring the two of them. I'm suddenly aware of a raised adult voice and look round to see an elderly lady (not ancient - would say mid 60's) leaning down within inches of ds3's face shaking her finger at him.

Thinking that he has bumped into her or knocked her with the trolley I move over to intervene and apologise to hear her say "don't you ever hit your Mummy. You are a very naughty little boy' she said it several times as ds2 and I stood with our mouths hanging open. Ds3 burst into floods of tears, the lady moved off and I said - nothing! Infact I felt quite intimidated and dodged up and down the aisles avoiding her for the rest of my shop. Ds2 thought it was quite funny but even he was quite shocked by it.

Ds3, being a confident and "spirited" child, does not appear to to have suffered any long term upset but should I have said anything to her?

OP posts:
Ephiny · 12/08/2012 19:27

So they were misbehaving, you were ignoring it, and she gave them a well-deserved telling off? Good for her!

Original poster
jubilee10 · 12/08/2012 19:34

RuleBritania what has the Jeremy Kyle show got to do with anything?

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 12/08/2012 19:57

Yes you should have said sorry to her for not dealing with them yourself

RuleBritannia · 12/08/2012 19:58

Jeremy Kyle Shows illustrates how children have not been brought up.

Original poster
jubilee10 · 12/08/2012 20:20

Well I suppose it is AIBU on mums net but --- my 2ds's are having a quiet little jostling match beside me in the supermarket. Not running riot, not causing any grief, not making any noise and an old biddy accuses my 6 year old of hitting his mummy - which he did not. I think wtf but don't say anything. I post asking if anyone here would have said anything and get slagged for the way I am bringing up my children.

OP posts:
Fiveflowers · 12/08/2012 20:22

I like it when other people tell my kids off. Shows them, it is not me being unreasonable, and everyone expects a certain standard of behaviour

I used to like this too, it's good for them to have a reality check now and again.

lurkedtoolong · 12/08/2012 20:36

Just because you don't think your spirited little darlings are causing any grief doesn't mean the rest of the supermarket feels the same way. Your 15 year old should already know better and you should be teaching your 6 year old how to behave in public.

PenelopePipPop · 12/08/2012 20:39

jubilee10 most people do not think 'quiet jostling' is OK. If they notice their children doing it they tell them off for it - at home, at the supermarket, wherever. They do this if there is a small age gap like 2 years and the children are pre-schoolers. They most definitely do it if one of the children is 15.

Old biddy is an offensive way to talk. She was trying to help. Maybe she misunderstood but like most of us here she was shocked at the way your children were behaving in public and assumed you needed a hand dealing with them. Those of us who appreciate a hand with our children now and again are grateful that people like this woman exist and don't get snarly when misunderstandings occur.

DartsIsFun · 12/08/2012 20:42

If my two (12 and 8) behaved in a supermarket (or anywhere) the way you have described yours as doing, I would be seriously cross. Mine are also "spirited", when appropriate, but are also aware of having and using good manners in public. I'm not expecting paragons of virtue, but I do pull them up over their behaviour if needed. I would be absolutely mortified if someone felt the need to tell my DCs off in public.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 12/08/2012 20:56

You weren't chastising your kids for mucking about.......so she did it for you!

Moominsarescary · 12/08/2012 21:14

He didn't hit you, but it sounds like he was hitting or pushing his brother

Floopy21 · 13/08/2012 14:45

Probably best not to post a question on a public forum if you only want your own answer OP.

YABU.

Bongaloo · 13/08/2012 16:33

It amazes me when I see how accomplished some parents are at completely tuning out their DCs when they're behaving badly and annoying everyone else.

Bumblebee333 · 13/08/2012 16:42

I wouldn't have said anything but i would have found out the full story. She obviously thought a child was hitting its parent and the 'parent' was in need of assistance. You could have been paying more attention which i'm ure you will do next time so don't sweat it, granny Wink.

Noqontrol · 15/08/2012 10:21

I would have thanked her for trying to help. I wouldn't have a problem with someone stepping in and trying to help. It used to be the norm once. I think you're quite rude for calling her an old biddy.

yousavedmybacon · 15/08/2012 10:23

Depends on the person i think if she genuinally was a little old lady who thought she was helping out a frazzled mum id just politely carry on my way. If she seemed to deliberatly want to upset my child like the chip shop man who told my ds he would kill him if he didnt behave for mummy when he was singing while we waited for tea id speak up!

ll31 · 15/08/2012 11:34

i'm amused tbh at the long term damage comment-hope they never do sport,go to school or really just leave house if they r that easily upset.... to reply to your op what you should do is work on getting them to behave

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 15/08/2012 11:39

It's what people used to do all the time. I think I might have been a bit taken aback/embarrassed in your place, but it sounds like they were being a bit unruly. Calling someone a "naughty boy" is not quite the done thing nowadays, but really, I don't think there was much else to be said.

at predictable ageism

mollymole · 15/08/2012 11:40

Perhaps you will now learn to keep your children how to behave in a public place.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 15/08/2012 11:40

You do know that the term "spirited" is likely to stir up a shitstorm don't you, OP?

Backtobedlam · 15/08/2012 11:45

Ha ha-I just keep giggling at the fact she thought your older ds was the younger ones mother! I'd have struggled to keep a straight face I'm afraid and probably just ended up snorting with laughter and looking as unruly as my kids!

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 15/08/2012 11:50

She was so ancient she's probably blind and stupid.

Or maybe he looks like a girl

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 15/08/2012 11:53

If my dcs behaved like that I would not be ignoring it and they are 7 and 5

Yabu

Fairenuff · 15/08/2012 11:54

Maybe she actually did say 'brother' and the op misheard her?

MrsPresley · 15/08/2012 12:02

my 2ds's are having a quiet little jostling match beside me in the supermarket. Not running riot, not causing any grief, not making any noise and an old biddy accuses my 6 year old of hitting his mummy - which he did not. I think wtf but don't say anything

If this is all as innocent as you are making out, then how come you didnt say anything?

There is no way I would stand back and let someone would shout at my child and make him/her cry and stand there and say nothing!

My goodness if you cant stand up for your son then who the hell will Sad

I'm more shocked that you said nothing, than I am about the behaviour of your sons and the "old biddy" raising her voice and finger wagging!