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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would have done

84 replies

jubilee10 · 12/08/2012 12:41

In supermarket yesterday with ds2 (almost 15) and ds3 6 (just, and looks younger). Ds's are, as usual, pushing each other and squabbling over who should push the trolley. I'm looking for bargains for a BBQ but within arms reach of trolley and totally ignoring the two of them. I'm suddenly aware of a raised adult voice and look round to see an elderly lady (not ancient - would say mid 60's) leaning down within inches of ds3's face shaking her finger at him.

Thinking that he has bumped into her or knocked her with the trolley I move over to intervene and apologise to hear her say "don't you ever hit your Mummy. You are a very naughty little boy' she said it several times as ds2 and I stood with our mouths hanging open. Ds3 burst into floods of tears, the lady moved off and I said - nothing! Infact I felt quite intimidated and dodged up and down the aisles avoiding her for the rest of my shop. Ds2 thought it was quite funny but even he was quite shocked by it.

Ds3, being a confident and "spirited" child, does not appear to to have suffered any long term upset but should I have said anything to her?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 12/08/2012 13:43

I suspect if a stranger had to tell him off and you describe him as 'spirited' that very likely means that the intervention was necessary.

If your DCs behaviour was as much of an annoyance that someone else needed top intervene, you certainly shouldn't have been ignoring them.

Oh, btw, calling a mid 60's lady 'elderly' is quite wrong, but I suspect you know that.

TidyDancer · 12/08/2012 13:44

top to

Nancy66 · 12/08/2012 13:46

I'd be leaving the 15 year old at home.

ll31 · 12/08/2012 13:49

think you need to stop your sons acting like that tbh rather than giving out to some woman who tried to help you.

3littlefrogs · 12/08/2012 13:53

I would have been beyond mortified if my 15 yr old and 6 yr old couldn't behave in a shop.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/08/2012 13:56

"totally ignoring the two of them"

yay good for you Hmm

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2012 14:02

Ds's are, as usual, pushing each other and squabbling over who should push the trolley

Fifteen and six and they're squabbling over a trolley 'as usual'? Confused

Fairenuff · 12/08/2012 14:02

Ds's are, as usual, pushing each other and squabbling over who should push the trolley at age 15 op? That's way too old for such silly behaviour. Th younger one shouldn't be doing it either, but it takes two to squabble. Have a word with your eldest ds. He should actually be helping you, not causing disruption in the supermarket.

LaurieFairyCake · 12/08/2012 14:05

Perhaps a better question would be why is your 15 year old arguing with a 6 year old over pushing a trolley.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 12/08/2012 14:10

Does you elder son have long hair? Maybe the lady got mixed up and did think he was female and in charge of your younger one, who, by your own admission looks younger than six. If since they were misbehaving, she probably thought she was helping a young mother who perhaps needed a bit of support, especially if she saw your 6yr old hit the person she thought was his mother.
I'm with the other posters on the "spirited" too - it means out of control and I won't stop him in case it damages his fragile ego so he runs riot while I ignore him. If you'd been watching your children, random people in shops wouldn't have to.

RuleBritannia · 12/08/2012 14:15

I agree with all those who support the intervenor. I intervene myself being sick of children running riot and getting in people's way while they are simply shopping. As another poster said, a supermarket is not a playground or baby sitting circle for unbothered mothers or fathers to take advantage when they bring their children.

Original poster
jubilee10 · 12/08/2012 14:34

They were not running riot or getting in anyone's way. They were standing beside me, jostling each other for the right to push the trolley. They were so quiet that the lady's angry voice sounded loud and clear and made me look up.

LauriefairyCake because they are siblings and that's what siblings do.

PomBear I think she must have thought that. Ds2 does not really look like a girl but has longish hair and is taller than me.

OP posts:
MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 12/08/2012 14:35

YoUr spirited child sounds like the kind of child I like to bump in to accidentally with my trolley.
I am obviously an old biddy.

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2012 14:37

LauriefairyCake because they are siblings and that's what siblings do

Up to a certain age yes...but fifteen?

He could quite legally be a father himself in a year

Original poster
jubilee10 · 12/08/2012 14:43

My "spirited child" is intense, sensitive, perceptive, energetic and generally very well behaved.

I would rather almost 15 year olds were behaving like children and not fathering them!

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 12/08/2012 14:44

Actually, plenty of siblings don't op. It's just that our attention is so often drawn to the ones that do because they are causing disruption.

A boy did run into my trolley last week. I saw him coming but he was arsing about and not looking where he was going. He was dodging around his mum who was talking loudly on her phone.

He bashed his shoulder. Looked a bit peeved. Didn't say sorry though, just wandered off rubbing his shoulder.

The youth of today eh? (Does that qualify me to be an 'old biddy'?)

FutTheShuckUp · 12/08/2012 14:44

They dont have to be fathering children OR pushing their six year old sibling around though- there is a middle ground!

FutTheShuckUp · 12/08/2012 14:44

You sound very dismissive of the bad behaviour to be honest, maybe it shows to others

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2012 14:45

I'd rather they were behaving responsibly...particularly in a supermarket.

PenelopePipPop · 12/08/2012 14:57

I'd be a little surprised at seeing a 6 year old and a 15 year old behaving like that in a supermarket. Surely the 15 year old is old enough to cede a squabble over a trolley of all things?

YABU - where would we be without other parents and older people helping us out? They may get it wrong sometimes but I'd rather people did that than never tried at all. I had to deal with a squawking toddler at the park last week who was refusing to come home because she'd seen the ice cream van when a nice old man came up to her and said 'You be nice to your Mammy and remember they don't last forever!'. And then he looked really sad so I asked if he was alright and it turned out his own Mam had just died at the age of 98 and she used to take him down to the same park back in the 1930s so he was just having a potter down Memory Lane.

LaurieFairyCake · 12/08/2012 15:28

Not buying the 'sibling' stuff in public - fair enough if you let them arse around and be physical at home but in public your 15 year old ought to know better.

danteV · 12/08/2012 17:47

All I can think is wtf?
You think its normal for 15 yea old to fight with a 6 year old over a trolley? And that's its normal for siblings to act like this.
In all honesty I think you may need to look at your 'spirited' Childs behaviour in a different light.
The problem isn't the summer holidays, its your lack of responsibility for your kids and their behaviour.
Honestly if my 8 year old acted like that I would be mortified and she would be having a talking to.

Flobbadobs · 12/08/2012 19:15

What would I do? I would leave the kids with someone and go shopping on my own or do an internet shop.

RuleBritannia · 12/08/2012 19:20

jubilee10 Have you ever been on the Jeremy Kyle Show? Tell us! Tell us!

Gay40 · 12/08/2012 19:24

I'd have been mortified, apologised for my inability to instill good behaviour in my own children, and gone home.