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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister's job is ruining my life.

91 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 12/08/2012 12:21

Dramatic I know, but that is how I feel. I just don't know what to do.

She begged me to help her get a job because she is skint but her partner works shifts and she has four children, making childcare difficult. She figured if she got a job in my place then I could do her shifts when her partner is working and she'd do some others of mine instead. Which is fair enough. I was happy to help. She's my sister and I adore her and hate seeing her struggle.

She has now got a job in my place. Her shifts are Wednesdays (split shift) and Thursday day. I am off Thursday night anyway.

She never fecking well does any of her shifts and I am fed up. I feel like she is taking the piss.

The boss is off this week and she hasn't picked up enough to be able to do her shifts unsupervised, so I have to work this week for her. He's back next week, but she can't do her shifts then either, because she is going on a holiday a-fucking-gain. For the second time since getting her job, so I'll have to do those shifts for her too.

When she gets back her partner will be on nights for two weeks so I'll have to do those shifts too.

So for four weeks I will see my kids only on thursday evening and a sunday Sad while she swans about on holiday with all of hers, even though she's that fucking skint if I don't get her a job she can't afford to give her kids a birthday Hmm

I want to ask for her to be sacked so that someone who wants to work can take her job and I get some time off.

AIBU? I feel awful, but I cannot keep working every god damn night so she can work when it suits her. Dd1 now cannot join family judo with me because it's on one of my sister's nights, which I always have to do. I have had to cancel the dog's training class which is something I needed to do to help my future job prospects (I am starting a uni course in dog training and wanted to get first hand experience of group training classes) because it is on one of my sister's nights. Her confidence or lack of means she is not picking the job up quick enough to any weekends because she'd be too slow to pick it up, so I can't have any weekends off.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 12/08/2012 12:23

Just say no? I know it's difficult, but you are missing out on so much and she's taking the piss. Doesn't your boss have something to say about it?

mumcanihavearabbit · 12/08/2012 12:24

Sounds familiar? Have you posted about this before??

Dont know what to suggest though.

bloodyfurious · 12/08/2012 12:24

just say no? you are ruining your own life by saying yes all the time

Krumbum · 12/08/2012 12:24

Why do you have to cover her shifts? Surely it's up to the boss to find someone to do it.

JeezyPeeps · 12/08/2012 12:24

Sounds awful. I think you need to get strong and say no.

Repeat after me:

'No, I have dog training that night.'

'No, sorry, we have family judo.'

And finally, just simply:

'No'

LynetteScavo · 12/08/2012 12:24

What would happen if you just didn't cover her shifts?

whois · 12/08/2012 12:26

You posted before and people told you she was taking the piss.

Stop doing her shifts!

FallenCaryatid · 12/08/2012 12:26

Why are you letting her abuse your love and trust like this? The reason she is skint is because she's lazy and exploiting you, and you are allowing her to do so.
Bad enough that she's screwing up your personal happiness, but her selfishness is impacting on your children and your dog.
You are not helping your sister with your attitude, you are enabling her selfishness, and that isn't admirable, however lovely and soft you are.
You may adore her and hate to see her struggle, but I don't think what you are doing is helping her be an adult or a decent human being.

Emandlu · 12/08/2012 12:26

Why do you have to do her shifts? Can't she get someone else to do them instead?

Ilovedaintynuts · 12/08/2012 12:27

Just don't do it. I love my sister but I wouldn't ruin my life and not see my kids for her.

Be honest. Just tell her exactly what you put in the OP.

fivegomadindorset · 12/08/2012 12:27

So don't do them.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 12/08/2012 12:29

Just saying no would get her sacked. I agreed to do the shifts she couldn't do because of her partner's work when my boss agreed to take her on. He cannot have the shifts not covered because there is no-one else to them. What I didn't realise is that she would make use of that to take family fucking holidays every two fucking weeks Angry

She doesn't ask "Is it okay for you to do my Wednesday and Thursday while I go away" she just tells the boss she can't do them and then sends me a text telling me she can't do her shifts because she is going away.

We are not skint but I can't afford to swan off camping whenever the fancy takes me because I have a job and responsibilities.

My boss is short staffed all around the shop atm, which means he can't cover time off himself like he used to because he is needed elsewhere in the shop.

OP posts:
alphabite · 12/08/2012 12:30

Does no one else in the company want the overtime instead?

You need to say no. The job isn't helping your sister's finances anyway as she isn't doing the shifts.

savoycabbage · 12/08/2012 12:30

Just don't do them. Then she will get sacked.

feebeecat · 12/08/2012 12:30

I think you covered it in your title - it's your "sister's job" - not yours.
If it's easier for you, maybe you could agree to help her out and cover some shifts, but not all. That's her responsibility.
At the moment, you got her a job, your doing her job - do you get to keep all the pay for it - you should, because essentially all you have done is extend your own hours!
And don't give in to emotional blackmail - she could afford birthdays by cutting back on holidays or, by going to work herself!
Good luck.

Angelico · 12/08/2012 12:31

I'm assuming by the responses that you've been given advice before which you've chosen to ignore? I can only add: she is taking the piss. Why are you doing this? Say no.

MissMogwi · 12/08/2012 12:31

Don't do it. She's taking the piss because you let her tbh. It's hard but you will have to toughen up and tell her to sort it out herself.

If she wants the job because she's skint, but never comes in, then how is she making any money anyway?

fivegomadindorset · 12/08/2012 12:31

If she can afford to go on holiday then she deons't need the job.

yellowraincoat · 12/08/2012 12:31

It is NOT your responsibility to keep her job for her. It is hers. She isn't even polite about it, so stop doing it.

There are plenty of people out there desperate for a job.

FallenCaryatid · 12/08/2012 12:33

'I agreed to do the shifts she couldn't do because of her partner's work when my boss agreed to take her on'

Then stick to the bloody agreement you made, get her partner's work schedule and fix when you are going to cover her and no more.
I don't see the problem, you made a specific deal and she's now arsing around.
Do you have experience with difficult teenagers? That's what she's sounding like.

Pinkforever · 12/08/2012 12:33

NO is a complete sentence.I learned that on here. Also people will only wipe their feet on you if you lay down and let them...

You are an adult and need to put your dcs first and not your sister-whom I presume is an adut too?....

yellowraincoat · 12/08/2012 12:34

OP, maybe I'm confusing you with someone else but didn't you have a situation where your son's girlfriend was abusing your hospitality as well?

You really need to start standing up for yourself. The world doesn't fall apart when you look after yourself first.

SirBoobAlot · 12/08/2012 12:35

Your boss finding cover is not your responsibility. You were very kind but possibly foolish to tell him you would cover for her whenever she wasn't able to do her shifts. And frankly if I was the boss, and she kept buggering off, I'd get annoyed, whether there was cover or not.

You need to have serious words with her, and with your boss.

Saying no would get her sacked - well maybe she needs a wake up call. You can't just decide you're not going to work.

Salmotrutta · 12/08/2012 12:36

Why do you have to be responsible for her poor work ethic?

Just because you got her the job doesn't mean you can't now say to your boss "I'm sorry my sister is letting you down. I think you should get someone who actually wants the work"

LadyBeagleEyes · 12/08/2012 12:38

Are you mad DOoin?
You helped her get this job, and now she's taking so much advantage of it I'm almost speechless.
She's your sister, you love her, I get that, but please, please tell her that you won't be covering for her any more.
She is not your responsibility, she's an adult.
Would you do the same thing as her and think it was reasonable?