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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister's job is ruining my life.

91 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 12/08/2012 12:21

Dramatic I know, but that is how I feel. I just don't know what to do.

She begged me to help her get a job because she is skint but her partner works shifts and she has four children, making childcare difficult. She figured if she got a job in my place then I could do her shifts when her partner is working and she'd do some others of mine instead. Which is fair enough. I was happy to help. She's my sister and I adore her and hate seeing her struggle.

She has now got a job in my place. Her shifts are Wednesdays (split shift) and Thursday day. I am off Thursday night anyway.

She never fecking well does any of her shifts and I am fed up. I feel like she is taking the piss.

The boss is off this week and she hasn't picked up enough to be able to do her shifts unsupervised, so I have to work this week for her. He's back next week, but she can't do her shifts then either, because she is going on a holiday a-fucking-gain. For the second time since getting her job, so I'll have to do those shifts for her too.

When she gets back her partner will be on nights for two weeks so I'll have to do those shifts too.

So for four weeks I will see my kids only on thursday evening and a sunday Sad while she swans about on holiday with all of hers, even though she's that fucking skint if I don't get her a job she can't afford to give her kids a birthday Hmm

I want to ask for her to be sacked so that someone who wants to work can take her job and I get some time off.

AIBU? I feel awful, but I cannot keep working every god damn night so she can work when it suits her. Dd1 now cannot join family judo with me because it's on one of my sister's nights, which I always have to do. I have had to cancel the dog's training class which is something I needed to do to help my future job prospects (I am starting a uni course in dog training and wanted to get first hand experience of group training classes) because it is on one of my sister's nights. Her confidence or lack of means she is not picking the job up quick enough to any weekends because she'd be too slow to pick it up, so I can't have any weekends off.

OP posts:
spongebrainfatpants · 12/08/2012 12:38

I assume you get paid for the shifts you are covering?

She is taking the piss big style. And she knows it.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 12/08/2012 12:39

There is no one else in the company to do them. There's only me and one other girl who already works all the shifts she can and is not willing to take on any extra, which is fair enough, they're not her shifts so why should she have to?

She will do extra shifts when I book holidays but not to accommodate my sister.

I posted before about wanting to put in an extra weeks holiday, but I can't now because the other girl has her holiday booked for the same time, which again is fair, she covered last week for me when I was away.

I posted after the first holiday my sister took, not realising she would book a second holiday. More fool me, eh?

I don't think I have a choice but to ask for my boss to take on someone else, which will mean my sister loses all of her shifts. It will also mean I can not only drop her shifts but also one of my own. Giving me my life back.

Yes I get the extra cash, which is nice, but we don't really need it to be honest and money is not as nice as being able to spend time with my family and my dogs.

I just feel awful taking away her job.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 12/08/2012 12:41

But she's not doing her job anyway is she?

She's playing at it.

yellowraincoat · 12/08/2012 12:41

You're not taking away her job. She's losing her job because she is a piss taker.

LadyBeagleEyes · 12/08/2012 12:43

Yy, what both Salmo and yellow have just said.

FallenCaryatid · 12/08/2012 12:44

'I just feel awful taking away her job.'

Stop it.
You are not taking away her job, she's choosing not to do it. Take off that martyr's crown.
If you feel bad, you can communicate with her right now, telling her what is going to happen and giving her one final chance to stick to the rules of your agreement.
I wouldn't, but I don't like being exploited and pissed on, even by relatives.

DamnBamboo · 12/08/2012 12:46

Tell her you won't do it.
Simple as that.
Explain why and say if she doesn't start doing her work, you won't cover for her and she'll lose her job.

I don't get it, if she's not doing her shifts, then she's not getting paid presumably?

She can't be that skint if she's on holiday (again)

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 12/08/2012 12:47

She is taking the piss. No wonder she can't get a job if she has such an awful attitude.

DamnBamboo · 12/08/2012 12:49

You will not be taking away her job.
She will be losing it due to her own poor work ethic.

Having said that, have you actually told her it's a problem for you or when you agree to do her shifts, do you willingly say yes and not indicate that it's putting you out.

If the latter, then you have only yourself to blame!

fivegomadindorset · 12/08/2012 12:49

You are not taking away her job, she is taking away her job by not doing it.

DontmindifIdo · 12/08/2012 12:49

Stop doing them. Tell your boss that you can't do overtime. You don't have too. Your boss can then decide if they will either make your sister do the shifts she is contracted to do, or fire her.

You won't be taking away your sisters job, she will be doing that herself. She needs to learn she needs to work if she wants to earn money. A concept most people worked out a long time ago.

Also, can you treat your family to a nice holiday/few nice days out with the extra money you've earned from these extra shifts?

LookBehindYou · 12/08/2012 12:51

Have you talked to her about how she's behaving? Is she a lot younger? You sound really protective of someone who's really taking the proverbial. To book a holiday and tell the boss before speaking to you about it is not on at all.

SoleSource · 12/08/2012 12:51

So you had no idea sis was going on holiday twice and her Husband worked nights...

MagicHouse · 12/08/2012 12:53

I would tell her that you can no longer do her shifts as you don't have the time. Say you'll give her a week's notice and cover her shifts so she can organise childcare etc for the following week/s. (That way she can't argue you are dropping her in it). Tell her that after that she will have to cover her shifts herself or lose the job.

SirBoobAlot · 12/08/2012 12:55

You're not taking her job away - she's not doing her job. There's a big difference. She's really taking advantage of you.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 12/08/2012 12:56

Well I was going to treat them to a day out this Thursday, but the boss is going away so won't let my sister do her shifts because she is not fast enough to be unsupervised in the shop, which is fair enough, that's not her fault -although arguably if she didn't go on fucking holiday as much she'd pick it up a lot quicker- but I can't take them next Thursday either because she is going away so can't do those shifts either.

I can't take them Sunday because of poor transport links on a Sunday and I can't take them Saturday because that is my shift and my sister isn't there often enough to learn the ropes enough to cover the busiest shifts of the week, plus she's away anyway.

I don't know when we can go now. School will be back in before I get any time off Sad

When school is back in she will start doing her shifts again, but that's not really the point, what about the next holidays? And Christmas? Will she start seeing her shifts as her shifts by then? I doubt it.

OP posts:
Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 12/08/2012 12:59

SoleSource - I know her partner worked nights. He works one week nights, one week days and then has 17 days off.

I was prepared to do her nights on the one week a month he works nights. I was hoping she'd have picked up the job enough to do some of my other shifts instead, but she hasn't. She can only work the quieter shifts.

Her partner's family own a caravan. I knew she went there a lot before she started working but I had thought she would stop going as much, given that she now has a job. I was wrong.

OP posts:
panicnotanymore · 12/08/2012 12:59

Why is it your problem? You aren't her keeper, and you should be putting your own family first. Your children, and your future career in dog training are suffering because of this. You need to sort out your priorities, and quickly, before the effects of this really start to hit home.

Tell her you can't cover her shifts, tell your boss that you can't cover her shifts, then it is up to him to tell her that if she can't fulfil her role, he can't employ her.

Iamnotamindreader · 12/08/2012 13:01

You are not taking your sisters job away from her. Her poor work ethic is taking her job away from her and endangering your standing with your boss, your health and mental wellbeing. If you get signed off with stress/illness due to your increased workload what will your boss do then?

alphabite · 12/08/2012 13:01

Could you offer her child care instead of doing her shifts? That way you can spend time with your children (with her children too).

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/08/2012 13:02

She needs to be sacked. You are not losing her job, SHE is losing her job, and so she bloody well should with that work ethic.

And a second holiday? Skint, my arse!

LookBehindYou · 12/08/2012 13:03

Looking after four extra kids? Nightmare!

SoleSource · 12/08/2012 13:04

Ok dooin, stop doing her shifts as she will take the pee unless you speak to her and make her vow to behave better.

NameGames · 12/08/2012 13:08

Have you spoken to your sister at all? For instance, when she texted you to say she couldn't do her shifts because she was going on holiday again, did you call her and say "I agreed to cover when your DH was working, but I can't do that and cover for your holiday too."?

Because it sounds like your first port of call in trying to change things is going to be asking your boss to replace her instead of talking to her about it and giving her the opportunity to change. And I think that's a pretty nasty thing to do to your sister.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 12/08/2012 13:09

I could offer to do childcare instead for her, but that won't really solve my problem.

I am not confident enough with my ability to keep 6 children, all under 9 years old, under control enough to risk venturing out with them any further than her back garden.

It wouldn't help on nights because it would mean my children would have to stay up until past midnight for her coming home or I'd have to leave them home with DH, in which case I may as well be at work earning money.

I am going to speak to her and then my boss and explain that I am no longer able to do more than one week a month where I am covering all of her shifts and that I also would like at least every other Saturday off.

I can't keep doing this and you all are right, if she really wanted or needed her job she would not be booking holidays during times she could work.

My family cannot keep suffering so she can work when she feels like it.

OP posts:
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