Vacuous women - the case against

[Birdspa]

I'm talking about the wives of my husband's friends. All they talk about is shopping, where they bought what from, the case for wedges over flats and fake tan bookings. Can someone please save me?! I am drowning in a vacuum of nothingness. I am trembling at the thought of another dinner party.

I think sometimes people are wary of letting any personal information out, just because of the gossipers amongst us. I have numerous conversations about the weather and what a nice mac someone has on at the school gates for exactly this reason. Were I to impart the intricate details of our chaotic life, I know it would go further in a Chinese whispers sort of way.

It's only with old, tried and trusted friends would I reveal the true horror of my personality.

thinking other people are devoid of interest usually says more about the person not seeing the interest....

"
It's only with old, tried and trusted friends would I reveal the true horror of my personality."

:) yes, this is true ! could have been said by Gore Vidal

I can remember having a conversation about Mills & Boon with a mixed sex group over dinner at my Cambridge college.

(Ok it was whether we could use a random number generator and Pascal programming to write one - if random < 0.5 then hero's name is Brad else hero's name is Trent but the point is that we must have all read at least one of them to understand the point.)

At other times we asked about politics, education, clothes, philosophy, make up, what was on the telly and (more than everything else put together) who was snogging who, where and when!

Why not just embrace and go with the flow?

Nicely put Edgar

Why don't you not hang out with people you don't like?
There's plenty of boring people, it's irrelevant that they are women. Make your own friends.

Can't be bothered with 'the men's women'. Or the 'women's men'. Or any other kind of preferring sort of human.

Where's the op gone?

Thank you all for your comments and for putting me in my place. Yes, my post probably says more about me than them. In answer to some of your questions...No I don't want to talk Proust and Politics all night either. I guess the bottom line is, the women I'm talking about aren't friends whose company I particularly enjoy. But I take the point that I need to join in and make the most of them (& myself) if these situations. I do have other girlfriends who I have much more in common with and whose company I love, but unfortunately they live much further away & I don't get to see them as often as I'd like. But thank you everyone for the perspective and I'm sorry i came across so high and mighty.

I think the main thing is whether these women are nice & friendly; or bitchy & gossipy.
If they are nice, genuine women then you should get to know them anyway; since your best friends live further away.

Show an interest in their conversation & in them as people, & then start introducing stuff you like to talk about into the conversation as well.

It is difficult and tiring to have to socialise regularly with people you have little in common with. I used to find toddler groups a bit headache-inducing at times for that reason, though at least it was possible to talk about our DC, potty training and weaning and all that. It's also uncomfortable to feel so obviously the odd one out. My advice to OP would be to try to spend less time with these people and more time with people she likes, but if she has to put up with them now and again, just try to relax.

Jodie - Is that true about podiatric surgeons not being able to do any foot sugery at all?

Would be a shame, I know one in particular who is excellent.

Goth - I can't remember the exact change in the law - I will have a look! - but there was a scandal recently with people who were calling themselves podiatrists doing some pretty significant surgery (I think the most common one causing problems was bunion surgery) and wrecking people's feet, so the law changed (or is about to)...

As you can see, I would have been a bit vague on this subject had it come up

YANBU. Social gatherings with people you have nothing in common with are tedious but bearable as a one off, but unbearable when regular. I do know what you mean. DH is an engineer, and I have only ever met one wife of his colleagues who has a degree. All of the other wives/girlfriends that I have met, without exception, either did part-time unskilled jobs or had never worked. One was an internet bride from a Far East country, at the wedding we quickly realised that not only did she speak not a word of English, but that the happy couple barely knew each other. None of the other wives/girlfriends there found it remarkable, as they don't even manage to talk about shoes or fake tan - they simply don't talk, unless spoken to, and then only in short sentences. Or if they do talk, it seems to consist of a series of moans about people they don't like from the media, or people that one of them knows.

What annoys me is that none of them ever ask me what I do for a living (as if it is assumed that I do not work), or any question beyond the most frivolous.

Its wierd. Not all my friends have degrees by any means, but they can all hold a decent conversation and have informed opinions.

Is anyone else married to an engineer and found this phonomenon?

Yes, it is why my reply matched yours.

Once we all played 'Mr and Mrs'. It emerged that the women in this circle do not talk to their husbands much.

The men watch football/ play video games in the evenings so have little to talk about.