to wonder how many people actually regret having a second baby

[rattlingovaries]

on another thread someone just admitted to regret having a second child.
anyone else?

Well it not quite what you asked,but I didn't have a second child, and I have never regretted it. Having an only is great!

No. 16 months between DD1 & DD2 and I was worried about this but it's great so far

I am an only child and am already seeing a bond between the two of them that makes me so happy!

Is this 'other thread' your thread rattling? I'm sorry you're sad about not having another kid but please try not to obsess over it. It will destroy you if you do.

No - I adore DD2. But I have to say I wasn't really that thrilled when I found out when I was pregnant and was a moody cow through most of the pregnancy. Totally fell in love with her when I held her. Even though it has had repercussions for money, career and been hard for DP I am so, so happy to have her.

Oh yeah I'm fine. But i do genuinely wish i hadn't had a baby, i do love her, but its stressful at times. Im lucky enough to have so much support round me.

It will get better, KateSpade, promise. You haven't said how old your baby is, but I know we pretty much went through hell the first 6 months, just with lack of sleep, complete life-change and the realisation that nothing was ever going to be the same. It didn't change the fact that we adored our DD. ALso I swore blind that I would Never EVER go through it again.

ANd here I am!

Hang in there

She's nearly 1. I've not had PND or depression or anything, but I'm trying to be as honest with myself as possible (so i don't end up getting depressed) i don't want a baby, i shouldn't have had a baby and i have ruined my life.

Ive recently finished work till september (when i go back to Uni) and i know i'll feel better about the whole thing when I'm doing something every day.

I used to regret my first two. Well i thought i did. I can see now that it was simply my MH 'ishoos' taking over and I spent a long time grieving my old fun filled life - i attached that to the DC and essensially blamed them. I probably overcompensated through guilt and made them slightly bratty, which obviously made everything worse, all my own doing, but with how ill i was its no surprise really.

With a lot of work things have turned around and luckily they were still toddlers and quite unknowing of the whole situation. We went on to have a third. my out look couldnt be more different, my dc are my life, even on days like today where i could happily ebay them for the mess they have made i adore their every breath.... I want a fourth!

I adore my kids (4 and 1.5) but often hate my lifestyle. I'm constantly exhausted, the kids need non stop attention and bicker a lot, it has put real strain on my relationship with DH. I can't regret having two kids I love so very much but I seriously underestimated the difficulties of having two relatively close together.

kate - sorry you feel like that, guessing you are going through a tough time?

I've only got twins and so regretting having a second was never an option, but I can see if you had one then went on to have number two you might suddenly realise that one is quite easy but once you have to take to little people into account life is more challenging!

I did, Kate, so you are not alone.

However, at the time I was depressed and realising that I was in an abusive marriage and was deeply unhappy and not coping. I did wish for a while that I still had one baby (had two within 17 months).

But, he is now 4 and he and DD are the light and centre of my world and I can't imagine life without either of them.

It is hard though - the transition from one to two is a big culture shock. And the early years can be very very tough.

No regrets here.

I love having two. Mine are 17.5mths apart and now 18mths and 3. DD2 is a wonderful little character and a mischief.
Personally I found the shock from none to one was so much harder than one to two. I lacked confidence with my first and was a bit isolated having just moved away from all my family and friends, by the time no. 2 had arrived life had settled down more and I was confident in my parenting skills.

Never ever ever. I took a wee bit of persuading, because while DS was amazing, his birth was incredibly traumatic and he didn't sleep for what felt like a year. If he had been the only one, due to circumstances or nature, then I/we would have been totally happy. DP gently talked me into the second one (didn't really mind) because we wanted DS to have a sibling. She is wonderful, if feisty, and I can't imagine life without her now. Will never have another one though.

I will be fine, i just wish things would have turned out differently, however no-one can think like that, so..

Kate, I'm really sorry actually that you do regret becoming a mother. I really hope that changes for you soon.

I didn't really put that enough thought into this thread.

I should indeed have asked about people why were pleased about their decision to have just one.

kate, things haven't turned out any way; in the words of Miley Cyrus..'lifes a climb'

Things change all the time, and especially when you have kids.

Yours is only 1...the way life is now, is so not how its going to be forever. You will get your life back (maybe not all of it, but a lot of it)

Chin up, chest out! You'll get there ar'kid

Im currently 15weeks pregnany with baby2.

I regret falling pregnant amd I'm dreading baby being born.

I know I'm lucky to fall pregnant. Its just going to be sooo hard with 2children ( daughter is just about 4). My daughter is so much hard work . How on earth am I meant to cope with 2children? What if my PND comes back and I can't do anything for the baby just like last time?

Dp is excited for baby coming but I'm dreading it.

Never - they're all amazing & watching their relationship develop with each other is simply beautiful.

Imathome - if you're aware of your PND issues then if you've let your midwife know, they will be more likely to keep a look out for it after the birth. Also, you will be more aware of your triggers etc and hopefully might be able to stave it off, or at least know when it's hit you. I spent 7 months in denial before I finally admitted I had PND. Do you think it's possible you might have pre-natal depression? (Much less talked about than PND)

KateSpade thinking of you, hang in there. It's good that you're being honest with yourself, and I certainly think once you're out there doing something every day without your baby you will start to feel better and appreciate her more. That's what happened to me. And when she takes her first step, and says "Mama" for the first time, or spontaneously runs towards you to give you a hug, you might suddenly realise how great it feels to be a mum. Maybe not - you know how you feel more than anyone. But give yourself a break and don't be too hard on yourself.

I have had fleeting moments of regret.
DS1 was so easy and I look back on his first 3 years and the seemed so lovely. (he was 3.4 when DS2 was born)

I think though it has a lot to do with other changes to our life. My DH was made redundant when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I was made redundant when DS2 was 12 weeks old. My DH didn't return to work until DS2 was 10 months old.

I didn't go back to work even though I got my job back. Due to feeling like the company wasn't going to be there much longer and due to the cost of childcare.
My Mum and MIL had done it 1 day each and my Mum withdrew her service before DS2 was born. Which upset me greatly as I thought she enjoyed looking after DS1

Financially we've been much worse off (DH job paid less than pre recession and obviously I didn't work) and physically I have struggled to get back to pre- pregnancy weight. I found out I have an under active Thyroid which has gone somewhere to explaining my low mood and inability to get back into shape.

BUT I love him to pieces! And always have. My regrets were really about the change in our life - much of which was out of our hands. And although it was a difficult time it made our family stronger.

couldnt regret ds2 if I tried, absolutely adore him

SayCoolNow The MW is aware of my past with PND (I was diagnosed with PND when my Dd was 3weeks old) so my MW is going to send me to the Psychiatrist who deals with pregnant women.

I was sent to the Psychiatrist last time (My first child was removed by SS at birth and I ended up getting PND then so the DR's were concerned about Depression during and after pregnancy when I was pregnant with DD) and she helped me get the right treatment early, I'm hopeful she will help me this time if needed.