Nearly everyone I know is having their second child. I'm happy with one.

[Zealey]

I'll probably delete this post immediately, but I just wanted to write it out to get it off my chest first.
We have a gorgeous DD nearly two years old. But we have a very tight circle of friends, and even Facebook becomes a kind of crazy yard-stick as well of what it 'normal' and everyone else seems to be doing. So everyone we know is now having a second child, some are giving birth as I write, others are full term round Xmas, either way my wife is hinting and dropping what she thinks are subtle cues about wanting another. I'm not up for it. Love having one. Told her that from the start. For a mixture of financial and emotional reasons I don't want a second (mainly financial but mental reasons just as valid if I'm being honest).
Am I being unreasonable to refuse to have a second child even though the first one is working out fine, touch wood?

Yabu, for making a decision about this without talking to your wife or listening to what she has to say - it doesn't sound as if you have much of a partnership. And YABvvvU for talking about her dropping hints so clinically.

I had one child for 7 years. It was brilliant and he was perfect. We were a real team. Although I do know that he was lonely.

So I had a second. If I'm honest, I only had a second for the benefit of DH (who really wanted another) and DS (who really wanted a sibling). I was a bit ambivalent about the whole thing. And like you, I was worried about the money, I was worried about starting from scratch all over again, I was worried about the effect another one would have on our already great family. If I hadn't had another, I don't think I would have regretted it.

However, I wouldn't be without her now. It took a long time for her to feel like part of the family. I still worry about money - the fact it has to stretch further now, the fact we won't be able to pay for them to go through university because I'm still paying off my own student loans, the fact we won't be able to give them a deposit for their first house, the fact that we took DS on more expensive holidays and days out than we can afford now...

They don't argue, they are happy. They have spent the last 3 hours in the dining room making a robot out of 'junk'.

I agree, you don't have to make a case for not having any more. Your DD is not even 2 yet. I wouldn't have considered having another that quickly under any circumstances. Don't let what other people are doing influence you, or your wife. You both need to do what's best for you both and your family. x

Olympia

How old are yours?

If you are still reading. I recognise the emotions in your post, have felt them myself. Though it would never get better, thought mine were abnormal in the amount they fought with each other, thought I'd irrevocably damaged my DS1 and my relationship with him.

There was a time when I wanted to stop at one, and I think I had two partly because it's what me and DH knew, and because there does seem to be this window when the older one is 18 months - 3 when everyone is doing it.

It got better and better and better. I am so glad we had DS2.

OP - you have lots of time. Think and talk about it.

Actually I think I was more lonely with 2 siblings than I would have been as an only child, because I would have had more of my parents' time and attention.

Of course there are advantages and disadvantages to most types of family set-up. Being a middle child probably made me more independent and self-sufficient. And my parents are not 'needy' with me now, as they have two other grown-up children who they have much closer relationships with.

I agree that what 'everyone else' is doing is irrelevant here.

I can totally understand the feelings here. I have one DS who is nearly 4. For a long time people have been asking about number 2. I am totally and utterly happy with one. However, I am now in the early stages of pregnancy with number 2. This was a one off a couple of months ago when I (and other half obviously) had a mad moment (!) and it has been successful - which was a huge shock after one foolish attempt. I'm not at all sure what I feel about it, and in terms of positives for me, 9 months of mat leave is high up there rather than any want for another baby (babies cry and poo and wee and sick and I'm really not a baby person - I love it now DS is independent), and this will mean I'm also around for when DS starts school (I work FT otherwise). I have thought it will be nice for DS to have a full sibling (he has two halves but they don't live with us and he adores them), but he has expressed no wish for a brother or sister and whenever I've asked him the question has said "no, mummy, I want a dog". In terms of costs, we will be the same as the moment most likely with a little more expense as DS will be at school when I go back to work.
I'm sure it will be fine (too late now!), but I would have been totally happy with just one and can completely relate to the feelings.

I'm hoping the 4.5yr age gap will mean less fighting as DSC fight like cat and dog the whole time.