To think someones personal tragedy shouldn't totally negate their sensitivity to others?

[waterwatereverywhere]

This is my first post so be gentle with me. I'll try to summarise.

A very close friend lost a baby at term 2 years ago. Awful, devastating and the worst thing that can happen to anyone. Everyone rallied around, were tremendously supportive and did the very best they could in terrible circumstances. Very bravely she has publicly raised awareness, fund raised and documented her personal journey. Shortly after her loss she and her DP had a luxury holiday - everyone was pleased that although it offered her no relief from her loss she had a chance to recuperate a little. 2 months later there followed several city breaks, designer shopping trips, concerts and theatre trips. Again, everyone was pleased she had a tiny release amid the pain all be they just distractions. Over the 2 years that followed, via a blog and social networking she has charted her fund raising, her efforts to TTC and her feelings. It has been both heartbreaking and heartwarming.

Then gradually over several months the posts about her journey have diminished leaving only posts about a frankly lavish lifestyle. During this time close friends have suffered personal losses, divorce, illness, family deaths and financial difficulties following redundancy. These have not been acknowledged by her, but the posts about meals in wait list restaurants and holidays have increased 10 fold.

AIBU to wonder if it is OK for her to be unable to show sensitivity to others due to the nature of her personal grief? Much as I care about her and am pleased she is finding some small happiness is it natural that she can't empathise with others their less significant losses? If she had not been through what she has I would think she was being completely insensitive and dare I say, flaunting material things to friends who are financial on their knees (not me, before anyone says I am jealous)

Or do i just sound like an insensitive bitch?

OP - I'm a little confused as you described this person as 'a very close friend' and then later seem to slate her a bit. As I know, the death of a child is of course horrific, and it sounds like you tried to be as supportive as possible, but you are now not too keen on your friend, and you're sort of trying to figure out if you have permission to think badly of this person, or if because of what happened to her you are 'allowed' ease off on the friendship or have to be tied to her forever...
In a way, it is as if you are letting what happened to her determine the terms of the friendship. Do you think you could join in with some of her more 'fun' activities while privately acknowledging to yourself that there are some aspects of her you can never understand? I think rather than totally breaking with her friendship, you might re-establish it just between the two of you - your posts make it sound like you are part of a bit of a gang and maybe just more of a one-on-one friendship would work better for you both?
Having been through something similar to your friend, I felt a bit awkward around groups of friends, and find it easier and more meaningful to just hang out with one or two at a time. And good idea to not read her blog etc - just get to know her again as she is now, and see how it goes.
I think that as someone else said, she might feel that there is a group discussing her, and that might make her more isolated, boastful etc. A group mentality can be dangerous, and I think that you should maybe stick your neck out a little here

you have no idea how she feels, my FB hides a personal tragedy that would make your average person weep, its the one place I can pretend to be normal

Noone on fb even knew I was pg. As for the word loss, I think that it's depends on the person, it's very rare I say ds died.

However because ds was under the gestation of viability we did have to get used to the term late mc. We also have to occasionally put up with comments that we are 'lucky' that it was earlier on and not at term.

If her insensitivity is confined to facebook comments I think you absolutely need to let it go. Being glib and boastful on a social networking site may not appear very nice but a) you have no idea what stories of happy families her feed is bringing up and what courage it may take her to maitain that persona and b) its just that, a persona. Noone presents their true self on a website, even if they want to - it is such a limited way of expressing who you are that some things get magnified and others diminshed. It's a cartoon self. Hide the persona if you don't like it but don't break off the friendship.

If her insensitivity is displayed elsewhere - eg you are sitting round a table with her and another friend and other friend says "I'm a bit worried because DH just got made redundant" and she replies "never mind, I'm off to Barbados tomorrow, isn't that amaaazing", you can rightly but gently say to her please could you be a bit more tactful. But you mustn't bring her grief into it. You suspect the two are related, she may not even recognise that and it's not your grief to intrude upon in that way. Address the behaviour at the time it manifests, gently and don't make a big deal out of it. Also think about the way that you and your other friends present yourselves to her - do you display signs of becoming uncomfortable if she veers off the trivial? She may well think that her grief embarresses you and that the only way she can maintain her friendships is by keeping up the persona she's created.