to get annoyed when people tell me I'm lucky to have had such a quick labourr?

[MrsHelsBels74]

I was severely traumatised by the birth of my son. It was very quick & there was no time for any pain relief. Yet people tell me I'm lucky I wasn't in labour for 30+ hours etc.

AIBU to want to tell these people to fuck off as they weren't there & have no idea what it was like? I don't think there is such a thing as an easy birth, however you do it it's hard work & very few people get the birth they actually envisaged?

YABU if you don't want their comments then don't tell them you had a quick labour.

I've done both.... 36 hour and a 2 hour with no pain relief.
Much preferred the 2 hour as it was quick and there were no issues, other than it hurt like hell!

Everyone is different..at least ot is all over.
Hope you're feeling ok.

YANBU!!

I have had the same.

My labour was 4 1/2 hours. I was early so had to be examined by a doctor not a mw which meant I waited 4 hours to be looked at.

By then it was too damn late for pain relief!

I just them and let it go. Or if I am in a particularly bad mood then fuck off comes in very handy

Why would this annoy you? Obviously having pain for a short period of time is better than hsving pain for a long period. I don't think people are saying its a walk in the park for you, it's still agonising but just less time being in agony.

Yeah I find it really annoying too, YANBU. My friend was in labour for 3 days and apparently that's 'worse'. She was able to sleep as usual for the first 2 nights. I think my labour was about 13 hours start to finish and it was horrendous. Frankly it was difficult for both of us and it annoys me no end that people try to make out that one labour can be compared to another. I had a hard time, she had a hard time. Yes it was only 13 hous but I am still in counselling 2 years later!

missy What about when they ask how long you labour was?
Do you lie? Do you tell the truth and get 'Oh you were lucky'

Try telling them to "fuck off as they weren't there & have no idea what it was like". They'll then regale you with tales of their excrutiating labour, etc. Many women get very competitive about labour experiences; it seems that having had an appalling time of it makes you a more worthwhile person, or something.

Obviously a quick one is going to be better than a slow one though... So I can understand why people think you're lucky if they hear the words 'quick labour', without realising how much pain youd have been in withou relief.

YANBU. My poor friend was at hospital for 20 minutes before her DD appeared and then spent 3 times as long in theatre having a 4th degree tear sutured. I cringe when people tell her she was 'lucky'.

I'm another that's done both.
Ds2 was 27 hours in the coming and I had the works regarding pain relief.
Ds2 came in an hour and a half and I had time for absolutely nothing. It was brutal!

I far preferred the second labour though.

IMO I have experienced both - 1st labour over 24 hours, had gas & air, pethadine, epidural. 2nd labour - wasn't allowed anything as I was 'only 2cm'... 2 hrs later I got told 'time to push'. Both hurt like hell - much prefer the 2nd one and yeh I feel lucky it was quick

YABU. My last 4 hours of labour were traumatic and with no pain relief. The previous 48 were no picnic either. I would happily swap my experience for yours including the odd irritating remark.

I understand how you feel. I was the same with no. 1 and sick of being told what an easy time I had had.
However, over time and after getting over the shock of it all, I came to see that actually they were right. No 3 day labour, vomiting, epidural, big epesiotomy, failed forceps, emergency section. A few stitches, early mobility, home after 6 hrs in my case.
So, all things considered, I was lucky.
Even better, no.2 was quick,easy and not a shock as I was half expecting it.

I had a long'ish (mostly down to accepting the so-called "pain relief" they virtually forced on me) labour and a quick one. Without doubt I'd choose the latter any day.

I'd be inclined to hold back on giving out much detail about your labour though. Invariably someone will say the first thing that comes out of their mouth and it usually won't be appropriate.

I hear you OP, first and only was 4 hrs 20 min, from 0 to 50 in seconds, I had no 'build up' and they left me in pushing phase for two hours! I was in agony and all I had was gas and air as DD 'will be here any second'.

DD is an only child.

Bonkey I would just say 'I can't remember how long it was but it was quite traumatic' or 'it felt like it was about a week but he's here now thats the main thing' or 'I'd rather forget the labour if you don't mind'. You don't have to answe if you dont want to get those sort of comments.

Oh the labour competition.

Everyone really needs to get over it. I gave birth with no pain relief. And? If there weren't complications you were lucky. Why does that matter though?

1st time - 54 hours. 2nd time - 42 minutes.

Both were horrific in their own ways.

I can see why you find the comments irritating; as far as I can see length of labour isn't the only factor that determines whether or not it's a "lucky" experience.

I had a labour that was pain free, no pain relief. I was in pain for about 5 mins with a bad contraction

Everybodys different.

They kept me in hospital for a week after though, and that was a living hell! - Makes me angry thinking about it!

YABU Having had 3 entirely different labours, one being very quick and with zero pain relief, I can tell you that yes it was agony but nothing like the agony, exhaustion and soul destroying length of a long labour.

Perhaps you can hope for your next one you have a lengthy labour then you can decided if you were lucky or not.

Obviously tears etc change the situation. But if your comparing normal labour both with no pain relief the it's better to be in pain for less time.

I'm pretty certain studies have shown that short, fast labours are more painful.

However, from my limited experience during my nurse training I would definitely say shorter is preferable than longer.

I have experienced a fairly long-winded induction birth (DC1) and a very short, 2 hour from first twinge to babe in arms labour (DC3) and although painful MUCH nicer than the first.

We are all different though and it ain't no competition.

I do get what you mean- I had a pretty straightforward 12 hour labour with just gas and air. However I put SIL in her place when she said I had an 'easy' birth!

But often people are just thinking of something to say, and actually mean it as a compliment. And listening to some people's stories of episiotomies, forceps, babies in SCBU, I do feel lucky!

YANBU if that's how you feel then no-one can take that away from you.

I however, had a 12 minute labour with my 1st DS and a 10 minute labour with my 2nd DS.

Both were too fast, very traumatic and tore me rather badly.

However, I do consider myself extremely lucky when I hear horror stories of women being in labour for hours on end.

Having a long labour can still mean a traumatic birth so I'm grateful mine were over so quickly.