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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get annoyed when people tell me I'm lucky to have had such a quick labourr?

117 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 08/08/2012 20:40

I was severely traumatised by the birth of my son. It was very quick & there was no time for any pain relief. Yet people tell me I'm lucky I wasn't in labour for 30+ hours etc.

AIBU to want to tell these people to fuck off as they weren't there & have no idea what it was like? I don't think there is such a thing as an easy birth, however you do it it's hard work & very few people get the birth they actually envisaged?

OP posts:

elliejjtiny · 08/08/2012 20:59

YANBU. My shortest labour (90 mins) was the worst one. He was back to back and I was transferred to hospital in the middle of it. I went from rocking and mooing on my sofa to the labour ward where a woman kept asking me my date of birth and my address when I was mid contraction and trying to concentrate on my breathing exercises.

Also there is no such thing as a perfect pregnancy and birth. IME everyone has something awful happening during that time. One person might not have any morning sickness but have a long labour, another person might have hyperemisis.

My short labours (4h 20m, 90m, 2h 15m) are because I have hypermobility which comes with other complications so I just ask people if they want to swap. They are welcome to have my short labours if they also take my miscarriages, PROM and disabled children.

Disclaimer: I only say that to people who go on about it for ages, not people who make one off comments

MadgeHarvey · 08/08/2012 20:59

Oh we do love these competitive suffering threads! Look - if this kind of thing annoys you enough to start a moany thread about it just say the matter isn't up for discussion and move on. Why is everyone so bloody annoyed the whole time?

puffinnuffin · 08/08/2012 21:01

YANBU. I also found my quick premature labour traumatic. It took 7 years before I decided to go through it again!

cutegorilla · 08/08/2012 21:04

YANBU, 1st one long ended in emergency CS. Awful. 2nd one 2.5 hrs from first twinge, urge to push came in the car on the way to hospital, no time for pain relief although luckily got to hospital before he arrived. Brutal and terrifying. The recovery was soo much easier though despite plentiful stitches. When I got pg the 3rd time it was fast labour that frightened me, not having another CS! In the event it was 4.5hrs, hospital in plenty of time, only 2 stitches, perfect really. I wouldn't deny I was lucky with that one. A good/bad experience comes down to a lot more than speed!

fuckbadger · 08/08/2012 21:05

Yanbu! The thing that people don't understand is that fast is scary, especially if its your first. Mws don't expect first babies to come quickly so you'll probably have been told to take paracetamol and call back later (bitter experience) and made to feel like a drama queen. It's obviously good to not be in pain for hours and hours but a fast labour can be intense, scary, out of control and traumatic.

Krumbum · 08/08/2012 21:05

Worra ten minutes wow! Did you hsve to start pushing on the first contraction?

letsblowthistacostand · 08/08/2012 21:06

Weeeelllll, traumatic labour is traumatic labour, regardless of the length. But, erm, imagine those same nasty contractions & out of control feeling for 12 hours or so. Not every fast labour is traumatic, just as not every long labour is an Enya-filled low-lit bliss-fest.

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 08/08/2012 21:07

Well I can only answer for myself but I am 34 weeks pregnant, hormonal, tired & crapping myself about giving birth again, that's why I'm annoyed. I don't see it as competitive, my labour was traumatic but them again so are most peoples. I feel for anyone who's given birth, no matter what it was like.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2012 21:08

Worra ten minutes wow! Did you hsve to start pushing on the first contraction?

Yes, they broke my waters and then put that drip thing in the back of my hand that speeds your contractions up....but they didn't tell me what it was.

So all I knew was I got one contraction (first I'd ever had in my life...not even had Braxton Hicks) and then I got another and another etc.

Couldn't actually catch my breath at all at one point but the bastards still didn't slow it down!

Still, my mate was in agony for about 24hrs so I still think I'm lucky.

MadgeHarvey · 08/08/2012 21:09

Well I'm bloody annoyed that you think you're lucky worra.

Byecklove · 08/08/2012 21:10

No, it's not true that a quick labour is better than a long one. It may be obvious to people who haven't been through it but until they have, they don't know. I've had both and the first short one felt like a runaway train. No time to relax in between contractions and they were far more intense more quickly. The recovery was great but baby was in shock to have been born so quickly. What I'm trying to say is that YANBU, it's not clearcut or obvious (but I enjoyed all of mine, however long they were!).

Moominsarescary · 08/08/2012 21:11

My friend was like that worra two contractions then the urge to push

I've had a 3 day labour with forcepts, blood loss 4th degree tear,
An hour labour with tearing and retained placenta
An emcs due to cord prolapse
And a birth with no contractions what so ever

I'm wondering what will happen this time

EmptyCrispPackets · 08/08/2012 21:12

I feel for you OP. I've delivered many a baby and women often report that the rapid deliveries are horrible as the pain is quite intense, and I think the feeling of being out of control especially if there's no time for pain relief, is just as bad.

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 08/08/2012 21:13

Oh people are allowed to think themselves lucky, I just object to someone else telling me I'm lucky when they weren't there.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2012 21:13

Madge I'm just bloody annoyed at all the annoyance annoying me

Hassled · 08/08/2012 21:16

YANBU and also YABU. My first 2 DC- very quick labours; 5 and 3 hours respectively. With my first I was just shell-shocked afterwards - there was no build up of the pain - it went from nothing to awful in moments. I was terrified.

DC3, however, was long - 36 hours - and was just exhausting. I did have a chance to get used to the pain gradually but the downside was I was knackered.

DC4 - a nice happy medium. The easiest, really.

Hobs · 08/08/2012 21:16

I think sometimes people say "lucky you" just for something to say. I have no experience of a fast labour, so can't really comment on it. However, I have had people tell me I was lucky to have the delivery I had (long labour, followed by a failed crash-section and eventual forceps delivery leading to 4th degree tears, other vaginal tears, uterine tears, severe blood loss and a baby having to be resuscitated and in SCBU), but I was lucky because I "didn't have to do the hardest bit" (ie pushing out the baby's head)

fuckbadger · 08/08/2012 21:19

Op is homebirth an option this time? I had a faster labour with my second dc but it was much better because I didn't have that fucking awful journey to hospital or childcare for dc1 to worry about. Also knowing that it would be fast helped me prepare better mentally.

Byecklove · 08/08/2012 21:19

MrsHelsBels I've just read your latest post

I don't see it as competitive, my labour was traumatic but them again so are most peoples

That's really sad, is that how it seems? That makes me want to cry. I loved my labours/births and know people who feel the same. If most are traumatic it makes me think something's going wrong somewhere with the care women are receiving. Anyway, that's another thread. Just wanted to wish you luck, congratulations!

Meglet · 08/08/2012 21:19

Yanbu. From MN I have learnt that fast labours are not all that they're cracked up to be. Funnily enough, people were sympathetic about my EMCS when it was actually fine.

stella1w · 08/08/2012 21:24

I had a quick pain free first birth and a long painful traumatic second birth.. but it's not the length of the labour etc but HOW YOU FELT ABOUT IT!! So if it was traumatic for you, then YANBU to be annoyed.. Funnily enough, I have just watched the video of my home birth more than a year after the event because I found the whole thing so traumatic due to the horrible midwife.. I found the experience so distressing I have had counselling and am about to do EMDR to try to move on.. but when I watch the birth from the outside everything looks fine - I am lucid and calm etc even though inside I was really suffering.. so ..if I were you I would stop telling people you had a quick labour and just say you found it very distressing and you'd rather not talk about it, or you will talk about it if the other person can listen compassionately.

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 08/08/2012 21:24

fuckbadger a midwife suggested a home birth but I really want to attempt a successful water birth this time & there isn't room here for a birthing pool (unless I go in the garden )

byeck yes I don't know anyone who loved their labour so had assumed most people felt the same way I did. Nice to know it's not all bad.

OP posts:

neolara · 08/08/2012 21:26

I've had quick labours. The first (4 1/2 hours from first twinge to finish) was very painful and very traumatic for the reasons EmptyCrispPackets describes. It felt completely out of control, the levels of pain were a completely different league to my second labour and because the midwife knew it was my first baby, she didn't bother to check how fast things were progressing despite my dh literally begging someone to come and see me. No-one bothered to to explain how gas and air worked until I was fully dilated. The midwife looked very alarmed when she finally checked me out and realised I was ready to push. Was a completely crap experience, despite being relatively short.

My second labour was also 4 1/2 hours start to finish, but relatively pain free, a planned homebirth and not traumatic at all.

My third labour was 30 mins start to finish, but not traumatic for me at all as I barely had time to register what was going on. It was, however, very traumatic for my dh who had to deliver our dd2 in the kitchen.

OHforDUCKScake · 08/08/2012 21:43

Is 5 hours considered quick then? DC2 was just under 5 hours but I thought that was pretty normal. It was a relatively easy labour, and the pain was manageble but I found the intensity and speed of it very frightening. Ive always said a nice 8-10 hour labour would be better! I always felt pretty stupid feeling as though 5 hours was too quick but Im reading here that 5 hours IS considered quick so I feel slightly less planky now.

stella1w · 08/08/2012 21:47

OP - FWIW I LOVED my first birth experience in a hospital - no pain relief but flat on my back being told to PUUUUSH by obstetric nurse - nothing calm about it, but it worked for me..
My second birth was a home water birth.. due to the unsupportive midwife I found it traumatic.. and I didn't find the water helped the pain at all. I think I would have been ok with a home birth and a good midwife.. so if you really want a home birth, maybe try it without water?

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