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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get annoyed when people tell me I'm lucky to have had such a quick labourr?

117 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 08/08/2012 20:40

I was severely traumatised by the birth of my son. It was very quick & there was no time for any pain relief. Yet people tell me I'm lucky I wasn't in labour for 30+ hours etc.

AIBU to want to tell these people to fuck off as they weren't there & have no idea what it was like? I don't think there is such a thing as an easy birth, however you do it it's hard work & very few people get the birth they actually envisaged?

OP posts:

EmilieFloge · 09/08/2012 11:29

Rightm just to clarify, My information (or misinformation) comes from a book published in the early 70s.

It says that it is not known how many contractions it takes to deliver a child, but that as a rough working estimate (taken from babies induced in a hospital setting) it probably requires around 150 to deliver a first child, about 75 for a second or third, and around 50 for a fourth or fifth.

After that you go down to 30 or 40.

It's totally random though, I accept that! I'm hoping for just one or two contractions with this one

Sorry for giving misleading info.

missymoomoomee · 09/08/2012 11:58

My cousin was very lucky and I don't care if it annoyed her I told her about a million times haha, but then she loved rubbing everyones noses in the fact she only had 4 contractions and her labour was done before her potatoes were (she was cooking tea at the time). Hope this time around is ok for you Emilie, I would lay off reading anything from the 70s about labour and birth though I did this and scared myself silly and before baby was born

CherryBlossom27 · 09/08/2012 12:05

I would say I was very lucky and had a good labour, but I wouldn't appreciate someone telling me it was ''easy" so kind of the same thing as the op.

IME once you get past the first 12 weeks people seem to stop talking and asking qabout the labour don't they?

If I had had a bad experience, then I would tell people the basics and state that I didn't want to talk about it as it wasn't a good experience.

BadaBingBang · 09/08/2012 12:12

YANBU OP. You didn't get the chance to get the pain relief you felt you needed. You were told it was too late when you asked for it, and that made you feel helpless to do anything about the mounting pain you were feeling. It doesn't matter that it was quick, its more to do with expectations and feeling able to manage your situation.

CaptainHetty · 09/08/2012 12:12

I do feel relatively lucky in some respects, because I could never have coped with it for the amount of time some women do. I bloody admire them for it, I was done in after 2 hours! I don't openly boast about how quick my labours are but if people ask I'll be honest. I do get the 'oooh you lucky cow' comments, but you can mostly tell it's said in jest, nobody has ever been genuinely offended by the fact it takes me a comparatively small amount of time to give birth. So no, I don't find it annoying, really.

bubalou · 09/08/2012 12:26

YANBU.

I had just over a 4 hour labour and I still get stick from my friends.

Because it was my 1st birth and I was handling contractions well when I went to the hospital after my waters broke she simply swabbed me and told me to go home as it was likely to last at least 24 hours. I threw up at this point.

At home I was in AGONY and freaking out!!! As all I could think was - oh my god, it hurts soooo much and I'm not even 1cm dilated yet! What is wrong with me, I can't do this for another 24 hours. Anyway after an hour of excruciating pain the 'pressure' got too much and I could barely walk. Luckily we lived only a 3 minute drive from the hospital.

When I arrived it was 10:07pm. The midwife looked blankly at me when my husband said I was in too much pain and they needed to take a look - she literally sighed!

He went to get my book and bag from the car, she put me on a bed and asked me to take off my leggins & underwear, I could barely move as I was having constant contractions - she did it for me (reluctantly) and I will never forget her face. She called for the other midwife very quickly and told her to get a delivery tray in as the head was there! Thanks.

DH arrived back to be told the head was out and to hold my hand. I asked for gas and air but was told I had no time. DS was born at 10:13pm.

My friends still joke now that I sneezed and he 'fell out'. That was not the case, I needed stitches, I didn't have time to do any of the things I wanted to. But he was here safe. Everybody has a different birth experience and I won't let anybody take anything away from mine. Fuck em!

PropertyNightmare · 09/08/2012 14:41

I have had one 7 hour labour (my first) and 3 ridiculously fast labours (no pain relief with two of those). Whilst the fast labours did hurt like buggery I would say I was very lucky that it was all over in a hurry and with no complications at all. I feel very grateful that I am (according to the midwives) 'a baby making machine!'

Liketochat1 · 09/08/2012 14:43

It's not a competition as to who has it worse! But certainly I would rather have pain for a short time than a long time.

DoItOnce · 09/08/2012 14:52

It is amazing that any of us have more than one baby. For nearly everybody it hurts like hell, fast or slow. I am not a wuss but I still shudder when I remember how much each birth hurt.

missymoomoomee · 09/08/2012 14:59

Liketo it shouldn't be a competition but it bloomin feels like it. I remember with my 1st I was on a ward with 5 other people, we were sitting having our lunch and the talk descended into 'well my placenta split into 2' 'oh really, how lucky are you mine split into 4' or 'I nearly died during labour' 'well my heart actually stopped beating for 30 seconds' all trying to outdo each other on who had it worse. And you can guarantee when you announce you are pregnant at least 10 people will say 'well I hope your labour wasn't like mine it was awful...(insert eye watering story here..)'.

Psammead · 09/08/2012 15:07

All labours and births are different. No-one can say this woman had a worse time than this, because it's all relative. All that matters is how any one woman feels about it afterwards. Sorry you felt bad about yours, OP.

Contractions with DD started at 7 mins apart and continued that way for 30 hours. Then I had 6 hours of 5 mins or less until she was born. I tore in three places. The last two hours I had pain relief, partly to help with the pain, partly so I could try to sleep because I was totally knackered.

My only aim was that we both survive, which we did, so I feel pretty good about it really.

This next one could go a bit faster though. Maybe a gentle cough and she'll just pop out.

mummytofive · 09/08/2012 15:23

i have pure empathy for you op. Our family has a history of 'quick labours' my nana gave birth in a car park after shopping, my mum had me in the kitchen making a packed lunch for my brother. I had my dd in an antenatal bay waiting to see a doctor about bleeding after a scan showed a low placenta, on my own. it was scarey and the pain after was emense. however, you dont get much pain relief after dispite the uterus contracting and my body being in shock as it hadnt built up for labour. I was petrified when preg with ds, but no consultant would take me seriously. my ds was born on the m1. I was in total shock and disbelief, neither baby was able to control their tempature, and i often wonder if it is because they are more like a c-section child, very mucusey as their lungs didnt get the squeezing from contractions. I was a nervous wreck during the pregnancy and had all friends and neighbours with keys for my house, wouldnt drive after 36wks incase i suddenly went into labour. it seriously affected me, so i was distraught when i found myself expecting our gift from god. I could not think rationally at all. in the end i went to a completley different health authority. they addmitted me at 36wks and i had an emergency kit next to my bed. at 38wks as nothing was happening they induced me by breaking my waters. they said they wudnt use the drip as they couldnt tell if i had contracted without knowing it in previous pregnancys or wether it had all happened really quick so didnt want to risk the uterus contracting with the drug. so no sign of labour, waters being broke, baby 8mins later. but it was not stressfull as i felt they were in control of things and knew my baby was safe.
a quick labour is not an easy option, no labour is easy i know, but the complete feeling of being out of control of your body and the distress it causes is no less than a long labour. some people cope with long labours, some people cope with quick labours, but yanbu, no-one can say the person next to them had an easy/hard time, its as individual as your baby is.
good luck with this pregnancy, try and get some support. xx

PurityBrown · 09/08/2012 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueskycp · 09/08/2012 15:40

Sorry but YABU. Yes I know it hurts like fuck regardless of the length of time but my first DC was long and agonisingly painful compared to my second DC [like shelling a pea] Be thankful for small mercies!

threeleftfeet · 09/08/2012 15:56

YABU You may not like this but I consider you lucky.

I had a long labour with no pain relief. (5 attempts at epidural and not one worked.).

Imagine you had the pain you experienced over 2 hours, over the best part of a day. If you had, you might consider someone with only 2 hours of pain lucky.

spartafc · 09/08/2012 16:01

I don't see how anyone can tell you YABU. As you say, however you do it it's hard work & very few people get the birth they actually envisaged?
Your labour, for whatever reason, has left you feeling traumatized and you feel that this isn't taken into account by people when they make these comments about it being fast. That's not unreasonable.
I had a ridiculously quick labour (well under 2 hours from 0cm to 10cm) and there are things about it that were good and things that were bad (mainly that I was alone for all but the last 10 mins and that my DH missed the whole thing ). It's swings and roundabouts isn't it? Like you say, it probably wasn't what I had envisaged.
FWIW I felt quite shaky about the whole thing for a few weeks after - like I'd had a shock, which I sort of had.
I hope you can come to terms with your feelings about your DS's birth, OP.

5madthings · 09/08/2012 16:06

i think quick labours are generally better but it can be very intense and very painful very quickly, its not necessarily good for your body or your baby.

ds1 took three days, long, painful and tiring.

ds2 7hrs, that was ok actually, it built up gradually and i felt in control

ds3 3 hrs, ok, it got painful very quickly but again managable

ds4 less than an hour, i did have him in a pool, was induced but as it was so quick he ended up having to stay in and be observed due to breathing difficulties, i didnt have topush he basically shot out on his own (10lb 13oz) think his size helped him come out so quickly! anyway it meant his lungs hadnt cleared propelry and during the night they had to get paediatrician to chek on him, take bloods and help wiht his breathing as he was really struggling, that was stressful!

dd took 3 hrs, here was the most painful as she was back to back, but had she not been the midwife said she also would have been very quick. but it was still ok.

i love gas and air tho and found it fantastic for all my labours and despite needing syntocinon with dd, and being induced with all 5 they were what i would call 'good labours' straighforward, no complications and i managed ok with gas and air and i was fine and baby was fine afterwards, tho i was in shock after ds1.

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