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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have spent the last hour sobbing for my baby back...

75 replies

VIX1980 · 08/08/2012 20:16

Im a new mum, ds is 6 wks old today. his 1st week was in intensive care, i was also in hospital, had lots of problems throughout with in law but when he was 3 weeks old i left him with my mum for an hour while i went to choose some carpet for his room, she answered the phone to mil, and ever since she had been moaning at how unfair it is my mum gets preferential treatment.

so today i heard from a relative mil has been slagging me off to anyone who will listen telling them how i think shes a bad nan, i dont take him there cos she smokes etc. i dont take him there cos ive never got on with her so y would i start visiting now. Ive finally given in tonight though and hes gone to visit for a couple of hours whil i stay here and his dad is playing football, yet all ive done is sob since they left. i still think hes too young to be with other people, mil sees other family members with the gc's and thinks she should be the same.

tell me im being stupid to be crying and get over it. i know i cant keep him to myself, my sensible side does know that! but my hormones are telling me to come up with an excuse to go and get him off her, in a way i feel like ive been pushed into it before im ready.

OP posts:
louloutheshamed · 08/08/2012 20:17

Omg go and get him! Why couldn't you go with him?

BonkeyHasGOLDMollocks · 08/08/2012 20:17

YANBU!

((hugs)) :)

Go and get your baby and wait until, you are ready next time.

blueberryboybait · 08/08/2012 20:18

Go and get him, he is your baby and too tiny to be away from you especially if it is upsetting you this much.

MariosTash · 08/08/2012 20:18

Go and get your baby, don't be pushed into something you're not ready for x

CailinDana · 08/08/2012 20:18

You poor thing. Don't be pushed into "sharing" your baby. Now is the time to put your foot down and tell your MIL that you are the baby's mother and you will decide when he goes to visit family. If you give in now your MIL will get the message that she can walk all over you and she definitely sounds like the type who would.

Go there now and get him back.

Sirzy · 08/08/2012 20:19

Your MIL is the one being unreasonable.

Nobody should feel they have to leave their 6 weeks old with someone just to stop an adult sulking.

My advice would be to try to relax a bit now until it is time to pick him up and then don't leave him with anyone until you (and your DH) are ready and only with people your both happy with

Nancy66 · 08/08/2012 20:19

Your baby is tiny and has recently been seriously ill, he should be with you...not alone at the home of a chain smoker.

If people want to visit, then they come to YOU - please put your foot down in future.

Springforward · 08/08/2012 20:20

Go and get your baby, he's so little, he needs you and you need him. You don't need an excuse, he's your baby.

bigpants103 · 08/08/2012 20:20

Go and get him. My dc didn't leave me until they were at least 10mths. Don't let her tell you what you should be doing!!!!

Babylon1 · 08/08/2012 20:20

YANBU at all, that is your precious baby that you have left with a woman you don't get on with, who has slagged you off and by the sounds of it you don't particularly likeSad

Personally I wouldn't have left any of my DCs with MIL, and neither would DH. Yet we never had a problem leaving them with my parents.

If you're unhappy, go and fetch your baby home.

Yama · 08/08/2012 20:20

Agree with everyone else - go and get him. You poor thing.

GhostShip · 08/08/2012 20:21

Oh OP!

Go get him if you can.

I hate this entitlement some grandparents have over their grandchildren. As a mother herself she should appreciate how you're feeling. And why does the baby have to be left on his own? Confused

Hope you're okay x

wannabedomesticgoddess · 08/08/2012 20:21

Go and get him. Far too young for you to be expected to leave him with people without you there.

YANBU to not want to let him out of your sight.

Put your foot down!!

MrsKeithRichards · 08/08/2012 20:21

If it makes you feel this shit then don't do It.

I happily waved both mine off for sleepovers at that age with either granny but I have great relationships with them and felt comfortable doing so. Most importantly, it was my choice.

Your baby will be fine, try to relax and enjoy the time but feel confident enough to say no if you want to.

noblegiraffe · 08/08/2012 20:21

Why on earth aren't you with him?

GWenlockMaryLacey · 08/08/2012 20:22

You're not stupid, he's so tiny, of course you're sobbing. Tell her, if you must, that you'll think about this sort of thing in a few months when you've found your feet. In the meantime everyone else can butt out. This time is for you and your partner get used to parenthood. Everyone else can sod off.

lisad123 · 08/08/2012 20:22

Go and get him now and tell her she is welcome to come to you but he will not be outbid your sight.

SamosaYouWinSamosaYouLose · 08/08/2012 20:22

YANBU - your MIL has been unbelievably selfish.

squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 20:22

A 6 week old baby does not "go to visit"... he gets taken by his mum or dad. YANBU and your MIL is being ridiculously selfish. Fine if you had asked her round to your house and gone out for an hour, but you should not have felt pressured into this situation.

But, he will be fine, he will not come to any harm, so dont worry about that.

PorkyandBess · 08/08/2012 20:23

I can't fathom why you left him there. Why not visit her and stay with him?

BlueSkySoftSand · 08/08/2012 20:24

Oh goodness, definitely go and get your baby. Too young and you don't have to be apart if you don't want to. Completely agree with Ghostship comment.

Pastabee · 08/08/2012 20:25

Go and get him. My DD is 9 months and I can count on one hand the number of times I've left her with someone else.

I personally would take him to visit her but I wouldn't leave him there regardless of whether you like MIL or what she wants you to do.

GColdtimer · 08/08/2012 20:25

I get on really well with my mil but when she offered to take dd1 out in the pram for an hour when she was about 3 weeks I just couldn't do it. Cried at the thought. Go and get him. And have a hug too.

Shelly32 · 08/08/2012 20:26

You've made me feel like sobbing for you! Go and get your little one and don't EVER let anyone emotionally blackmail/badger /persuade you into doing ANYTHING you don't want to do when it comes to your baby. XXX

VIX1980 · 08/08/2012 20:27

Thankyou, i do know they wont harm him and half of me thinks im seriously over reacting, but i know how i feel now and i wont be letting him out of my sight again, id feel differently if it was my own mum which is why i left him last time. i think if mil hadnt of known this she wouldnt bre pressuring me for him now. But it certainly stops now and she can get it kout of her head this will be a regular thing.

i feel bad now for letting a 6 week old baby go out without me. and can just imagine him crying and wanting to be settled. i know she can settle him ive seen her do it so thats not a worry, its more me worrying for him than worrying about what would happen to him iyswim.

and yes, my mil is incredibly selfish, 1 of many reason we have never got on!
Id go and get him now but its a 40 min walk there then 40 back, dp is picking him up at half 9 so not long to go now.

OP posts:
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