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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have spent the last hour sobbing for my baby back...

75 replies

VIX1980 · 08/08/2012 20:16

Im a new mum, ds is 6 wks old today. his 1st week was in intensive care, i was also in hospital, had lots of problems throughout with in law but when he was 3 weeks old i left him with my mum for an hour while i went to choose some carpet for his room, she answered the phone to mil, and ever since she had been moaning at how unfair it is my mum gets preferential treatment.

so today i heard from a relative mil has been slagging me off to anyone who will listen telling them how i think shes a bad nan, i dont take him there cos she smokes etc. i dont take him there cos ive never got on with her so y would i start visiting now. Ive finally given in tonight though and hes gone to visit for a couple of hours whil i stay here and his dad is playing football, yet all ive done is sob since they left. i still think hes too young to be with other people, mil sees other family members with the gc's and thinks she should be the same.

tell me im being stupid to be crying and get over it. i know i cant keep him to myself, my sensible side does know that! but my hormones are telling me to come up with an excuse to go and get him off her, in a way i feel like ive been pushed into it before im ready.

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 08/08/2012 20:28

go and get him!!!

Most mothers don't leave their DCs with anyone other than the DC's dad when they are babies, we didn't have a night out as a couple until DS was 6 months. It's normal to want to be with your baby. it's not normal to be happy to swan off and leave them. Go go go!

RagamuffinAndFidget · 08/08/2012 20:28

I would go and get him, as PPs have said. Six weeks is still so tiny, most babies of that age barely even realise they're born yet. Tell MIL that when he's older and not so dependent on you and new to the world then you will discuss him staying with her for a while every now and then.

You do not have to leave your baby with anyone you don't feel happy leaving them with, and just because your Mum had him for an hour, once, does not mean you are obligated to let MIL have him on her own now. Your Mum was doing you a favour, MIL is just being a cow.

DontmindifIdo · 08/08/2012 20:29

Any other offers of taking him say "thank you, that's really kind, if I need childcare, I'll call you, but I think we're alright now." Everytime act like she's doing you a favour and you do'nt want to impose.

DoItOnce · 08/08/2012 20:30

YANBU sobbing for no obvious reason when you have a 6 week old it the homones, tiredness, etc, etc let alone sobbing when you have a perfectly good reason like you clearly have.

Your MIL sounds a right PITA.

DontmindifIdo · 08/08/2012 20:30

And I'd get him now - you would be there at 9pm if you walk fast, maybe have a brew and talk to them until DP turns up to bring you all home. You can say "I missed him too much, I didn't enjoy my time off."

Shelly32 · 08/08/2012 20:30

To make you feel better, I didn't leave my girls with MIL until they were a year old! They did however stay with my mum and dad. My girls too were in intensive care for 4 weeks and I think that makes you particularly anxious about them. Not to say your MIL or mine are any less capable of caring for them but you know and love your parents. From experience, most women I know spend more time/have their kids spend more time when young with their own parents rather than with their husband's parents. Don't feel bad.

NarkedRaspberry · 08/08/2012 20:31

(hugs)

As Ragamuffin says, your mother was helping you out not taking your baby out fecking visiting.

ginhag · 08/08/2012 20:35

You are NOT overreacting. She is being selfish, and she has absolutely no fucking right to pressure you into something like this. In the same situation I would've been BESIDE myself.

Excuse the CAPITALS I am incensed on your behalf.

Your DP/DH should tell her (not you, HE should) that it is not right to pressure you.

I want to go and get your baby for you.

x

holler · 08/08/2012 20:36

I'm sure baby will be fine - prob won't even notice!! But say no next time. Stupid mil cow.
Fwiw, I left dd for an hour w my mum at 4 weeks and an hour with mil at 7 weeks (both times at my house). Dd slept the whole time so didn't realise I'd gone, but I hated it, and it was more for DM and mil than for me. Won't be doing it again!! Mil kept asking when she could have dd for the day - her wish came true at 7months as I had to go to hospital for the day, but she came to my house. Now at 18mo, dd goes more often Grin.

MrsKeithRichards · 08/08/2012 20:37

Why can't people accept whilp some people aren't happy doing something, some are!

I was/am happy for my mum and mil to care for my babies occasionally but totally accept some aren't. Nothing is 'not normal'.

Hope you're ok op.

thekidsrule · 08/08/2012 20:45

op its understandale that you dont want to be parted from your baby at this early stage

but im gonna through a spanner,you now have a son yourself and maybe in years to come you as a mil may feel pushed out as many in life do

many times the new mum has alot to do with her own family more than the partners

please dont be to hard on your mil,maybe your son can build bridges between you two if theres been conflict,in cases like this there is always conflict just wait till who your going to for christmas Grin

what im saying is hes your baby and of course you have every right to want to be with him,just understand that by the sounds mil feels pushed out and this is also common

cant you invite her to yours,just the three of you

ginhag · 08/08/2012 20:47

MrsKeith, it's not whether or not it's normal (well for me it isn't) it's that the OP felt pushed into doing something that is making her miserable.

Pandemoniaa · 08/08/2012 20:49

Good grief! I'm a grandmother and I cannot imagine expecting my ddil to have been parted from dgd at 6 weeks old and she was a full-term, healthy baby. As someone else has said, babies of this age don't go visiting without their parents and I cannot believe your mil thinks it appropriate that your ds should.

Go and get him immediately. Do not allow future unaccompanied visits until he is old enough for you to cope with them. This will not be any time in the near future, though.

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 08/08/2012 20:52

go get him! god you should't have been rail-roaded into this, why the hell didn't your DH stand up for you?

cutegorilla · 08/08/2012 20:53

Oh bless you. I couldn't have done that even with someone I totally loved and trusted when my babies were that tiny. I think it's a totally normal, natural reaction to feel like the baby should be with you. (I'm not saying there's anything wrong with people who don't feel that way - MN disclaimer) You certainly shouldn't feel bad for your reaction. Don't do it again until you are ready!

Flisspaps · 08/08/2012 20:53

He is six weeks old.

Go and get him - even if it means buses and taxis! It doesn't matter that they'll look after him and that they love him. He is your baby and you want him with you. Nothing else matters. I wouldn't give a flying fuck about being slagged off or being moaned about.

I'm firmly of the belief that if a mother isn't ready to be away from her child, then her child probably isn't ready to be away from her. Don't be bullied into something that's not right for you or your baby.

Raspberrysorbet · 08/08/2012 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 08/08/2012 20:58

ignore all the go get him hectoring.nutty and hysterical
your dp will collect and bring back safely soon enough
christ posters are over reacting you've left baby with its gran,not some random bird from the pub

i understand you will be anxious and miss your baby
i doint understand all the go,run,whatever it takes
its a trip to granny not child abduction and imprisonment

YouOldSlag · 08/08/2012 21:00

thekidsrule- I get that you're saying think of the MIL feeling left out, but pish to that! the baby is 6 weeks old and needs only his mother. Everyone else will have to suck it up whether they are feeling "left out" or not.

MILs in general needn't be left out and probably won't be if they are kind and supportive to their DILs. But MILs have years to catch up. We are talking about a 6 week old baby and a very upset mother who doesn't want to be separated yet.

Babies are not trophies for other people to show off.

OP, poor you, YANBU.

Yummymummyyobe1 · 08/08/2012 21:00

Go and get your little one, you should not be forced into anything. Your baby is your baby not the evil MIL.

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 08/08/2012 21:01

scottish mummy it is a smoking house
it is a house where the mother is slagged off
it is for a number of hours it sounds

its not like a woman who chose to send her 6WO somewhere she is comfortable with is being told to go get him, this woman is not comforable with taking her baby there even if she's there too!

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2012 21:02

Why doesn't your Husband take the baby to see his Mum? Confused

YouOldSlag · 08/08/2012 21:02

Agree lacking- a baby who has been in intensive care should not be in a smoky house!

scottishmummy · 08/08/2012 21:03

you dont need to do an 80minute walk. let dp get baby
baby is safe but severely missed by you
next time firmly decline mil wanting to take baby

Pandemoniaa · 08/08/2012 21:03

If the OP was happy to send her 6 week old baby off to visit her MIL that'd be fine. What's not fine is that she feels coerced into doing so.

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