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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my neighbour is invading my part of the garden???

70 replies

AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 07/08/2012 23:53

Hi fellow mumsnetters, I think IANBU, but you be the judge.

I rented my flat a couple of years ago. It has a garden, which the estate agent said was private, but then it turned out it was shared (they lied!). There's just another flat that has access to this garden. She (my neighbour) has got a patio just for her too. At the beginning I didn't mind her using the garden, because she was just planting a few flowers here and there, but in the last months she's become more and more agressive and territorial.

  • She has planted some vegs in the part that I consider "mine". She asked me if I minded after she had started, abd to be polite, I said yes.
  • She has moved the stones that separate her bit of garden from mine, so that she has almost 1/3 more of space now. I didn't realize until a friend told me and I looked at pictures from a year ago.
  • Last Sunday I was having lunch in the garden with my DD and my sister and she came and started doing heavy gardening in front of us... I felt invaded so we ended up inside the house to have some privacy.

AIBU? I need ideas on how to deal with this because I'm thinking too much about it. At the moment we have a polite relationship (say hi and bye).

Sorry for any mispellings, typing on the phone.

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 08/08/2012 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strugglingwiththepreteenbit · 08/08/2012 12:09

I'd say to the landlord that the other flat is making use of it more than you are, to the point that it's becoming a bit uncomfortable when you do. That you hope to sort this out with them without involving him in an official capacity at this stage but you want the official terms clarified before you do.

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 08/08/2012 12:12

This is what I wrote to the landlord (I used some of your sentences)

"Dear landlord blah blah blah

Regarding the garden... I feel this might be a source of discrepancy with my neighbour, that is why I would like to find out exactly who can use what before I mention it to her. Surely you must have the original plans for the flat?

I know that some similar flats will have a shared garden where the patio only is for one flat and the rest of the garden is for the other. Also, It just seems odd that she also has an outdoor space for her sole use, as well as what the estate agent told me.

However, if no plans were found and we needed to make a new arrangement, I would ask for 2/3rds, at least, (as, like I said, she has sole use of the patio). By the way, you are more than welcome to come and visit us any time if you want to have a look at the space for yourself.

Kind regards etc"

I hope I used the right words! (I'm not English)

OP posts:
Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 08/08/2012 12:14

Thanks for all your help btw. It's certainly helping me to address this instead of ignoring it. Like some of you pointed out, it might not even be my neighbours fault. xx

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/08/2012 12:21

It might well say on the title documents which you can get online from the land registry for a few pounds by searching your address.
www.landregistry.gov.uk/public/online-services

You need the documents specific to your flat not the details of the freehold building i.e. you would want Flat A, 123 Any Street not 123 Any Street. There should be one register entry for the whole property and separate register entries for each flat.

Even though its an old property, if it has been sold in the last couple of decades it has probably been registered with the Land Registry.

AMigratingCoconutsPersonalBest · 08/08/2012 12:29

watching with interest. hope it works out. The landlord seems very vague in my opinion

hoodoo12345 · 08/08/2012 12:34

God i hate neighbour politics,i hope it works out for you.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 08/08/2012 12:46

Yup: there seems to be definite confusion about "shared"

Is the entire space shared equally except the patio? (are you sure the patio is hers btw?)

Or is it shared as in their is an official boundary between your garden and her garden, but no structure marking this boundary?

porcamiseria · 08/08/2012 12:54

move the stones back
draft a plan which shows boundaries

let her know that to whilst you are checking on boundaries, you would appreciate it if she stopped planting in any area that mioght be yours

be prepared for no more nice HI and BYE type conversations!

TabbyM · 08/08/2012 16:37

I feel your pain. I live in a block of 6 with 2 small front gardens and 1 large back garden. When I moved in the neighbours were elderly / students and when I asked were only too happy that I took over (even giving me a thank you card). Several years and a lot of tree, herbaceous planting and grass cutting later we had a new one on ground floor, who when first asked said she hadn't realised there was a garden but later started randomly chopping things. After a (barely) polite conversation I agreed to let her do the front bit which she does by cutting grass very badly (I am not a fan of perfect lawns but I do like to edge grass) and chops everything in the bed down in July while ignoring windblown rubbish. It maked me grind my teeth to see stuff I planted massacred but as this area is technically hers I can't complain and have already have had a stand up shouting match where I defended myself (I am a v quiet person usually!). My other neighbours are more normal but everytime I see her it stresses me out and we are not on "hi" terms unless I instigate it.

PenisVanLesbian · 08/08/2012 16:44

You moved in a couple of years ago and you are only asking now about the shared garden?
Odd.

bumperella · 08/08/2012 20:42

I can see why you're upset; I really can and what I'm about to say will sound harsh - it's not meant to - it's just to suggest what her POV might be....
If she does most of the work (and pays for tools, plants, compost etc), then maybe she should get most of the reward? Maybe she does feel that you like to sit outside on a sunny day enjpoying the result of her labours, without actually helping her maintain it all?

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/08/2012 21:02

I used to live in a house that had been converted into two flats. The back garden was divided, the path down the middle being the boundary. This was all documented on the title deeds from when the conversion was carried out.

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 09/08/2012 11:12

The landlord hasn't got back to me yet and to be honest, I fear that if I don't insist, they never will! Yes I have brought the topic in the past and they are always very vague about it. What if they just say they can't find out?

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/08/2012 11:16

If they can't find out then they need to draw up a new agreement.

AMigratingCoconutsPersonalBest · 09/08/2012 11:36

I think, that since both parties have started to use the space more, then you need to insist that a decision is reached for smooth relations. Its not fair on both of you that there is nothing firmly in place!

Clytaemnestra · 09/08/2012 12:21

Give it a day and then follow up, with a nice email that says "Just want to see if you'd had any luck finding those documents yet". Make a bit of a polite pest of yourself until he sorts it out.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/08/2012 12:24

I agree, if they say they can't find out then it is clear that 'rules' have to be put in place. And you should ask for a fair chunk given that the other flat has exclusive use of the patio.

Pseudo341 · 09/08/2012 14:15

What does it say on your contract? Does it actually say the non patio are is shared but that the patio is exclusively hers? If it doesn't actually specify about the patio I think I'd be setting my barbeque up on it.

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 09/08/2012 14:52

Well I went to see the leting agent this morning, as his office is quite close, and he said he remembered perfectly that the garden was private. I left him looking at the documentation to find out how or where he got that information from in the first place.

Nearly at the same time I got an email fron the landlord, saying they had emailed the basement neighbour to find out if she wanted to use the garden and how much (great, so now she probable thinks I'm an uber bitch). They are going to send someone tomorrow to look at the garden and make a decission. They said because they own the whole building, they can do that.

I emailed them again with what the letting agent had said and included him in the conversation too. I asked the landlord to pls speak with him and get back to me later.

And am now waiting in the playground, to see what they say...

OP posts:
Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 09/08/2012 14:57

sorry abour misspellings - typing on the phone

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/08/2012 15:12

Is it not possible hopefully that the patio is hers, and the garden yours, and she has just got used to using garden because previous neighbours kindly let her?

drjohnsonscat · 09/08/2012 15:27

I'd be surprised if there were documents if it's a conversion from a house. The deeds would just show the garden as one I would think unless they went to a special effort to amend them and I doubt they would because they don't seem to have thought this through much.

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 11/08/2012 19:06

Hey mumsnetters, hope you're enjoying the weather. Here's a quick update...

  • The landlord and the letting agent haven't spoken yet. Both apologised and said they had been busy and would speak soon. Not that I'm holding my breath.
  • The landlords property manager came yesterday to do some repairs in the flat and have a look at the garden. He was very sympathetic with my point of view, but it could have been just because my neighbour wasn't there.
  • My neighbout came to see me last night, saying she had received an email from the landlord asking her how she wanted to use the garden. She said she was told the garden was shared and that it would be better if we reached an agreement between ourselves. I said I didn't mind her using about 1/3 of the garden, but that I wanted to have exclusive use of the rest, including the part where she's planted her veggies. She said she'd be really sorry to lose that, and I told her it was more a matter of privacy than it was of space (as it's right in front of my kitchen door and my garden table). We didn't come to an agreament, so I told her she should write to the landlord and they would have the last word.
  • Today I did some gardening and has lunch with my sister in the garden. She wasn't there, but later I saw her and we both looked the other way, none of us said Hi.

I think it's really bad that we're not in good terms anymore Sad Am considering letting her plant the veggies in "my part" to save our neighbour relationship. Or at least half.

Landlord still has to get back on Monday.

Your thoughts would be very appreciated xx

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 11/08/2012 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.