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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my neighbour is invading my part of the garden???

70 replies

AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 07/08/2012 23:53

Hi fellow mumsnetters, I think IANBU, but you be the judge.

I rented my flat a couple of years ago. It has a garden, which the estate agent said was private, but then it turned out it was shared (they lied!). There's just another flat that has access to this garden. She (my neighbour) has got a patio just for her too. At the beginning I didn't mind her using the garden, because she was just planting a few flowers here and there, but in the last months she's become more and more agressive and territorial.

  • She has planted some vegs in the part that I consider "mine". She asked me if I minded after she had started, abd to be polite, I said yes.
  • She has moved the stones that separate her bit of garden from mine, so that she has almost 1/3 more of space now. I didn't realize until a friend told me and I looked at pictures from a year ago.
  • Last Sunday I was having lunch in the garden with my DD and my sister and she came and started doing heavy gardening in front of us... I felt invaded so we ended up inside the house to have some privacy.

AIBU? I need ideas on how to deal with this because I'm thinking too much about it. At the moment we have a polite relationship (say hi and bye).

Sorry for any mispellings, typing on the phone.

OP posts:
whois · 07/08/2012 23:58

Is the garden just 'shared' or is is split down a boundary so some bit is hers and some bit is yours? If it is not legally split then she isn't really being unreasonable by using it is she? Just a bit annoying.

Might be worth agreeing with her to have an informal arrangement to split it somehow?

If she isn't keen to come ot an arrangement over hers/yours you could just let your DD run riot over the bits she fancies as 'hers' Wink

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2012 23:59

At the beginning I didn't mind her using the garden - Well good because it's hers too.

She has planted some vegs in the part that I consider "mine". She asked me if I minded after she had started, abd to be polite, I said yes - So you can't moan about that one I'm afraid.

She has moved the stones that separate her bit of garden from mine, so that she has almost 1/3 more of space now. I didn't realize until a friend told me and I looked at pictures from a year ago - So it wasn't a problem until someone else mentioned it to you?

Last Sunday I was having lunch in the garden with my DD and my sister and she came and started doing heavy gardening in front of us... I felt invaded so we ended up inside the house to have some privacy - Perhaps she felt 'invaded' too because people were eating in the garden when she wanted to work in it?

I do understand how you feel but really....this is what happens when you share a garden.

I don't see what else you can do, other than move to somewhere with a private one?

MadonnaKebab · 08/08/2012 00:05

Are you sure the garden is really shared
(I mean do you have more than just her word for it?)
It just seems odd her also having a patio for sole use, as well as what the estate agent told you
That and the gradual moving of the stones......odd

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 08/08/2012 00:10

Um call me crazy and there's no way to prove this... I "feel" she didn't use/have that much of a garden before or even at the beginning of us being there. Somehow I think she's pushing and pushing to see how much she can get with.

The thing is I don't want to confrontate her directly about it! I don't want to argue or have a difficult situation that makes things even worse. That's why I asked for your opinion, or even tips on how to share a garden in a civilized way.

We have the sane landlord (an agency whi doesn't give a damn as long as we pay the rent). Do you think it would be good to contact them and try to find out how the garden should be shared?

OP posts:
Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 08/08/2012 00:13

madonnakebab yes the landlord said it was shared when I asked them about two years ago... so the estate agent had lied. They just disn't say HOW it was shared.

OP posts:
MadonnaKebab · 08/08/2012 00:13

Yes I do
I'm wondering if it's really shared at all

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2012 00:15

Do you think it would be good to contact them and try to find out how the garden should be shared?

Yes definitely do this

Ask them to show you a plan if necessary.

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 08/08/2012 00:16

speak to the landlord first than to the neighbour?

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 08/08/2012 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isityouorme · 08/08/2012 07:53

Some flats will have a shared garden where the patio only is for one flat and the rest of the garden is for the other. You need to determine who can use hat and take it from there.

samandi · 08/08/2012 08:10

You need to clarify things with the landlord/agency. Probably landlord, and I'd be complaining to him about the agency too. If it's completely shared you need to come to an agreement with the neighbour about gardening, and if you mind her altering it say so. Actually, you should check with the landlord if that's even allowed.

kilmuir · 08/08/2012 08:18

Well she could have waited until you had finished your lunch before she started gardening. You are entitled to use it as much as her.

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 08/08/2012 10:00

Landlord emailed... this is what I wrote to them:

"When I first rented the flat, the agent from the letting agency that showed it to us (name of the agency) said it was private. It was a big disappointment to find out later that it was shared. I would like to know which part of the garden is ours and which one belongs to the basement flat, especially since they have a patio for their sole use! I would actually like to see a plan.

Kind regards etc"

Now waiting for an answer! Thanks for your comments :)

OP posts:
TheCunningStunt · 08/08/2012 10:04

Emailing the landlord is a good idea.

pictish · 08/08/2012 10:09

You have done the right thing. She definitely regards the garden as 'hers' - not perhaps in legal terms, but in the occupation of.

I can see this causing some upset OP, but it needs to be done. Boundaries have been blurred, and she resents you using your own garden to the point she feels entitled to be invasive and territorial.
Nip and bud.

pictish · 08/08/2012 10:11

Btw - if you don't use the garden much, she might just assume you're not bothered.
Digging up your half for veggies without checking with you is a clincher though. It's not really on.

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 08/08/2012 11:01

Landlord reply: "I will have to look into where the responsibilities lie with the garden as I must admit, no-one has asked me this before. Would you hope to have an equal split of the garden?"

Would I hope so? Hmm

Really, what I would like is to see what's in paper, to find out which part is hers and which is mine.

It's a very old converted flat (from 1800), so I assume they'll have trouble finding the original documents...

Well, in an ideal world I would like to have the garden for me and leave her the patio. And fence it, so I don't have to see her!!! LOL

OP posts:
MrsHelsBels74 · 08/08/2012 11:06

I would reply & just say that you feel the person you share the garden with is trying to get a bigger share & you would like it in writing who has use of what.

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 08/08/2012 11:18

I don't want to accuse her, I fear that might ruin the relationship with my neighbour. We're still polite to each other (although I must admit it's mainly me trying to do small talk which always turns out a bit awkward...).

OP posts:
HeathRobinson · 08/08/2012 11:22

I would ask for 2/3rds, at least, as she has sole use of the patio.

Perhaps a rent reduction, as you were misled about the 'private' garden.

Original poster
AllOtherNicknamesWereTaken · 08/08/2012 11:58

Thanks!

OP posts:
Clytaemnestra · 08/08/2012 12:03

I would say originally you thought that it was a private garden and of course, fundementally that is what you would prefer, so can he confirm who has actual rights to it at all to start with. If it turns out that there is no documentation on it, or that you were misinformed and it is shared with the basement, you think an equal division seems reasonable - possibly straight down the middle or some other bounday logical to the shape/access points? Don't accept the (moved) stones as the boundary - you would want to assess the garden and then lay a new boundary.

Toughasoldboots · 08/08/2012 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clytaemnestra · 08/08/2012 12:04

Oh and include the patio in her share of the space - don't just accept 50% of the grass!

Toughasoldboots · 08/08/2012 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.