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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for booking a summer holiday?

91 replies

NarcolepsyQueen · 06/08/2012 13:47

Dsil is due to have DC2 in September. We have booked a 2 week summer holiday, and fly back on her actual due date. We couldn't book a holidat for earlier in the school holidays as I was in hospital with hyperemesis, then we moved house and also I have got my 20 week scan and a GTT to fit in. Dsil and DB aren't talking to me. Am I being unreasonable to book a summer holiday whilst I am still allowed to fly? (Disclaimer - they went away when I had my DS last year - and didn't see him for a week after they returned either!) Judge me please - I can take it!

OP posts:

PenisVanLesbian · 06/08/2012 15:10

you're still all missing the point. OP hasn't done anything wrong. Her parents wanted to go on holiday. SIL shouted at the MIL and put phone down on her. They clearly don't have a close and loving relationship, and you can't make people do what you want. SIL is manipulating her in-laws.

MakeItALarge · 06/08/2012 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 06/08/2012 15:24

I dunno Penis _ think the OP can go on holiday if she likes, but it's insensitive at the very least, to tempt her parents along with her with the offer of a free holiday, precisely when her brother and his wife are due a new baby.

I am not surprised they are upset.

Mrsjay · 06/08/2012 15:24

why do you feel the need to be around go on your holiday see the baby when you come back I dont see the problem tbh,

Original poster

NarcolepsyQueen · 06/08/2012 15:35

OK - I see what you are saying. I thought that as we were going BEFORE their due date it would be a moot point. I certainly wouldn't want to spirit Mum and Dad away from their GC! I am excited about having a new niece or nephew as well! Mum and Dad would be allowed to visit for perhaps an hour or two, but they have made it clear that Dsil's mum will be looking after their DC1 while she is in labour, and that they want private family time for a week or so after. Mum and Dad would drive to see the little one (they live 4 hours away) and stay at my house. It was only an off the cuff suggestion for Mum and Dad to come with us, which is why Mum phoned her to see what she thought. She is definitely annoyed that I am going away on holiday, regardless of my parents though. She said that I was being selfish going, when she might give birth. She said that her brother and sisters wouldn't go away (she has 2 sisters and a brother). I can try talking to my brother, but most communication goes through her.

OP posts:

pictish · 06/08/2012 15:41

Come on OP - you know fine that few babies ever arrive on their due date - it has every chance of arriving up to two weeks before the due date - or two weeks after. So it's not a moot point is it?

However, your sil does sound incredibly self absorbed if what you say is true. As much as I can appreciate her wanting the gps around, I think she is OTT in expecting you to put your holiday plans on hold. Has she got previous form for this sort of behaviour?

SDTGisAnOlympicWolefGenius · 06/08/2012 15:45

My dsis went to Malaysia to study the gamelan (a musical instrument) for four months, leaving a couple of months before my due date with ds1, and I didn't bat an eyelid. I wouldn't have dreamt of trying to guilt her into staying for the arrival of her first nephew. The same would have applied if she'd been going on holiday - I didn't expect my pregnancy to be the centre of other people's lives.

Pascha · 06/08/2012 15:48

I still think you should just go. Life doesn't stop. Your parents have the offer, they can decide what to do with it. Maybe they could come along for the first week instead.

Original poster

NarcolepsyQueen · 06/08/2012 15:58

The only chance we will get for a sunny holiday this year is those 2 weeks. I couldn't go earlier as I had hyperemesis, and I can't go later as I will be too pregnant. Surely Pictish I don't have to set aside a MONTH to not travel in case she gives birth? I am surprised that she is annoyed with me as they went away when I had DS1 last year.

OP posts:

pictish · 06/08/2012 15:59

No...you don't....but if you think inviting your parents along was a moot point, you're wrong.

pictish · 06/08/2012 16:00

Aye see - I think she's well cheeky to carry on like this when they went away when you had your baby last year!

If she is upset about YOU going on holiday, yanbu.

samandi · 06/08/2012 16:03

YANBU. I can't understand these people that need to have everyone around on their due date What on earth does it matter?

Original poster

NarcolepsyQueen · 06/08/2012 16:04

But they are annoyed with ME for going away, regardless of my parents! My parents stayed with them last week, and they were saying how selfish I am being for going away. I can concede that she is unhappy that I suggested coming to my parents (although we did say to ASK Dsil what she thought). But she isn't talking to me because we are going.

OP posts:

Lambzig · 06/08/2012 16:04

Missymoomoomee, no you are not alone. I cant think of anything worse than having masses of family around. For DD we asked family to give us a couple of weeks and then they were welcome to visit and it was ideal for us.

I am now 26 weeks pg and we have had to ask my parents to come and stay to help look after DD as I am having an ELC and will probably be in hospital for a few days and DH will want to spend time with me and the new one. While I really appreciate the help, I am dreading them being there when I get home from hospital and can hardly ask them to leave straight away after the free babysitting!

OP I don't think YABU at all. Maybe I can just about see that DSIL might be upset about the grandparents, though its a bit much if they are only allowed one two hour visit in the first week or so. Completely unreasonable to be upset about you though. You have prioritised your family's need for a break and some family time at the only opportunity you can get and I feel that that is the right choice.

pictish · 06/08/2012 16:05

Have you spoken to her and mentioned how they went away last year when YOU were due?
What did she say to that?
What can she say??

pictish · 06/08/2012 16:06

Also - if visits are to be restricted in the first week, there's no point in you even being there!!

It's bizarre!

Original poster

NarcolepsyQueen · 06/08/2012 16:15

I think so too! I have sent her a few messages, but haven't had a reply yet. I was induced 4 days early with DS last year - I had him on the Tuesday, they went away on the Friday and came back the following Thursday and saw DS 3 days after that! I wasn't at all annoyed that they went away! (Though was a bit surprised that they didn't come to see him before they went). I think she has low self esteem and looks for slights where none exist to be honest. I think the concensus is IANBU, but gawd knows how I am going to rectify the situation! Ideas?!

OP posts:

pictish · 06/08/2012 16:20

My advice would be to refuse to play into her drama.
Given that they buggered off when it was your turn, they haven't a leg to stand on. Sil may huff all she likes, but you must not join in.

Carry on with your holiday plans and be a genial as can be upon your return. If she still chooses to play no-speakies then, then I would duck out and leave them to it.
When someone is determined to be that disagreeable and unreasonable you can't win, so don't even try.

Low self esteem is not a licence to control other people, and it doesn't excuse her behaviour now.

Pascha · 06/08/2012 16:30

I agree 100% with Pictish. I wouldn't be having with it at all.

Original poster

NarcolepsyQueen · 06/08/2012 16:53

My poor Mum and Dad - I feel bad for causing a drama for them, however inadvertantly! She is def ignoring my messages and calls. Should I carry on texting her etc as normal? If I stop, won't I be ignoring her too iykwim?

OP posts:

Pascha · 06/08/2012 17:02

Yeah I would. Just carry on as normal and ignore the strop.

pictish · 06/08/2012 17:17

Totally carry on as normal - then no-one can accuse you of joining in, exacerbating things or playing tit for tat.
Don't be dragged into it. Just make nice and carry on as normal.

CaliforniaLeaving · 06/08/2012 18:34

Ignore the whinger. She's in a hormone induced temper tantrum, she'll get over it. When you bro says anything, remind him they were on holiday when your baby was born and that this is the only time you could go before your next baby comes.

Original poster

NarcolepsyQueen · 07/08/2012 12:41

I have sent them both numerous messages, but got no reply! This is upsetting poor Mum and Dad, and irritating the life out of me as it feels so unjust! Bleddy families! Not sure what else to do, if they won't talk to me. I am going on holiday thought - and it will be fab and hot!

OP posts:

pictish · 07/08/2012 12:49

Oh God - they will have encouraged each other to build this pereived slight up to mammoth proportions.
Stop trying to get through to them now. You have done more than enough. They now officially own the problem.

You just carry on with your plans and try to out it out of your mind. Don't get wound up, it won't fix anything. They are determined, and if you react you will be adding to the drama.

Let everyone see that you are reasonable. Let them create. They will anyway. Twits.

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