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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for booking a summer holiday?

91 replies

NarcolepsyQueen · 06/08/2012 13:47

Dsil is due to have DC2 in September. We have booked a 2 week summer holiday, and fly back on her actual due date. We couldn't book a holidat for earlier in the school holidays as I was in hospital with hyperemesis, then we moved house and also I have got my 20 week scan and a GTT to fit in. Dsil and DB aren't talking to me. Am I being unreasonable to book a summer holiday whilst I am still allowed to fly? (Disclaimer - they went away when I had my DS last year - and didn't see him for a week after they returned either!) Judge me please - I can take it!

OP posts:

PenisVanLesbian · 06/08/2012 14:23

Why do they need all the family to be around? Its not even a pfb, they need to grow up to fuck and get on with their own family life.

BurningBridges · 06/08/2012 14:24

Yep, what Pictish said - that changes everything, I think YABVU.

pictish · 06/08/2012 14:26

Harsh Penis.

I certainly wanted my mum around when I had my baby.

My mum had sadly died by the time our other two came along, and I really really missed her support, involvement and excitement surrounding it all.

If my mum had fucked off on holiday with my brother when my baby was due I'd have been pissed off.

I wasn't pfb either, and am a lax and easy going person....but there are times when no-one other than your own parents will do - and having a baby is one of those times.

kinkyfuckery · 06/08/2012 14:28

I can understand why they are a bit peeved that you were trying to convince your parents to go away too. That makes much more sense than them being upset about you not being there.

I was due my first nephew in June this year, and without thinking booked a weekend away with some girlfriends the weekend after his due date. Of course, he took his time and as the weekend approached SIL was still in labour. He was actually born about an hour before I had to leave for a flight, and I had to wait three days to meet my scrumptious new nephew. If my B and SIL were upset about this, they didn't show it. In fact, I was the one more upset and spent half the morning whilst waiting for him to be born, and almost the entire journey home in tears

Arabellasmella · 06/08/2012 14:32

Oh yes, that's not nice trying to get the grandparents to go with you. They'll need/want grandparents around. It's a big deal. I think you have been insensitive to them actually.

pictish · 06/08/2012 14:33

In fact - I am surprised the OP's parents considered going.

That's what the issue is OP - you have inadevertantly made it quite clear that the arrival of their new baby is of no consequence to your family, when pitted against a cosy holiday all together.

Baby trumps holiday in the grandparent stakes imho.

Birdsgottafly · 06/08/2012 14:33

they need to grow up to fuck and get on with their own family life.

Being a grown up doesn't mean that you don't want your mum and dad around at the most important times in your life, if you have a family that works well, that is. GP's are 'your own' family.

OP is this typical of your behaviour, or did you just not think?

Birdsgottafly · 06/08/2012 14:35

I am going to be a stepnan (but the only hands on nan) in March, i am going part time, so that i can be around more.

PenisVanLesbian · 06/08/2012 14:36

if you think your need to have them hanging around for a month in case you give birth to the worlds most important baby than their need for a holiday, you do need to grow up. Just because you are having a a baby doesn't mean everyone elses lives need to stop.
They are even due to come back before the due date, the likelihood is before the baby will be born.

PenisVanLesbian · 06/08/2012 14:38

pictish you might have wanted your mother around, did you want your mil too...and your sil, neices, nephews, bil and your second cousin twice removed?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 06/08/2012 14:39

She must be one of the minority of soon to be mothers that actually wants their MIL around for the birth!

Alameda · 06/08/2012 14:40

what a horrible attitude penis, aren't you excited about new children arriving in your family?

I felt so privileged to be on call for, and present at, the birth of my grandson

BurningBridges · 06/08/2012 14:42

If one of my DCs was due to give birth and I was lucky enough for them to want me around, my life would definitely stop. Not everyone's - just mine, as I was due to have a new grandchild. So I'd want to be on hand in case I was needed. End of.

I wouldn't think it was the end of the world if siblings went on holiday just before, esp. if they or their partners had been ill. But grandparents, definitely would be lovely to have them around.

pictish · 06/08/2012 14:42

Yeah I wanted my mil too. Of course I did!

Not so bothered about siblings and all that, but yeah - both my mum and my mil would not have missed it for the world!

My mil was right on hand when the other two were born too, even if my own mother could not be there.

I'm not going to defend the fact that dh's and my mums are very valued and wanted by us. It's nothing to do with growing up, and everything to do with them being much beloved and involved with our lives, particularly when it comes to our children.

So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/08/2012 14:46

I can understand them being upset at you trying to spirit the GPs away as well.

DH would have been really upset if his sister had tried to take his parents away when DS1 was due, and I would have been furious on his behalf.

I think you've been rather unkind and self-centred, actually.

pictish · 06/08/2012 14:51

On reflection, so do I.
Sorry OP.

kinkyfuckery · 06/08/2012 14:51

To those who are wondering why SIL would want her MIL around, it's also the OPs brother's parents!! Maybe he wants his parents around for the birth of his child?

PenisVanLesbian · 06/08/2012 14:51

I'm excited after they are born. I don't see the need for the entire family to give up all of their plans BEFORE THE BABY IS EVEN DUE. Have you all somehow missed that the holiday is planned for before the due date?

I stand by my point. Expecting your entire family to put their lives on hold for weeks before your baby is even due is incredibly selfish. And sulking and refusing to speak to people over it is childish too.
These are the kind of people who expect people not to have babies when they are planning weddings, or not to get pregnant at the same time because it steals their thunder. It's Mum-zilla.

I think you're missing the point anyway. Families wanting to make sure they are around, who have that kind of relationship, thats all fine. Its the demanding people do what you want them to that is the problem. Indeed it suggests that the mum-zilla doesn't have that type of relationship with her in-laws, because if she did it wouldn't have come up in the first place. And the resulting hissy fits when people aren't falling into line is the other problem.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/08/2012 14:52

It being MIL makes no difference. DH and I were just as excited for his parents to meet our babies as we were for my parents to meet them.

I bloody hate this idea on MN that a DH must have only the loosest ties to his birth family once he is married.

Birdsgottafly · 06/08/2012 14:56

to the worlds most important baby

pen you may have crossed that out, but to a nan, that baby is the world's most important baby. Me and my middle DD is looking forward to this birth more than anyone has ever looked forward to the second coming of christ.

pictish you might have wanted your mother around

Perhaps, so does the father of this baby, fathers feelings do count as well.

pictish · 06/08/2012 14:59

My husband wanted his mum when we had our babies. What's wrong with that?

jumpingjackhash · 06/08/2012 15:00

I can see how she'd want her MIL to be around (and you were being a bit short-sighted to invite your parents on the holiday), but I think your DB and DSIL are being OTT expecting you to hang around too Narcolepsy.

Birdsgottafly · 06/08/2012 15:01

The OP needs to come back and clarify whether it was a case of, she just didn't think and if her brother will speak to her about it

Birdsgottafly · 06/08/2012 15:04

The SIL may not want the OP around, but the OP has now put her MIL in the position of having to choose and let one child down.

It is a horrible position to be in, i have step DC's and DC's and i have to do that on occassion, no-one is really a winner in these situations.

missymoomoomee · 06/08/2012 15:08

Am I the only one who would have been very grateful for my entire family to bugger off when my child was born instead of coming in taking over and generally being 'helpful' and trying to push me out since my time as the incubator was over. If I had thought it was an option I would have paid for the holiday myself.

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