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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most of us would struggle

194 replies

Olympia2012 · 06/08/2012 13:19

to facilitate our children in their chosen sport to reach Olympic standard

I look at these athletes and just feel the dedication to that one child and their training completely takes over the family. Mrs Daly,Murray,Tweddle etc, I take my hat off to them.

Dd used to play for a footie team. Just locally, but the dedication to just that was massive. Training,kit, getting to venues across the county etc etc. Dragging all the dc out at weekends. The expense! Petrol, food and fees.

I wonder how the average family would cope. Could you?

OP posts:
EenyMeenyMinyMo · 07/08/2012 17:52

Both my teenage Dds are seriously into eventing (horse riding)

We are fortunate enough to be able to keep their horses at home but the amount of work! They were competing in the new forest last weekend and Derbyshire next ( we live in south Kent!) but they love it and choose to give up their social lives to ride 2-3 times a day.

It is an awfully big commitment but I think it is worth is and they are both hoping to be selected for atonal teams this year so it's worth it in the end!!

AKMD · 07/08/2012 18:00

YANBU. My brother was seriously into badminton as a teenager and my parents drove hundreds of miles every week and gave up their weekends and most evenings to take him to training sessions and tournaments.

He was sponsored so the expense in terms of kit, coaching and court fees wasn't too bad but petrol/hotel stays all add up and the cost in terms of time was phenomenal. Then dealing with a tired, grumpy, smelly teenage boy :o

I honestly don't know if I could do that.

tiddlypool · 07/08/2012 19:10

I think it's often about what the parent wants rather than what the child wants to do.

IndigoBell · 07/08/2012 19:46

DD competes nationally, and I could never ask her to stop.

It has done her a world of good.

I will support her as far as she chooses to take it.

But luckily it doesn't require the kind of time commitment that swimming and gymnastics does :)

greenplastictrees · 07/08/2012 19:48

Half way through reading this but just remember something which I thought was a really good idea when I was a teenager as a way of getting teenagers interested in sport. The local schools didn't play basketball but it was in the county youth games that summer. So the local leisure centre (i presume funded by the council) had these American basketball coaches run sessions and a team for our district was picked it the end. I went along and loved it! I shyed away from school sports because the 'cool' (actually they tended to be nasty) kids would dominate and laugh at others. I wasn't overly confident so this put me off. Going somewhere new was great for me -I went with my nice friends, met new friends, tried a sport that had always interested me but I'd never had the chance to do and gave me the confidence to try my best at it when we did get the chance to play it the next year at school.

I think these sessions cost a couple of pounds a week to go to so affordable. I didn't become a professional basketball player or play professionally but it was great for my confidence and allowed me to try a sport properly, taught by some decent coaches for an affordable price. More schemes like this would be great in my opinion for all sorts of sports. I'd like to see children having the opportunity to try all sorts of sports for affordable prices including the obscure ones - fencing, handball, etc...

wordfactory · 07/08/2012 19:49

tiddly IME that is not the case.

But parents whose children succeed at anyhting are always lambasted as pushy.

Some children are driven and committed. Just because your own may not be, don't assume the worst.

twoshineyshoesahhaeyetoeye · 07/08/2012 19:57

Wordfactory I agree with you totally.

IndigoBell · 07/08/2012 20:00

There is no way you can push a child to compete at a very high level. No way.

TantrumsAndOlympicGoldBalloons · 07/08/2012 20:12

tiddly I did not choose to spend an extraordinary amount of time, money and effort on youth football. My DCs did.

I'm not even a football supporter tbh, so it most definitley is not about what i want.

My DCs love the sport, they play for different clubs at different levels so it's not like I've pushed one to follow what the other did IYSWIM.

they have tried other sports etc but football has been a constant since ds1 was 6.
It's cold, wet, miserable, far away and expensive a lot of the time.

It's not what I want them to do at all.

Original poster
Olympia2012 · 07/08/2012 20:48

I also wonder ( will do mores next week) about how the para olympians get into it. I suppose provision is even less in this area.

Anyone with disabled dc who are getting on with sports at high level.

Love that basketball idea someone's council had upthread!

OP posts:
TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 07/08/2012 20:57

IIRC the paralympic games were started in Mandeville off/near a forces base as something for disabled soldiers to focus on. It's good for rehab physically and mentally to focus on what you can do iyswim.

I think paralympic sport has also become more accessible through accesible schools (if you're the only school in the county with ramps, you are likely to have a large enough % of kids in wheelchairs to play wheelchair basketball) and SEN/SN schools.

There is someone on MN whose DS plays wheelchair basketball, I imagine she knows a lot more than me!

JugglingWithFiveRings · 07/08/2012 21:05

Interesting isn't it ?

Personally I doubt if I'd go down that path with either of my DC's. But I suppose if they showed massive potential and then talent in a sport it might creep up on you.

I think it would be a huge sacrifice though, not least for them. I feel you only live once and I want them to enjoy their childhood and have some balance in experiencing everything life has to offer.

DS especially is pretty sporty, but so far more of an all-rounder ( thank goodness ! )

basildonbond · 07/08/2012 21:19

for most sports, parents have to facilitate but the desire has to come from the child

ds is a swimmer and started at a club when he was 7 - it just crept up on us - for a few months it was once a week, then twice, by the end of the year it was 3 times, by the time he was 9 it was five 2 hour sessions a week and now he's 15 it's 6-7 sessions plus land training plus galas ... If anyone had told us when he started that that's what we'd signed up for I think we'd have run a mile ... He has always wanted to do it - I've seen parents cajoling and even bribing their child to train or compete and I think that's barmy!

However, he's getting to the point when he needs to decide what's going to be more important - if he wants to get to the next level he'll have to up his training again, but it's GCSEs next year and in the long run the chances are they're going to be more important for him

One thing I have noticed is how many of the very successful children in his sport are youngest siblings as their parents don't have the dilemma we have of what to do with their other children. dd loves swimming but is very clear that she doesn't want to do what ds has done - she trains twice a week and does galas for school but just wants to do it for fun - ds at the same age was living and breathing swimming

tiddlypool · 07/08/2012 21:44

Tantrums - you keep going on about the "considerable" amount of money you spend which indicates that facilitating your DCs' football is a way of showing what a good parent you are for doing this and also how much money you have.

I see this all the time in my DD's sport - ice skating - which is extremely expensive. The parents of the skaters go on and on about how much they spend per month on lessons, comps, costumes and it's like a form of stealth boasting. I initially funded DD's skating until she became so good that the rink took over her funding but the parents of less able skaters keep chucking good money after bad.

forehead · 07/08/2012 21:54

My dd is a talented swimmer and until recently was a member of a swim club. She was expected to train at 6:15 in the morning,three times a week. I just could'nt be asked tbh. However, dh inspired by London 2012, has decided that my dd has the makings of an Olympic swimmer and has insisted that dd resume her sessions. I doubt if dh will last tbh

TantrumsAndOlympicGoldBalloons · 07/08/2012 21:54

I don't for one minute suggest that supporting my DCs in their chosen sport. And tbh we are skint. We both work full time, we have enough money to live on, and make sacrifices in order to pay the fees.

It's expensive. Sometimes I wonder how on earth we are going to do it, especially in September when we have to pay 3 sets of season fees. We don't have a lot of money, we don't really spend money on luxuries, because we don't have it. We struggle.

So your pretty snidey post made quite a lot of assumptions about my family, sorry but none of them true.

I sacrifice money and time in order to facilitate my DCs sport. I choose to do this.

Yep, that makes me mother of the century. Give me a fucking gold star.

Original poster
Olympia2012 · 07/08/2012 21:57

tiddly when you say the rink has taken on your child's funding, what does that mean? What do they actually fund?

Must be a relief for you. Take the pressure off a bit

OP posts:
TantrumsAndOlympicGoldBalloons · 07/08/2012 22:02

tiddly did you ever consider that the parents throwing good money after bad are doing it because their DCs enjoy the sport, not because they are hoping for a professional career at the end of it.

morethanpotatoprints · 07/08/2012 22:03

I don't have experience of supporting sport but we are doing the same for dd in music. It is alot easier if both parents are at home (working or sahp) and any other dcs are alot older like ours are.
It is quite expensive and takes up a huge part of the day. It is also beneficial if schooling can fit in with lessons, comps, performances, through home ed from either tutors or parent(s).

twoshineyshoesahhaeyetoeye · 07/08/2012 22:14

Oh dear tiddly not a nice thing to say at all "throwing good money after bad" is it really all about the winning in your house and not about the taking part? What about for the childs enjoyment, or are you the parent your post was referring to?.....I wonder!

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 07/08/2012 22:29

Not at all Tiddly, both of my kids swam. DD loved it and still swims now at the age of 22. DS tried it and liked it for the social side but was never really into like his sister is. The day he said to me "I want to stop" was the day he stopped. DD always made me agree that if she wanted to give up I'd push her into continuing for a bit as she's seen others come, go and then regret it but she has never, ever wanted to stop. Now at the grand old age of 22 she is getting back into triathlon and looking pretty good.

I never considered it to be 'chucking good money after bad' supporting DS in his swimming. He was never the same standard as his sister but while he did it, he enjoyed it. Is it wrong to enjoy a sport but not excel at it?

JugglingWithFiveRings · 07/08/2012 22:55

Hell we all throw good money after our children don't we ?!

At least with sport it's something pretty positive that will help them keep fit and likely build their self-esteem too.

The trouble with sport is when it gets so competitive, and people loose all perspective. Sport for all should be the message to take away from London 2012 Smile

Mirage2012Olympics · 07/08/2012 23:00

'Chucking good money after bad?' Shock

mooseloose · 07/08/2012 23:18

My ds runs and it's not actually that expensive to be in the club. His membership overs every session he wants to go to, and it's way cheaper than football. They sort all the competitions for the club, and there are plenty of open comps that anyway one do do, whether in a club or not. These are usually £6 for three events, so usually two runs and a field. There are loads of competitions that the clubs take part in. If the child is good at something I do think we just can't moan that schools don't do sport, or enough, we do need to be more proactive and find the relevant club. My ds is eying Olympics 2020.....

CouthyMow · 07/08/2012 23:43

As a child, I competed at a National and European level in Judo.

I look back now, and I can easily see that if I had not been an only child, it just would not have been possible or fair for me to go that.

I have 4 DC's. I'm very glad that the oldest 3 are un-sporty. However, I fear my competitive DC is DS3. He is only 18mo, but was transfixed by the male gymnasts, pointing and quietly saying "me do, me do".

I think it might be a good thing that there is a 7 year gap between DS2 and DS3...