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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dh to come to bed at a reasonable time?

72 replies

susiegrapevine · 05/08/2012 10:58

Am 37 + 6 weeks pregnant so baby could come any day. Am soooo hacked off this morn as dh came to bed at 3am last night!! Night before it was half 2 and night before it was half 1. Considering I could go into labour at any point I would like him to be well rested and useful to me when it does happen! I am fed up with treating him like a child and saying come on its bed time now (which he only listens to if I really really push the point. And when he got up this morn his was like oh a fell asleep at my computer last night!! Arrrggg I'm so annoyed I can barely speak to him. AIBU??

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 05/08/2012 11:00

turn the broadband off when you go to bed, he'll soon join you.

NoComet · 05/08/2012 11:01

Leave him alone!

He is dealing with his nerves his way. I suspect he fears he will just lie awake, so he's keeping his mind busy.

When the baby comes he will be high on adrenaline. He will cope.

cocolepew · 05/08/2012 11:04

You don't need to treat him like a child Confused a grown man doesn't need to be told to go to bed. I seriously doubt he'll fall asleep midlabour

FelicitywasSarca · 05/08/2012 11:05

Nope you're not his mum you can't give him a bedtime (or turn the broadband off).

You are just as likely to go into labour at midnight- and he will be more help than most, what with being used to being up at that time.

FutTheShuckUp · 05/08/2012 11:06

Seriously?
You dont get to dictate to a grown adult when its their 'bedtime'

AThingInYourLife · 05/08/2012 11:08

What on earth is wrong with you?

He's a grown man, why should he go to bed when you tell him to?

And leave off the shit about being 37 weeks pregnant so needing to control his every movement in case you go into labour. It's ridiculous.

You don't "need him to be well rested", you're just very pregnant, very bossy and throwing your (considerable) weight around.

Just because you want the world to dance to your tune right now doesn't mean it will.

Wigglewoo · 05/08/2012 11:09

I'd leave him to it. Plus if he's a night owl and likes staying up late you'll be grateful if you're formula feeding as he can do the late feed while you get some kip when the baby is here! (Says me in that exact situation now with ds 7 weeks).

AThingInYourLife · 05/08/2012 11:10

"I seriously doubt he'll fall asleep midlabour"

DH did :o

Some friends and I were having this conversation recently and it was a surprisingly common occurrence.

usualsuspect · 05/08/2012 11:12

YABU, you are not his mother.

Olympia2012 · 05/08/2012 11:12

You are pregnant, life goes on!!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 05/08/2012 11:13

I see your point tbh! Whereas yeah you can't dictate bedtimes it's infuriating when dps can't think to themselves that sometimes we are gonna need them and a grumpy tired dp who's more interested in computer games than supporting his pregnant wife is bloody infuriating!!!! An idiot grumpy tired birth partner us of no use to anyone!!!!

Tee2072 · 05/08/2012 11:14

FFS If you treat him like a child, he'll act like a child. I presume he knows when he's tired?

Also, if you're labour lasts long enough, I imagine he won't be well rested by the end no matter how much sleep he has had!

exexe · 05/08/2012 11:15

I had the same issue with dh and when I went into labour, he kept falling asleep! I was not impressed but like everyone says, you can't tell a grown man when to sleep.
He still does this now and it annoys me because if I try to arrange something for the weekend that requires getting up early, he can't do it. I really feel that sometimes our family life suffers becaus of him going to bed at 1 or 2am.
He works long hrs and is often home at 9 and says he needs that wind down time.
(he's usually nice and helpful when he is up before people think he's a wastrel!)

So sympathies op, but no help!

OlympicTeaDrinker · 05/08/2012 11:19

Ds's father was working 200 miles away when I was 37 weeks pregnant.

He didn't come back till I was 39 weeks.

The world doesn't stop just because you're having a baby.

When the time comes the adrenanlin will kick in.

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon · 05/08/2012 11:20

Erm, but he was asleep? Just not in bed.

squeakytoy · 05/08/2012 11:20

Leave him be. He is an adult. If he likes staying up late, think of the sleep you can have when he is with the baby and you are in bed!

Proudnscary · 05/08/2012 11:20

Wow, huge case of PFB going on here. Leave him alone. Even your OP sounds like you are talking about your son not your husband.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 05/08/2012 11:24

May I just point out that tiredness kills are you all seriously suggesting it's ok for someone to stay up late playing computer games every night then drive his labouring wife to the hospital?!! Would you get in a car of someone who's been up all night?

piprabbit · 05/08/2012 11:27

I struggle with going to bed. 2am, 3am even 4am is not unusual.
I know it is a problem, it started as a disordered sleep routine caused by my DC2 not sleeping through (or even nearly sleeping through) until he was over 2yo.
He now sleeps through but my own sleep habits are wrecked.
I say I've fallen asleep at the computer, I usually haven't but I know my family would worry even more if they thought I was getting even less sleep than I tell them.
Let your DP be, just ask him to come to bed quietly so that you don't wake. Nagging him won't change anything and will just make you both unhappy.

Tee2072 · 05/08/2012 11:27

Well, you're assuming, as is the OP, that she'll go into labour in the morning.

He could go to bed at 9, she could need driving to hospital at midnight. Not much rest there either, right?

squeakytoy · 05/08/2012 11:28

I go to bed about 1.30 most nights, and am up at 7am more than capable of driving.

Unless the labour unit is a long drive on a monotonous motorway, the husband is unlikely to fall asleep at the wheel, while his wife is yelling at him! Grin

WelshMaenad · 05/08/2012 11:31

My husband does this when he's anxious about something.

Maybe talking rationally instead of wagging your finger at him like a schoolmarm would be more productive?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 05/08/2012 11:33

What difference does the time make? If it's six/seven eight in the morning then he's still only had three hours that's nothing! And I'll put money on the fact he probably passes out on the sofa in the afternoon again rendering him completely useless!!! His thinking at this point should be supporting his pregnant wife not playing stupid computer games. Dress it up all you want but fact is this is the time we need out partners and if we feel we can't rely on them now then how us the Op meant to trust he can be responsible in his decision making when baby arrives.

Kellamity · 05/08/2012 11:35

Yes you are being unreasonable. Go to bed when you're tired and leave him to sort himself out.

Tee2072 · 05/08/2012 11:38

Three hours of sleep may be nothing to you, Wheresmycaffeinedrip, but perhaps for the OP's husband it's sufficient.

I often survive on about that due to many factors, including health.

And believe me, if something like my partner going into labour happened? Adrenalin would see me through.