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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate sharing a bed with DH

80 replies

Tangointhenight · 05/08/2012 08:46

Whose idea was it for couples to share a bed???

I'm so fed up being too warm, shoved over to one corner, having DH open mouth breathing in my face, his side of the bed being a bit whiffy, being groped at 2 am because he's having a sexy dream.
Gawd I'm just bloody sick of it I had a double bed to myself before we moved in together and I miss it! I can't sleep all cuddled up I just can't!

I'd even go for a single, anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Tangointhenight · 05/08/2012 11:20

All those with your own rooms and beds, how did you come to that agreement without hurting your partners feelings? Or him hurting yours? Genuinely interested!

Dhs nickname for me is ice queen because I'm very much a keep to your own space type of person, I'm not big into big hugs or public shows of affection, I like my space and this especially applies in bed. I know it annoys him a but as he is very touchy feely needy but he knew all this before we got married.

OP posts:

OhDaSHIT · 05/08/2012 11:29

I think that when you're desperate for sleep, that is how the decision is made not to share. If you haven't slept properly for ages, then that's all that matters to you. Also, when the OH promises to get the snoring fixed and nothing happens for ages then you realise that the suffering has to end.

solidgoldbrass · 05/08/2012 11:31

I think if your partner is a decent bloke, he will be prepared to have separate beds/rooms without whining, as being unable to sleep is so utterly hellish. If he makes a big fuss about it and refuses, then he is putting his feelings ahead of yours and demonstrating that he considers you property.

puds11 · 05/08/2012 11:33

I honestly think relationships would work much better if partners had separate rooms. Just imagine a whole room full of just your stuff, exactly where you want it. Whatever douvet cover you like, any wallpaper you want .

I think it needs to be seen as normal for couples not to share bedrooms. You get a better night sleep in separate rooms.

diddl · 05/08/2012 11:35

We have a kingsize(?) frame with two single mattresses in & have our own duvet.

Wouldn´t help for snoring, but it´s just about as good as having your own bed.

MightBeSlightlyMad · 05/08/2012 11:39

Get a bigger bed, we have a super king size as both like our own space to sleep, when we go on holiday or to stay with family we are in a double bed and we never sleep as well. Big beds are bliss

diddl · 05/08/2012 11:43

We get a twin room when possible for holiday now!

QuickLookUsainBolt · 05/08/2012 11:48

Yes, get a super king size, They are 6 ft wide, a double is only 4ft 6. That's a whole foot and a half difference and it is heaven.

Also, I cannot recommend ear plugs enough. I'm a very light sleeper and was at the end of my tether with DH's breathing nevermind his snoring. I used to wake up numerous times a night. I now sleep all night long and it is bliss!!

Born2bemild · 05/08/2012 11:51

We just drifted into separate rooms really. Neither of us sleep too well and I like to stick the light on and read.

MousyMouse · 05/08/2012 11:55

those of you with heavy snorers, please encourage them to lose weight. it really helps in most cases. and if it doesn't, encourage them to go to the gp as sleep apnoea is quite dangerous.

my father now wears a mask at night and now he is more awake during the day and doesn't fall asleep at the wheel or at work anymore. (my parent have separate bedrooms since their dc moved out).

BMW6 · 05/08/2012 11:55

My DH works 6 nights pw and on his one night off doesn't come to bed till 3am ish - at which point the dog gets in between us under the duvet to ensure my DH has minimum physical contact with me
As DH is a duvet hogger and major snorer (and would sleep right up against me if dog wasn't in the way) this arrangement suits me fine!
When he retires or changes shifts to daytime I'm getting single beds!

BlisdergamesbeginPack · 05/08/2012 12:02

YANBU. It was a bloody stupid idea to begin with, I'm sure other women down the ages would have hated it too.

FushiaFernica · 05/08/2012 12:03

We have two single beds which we push together or apart depending on how we are likely to sleep that night. I have a softer mattress than dp as well.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/08/2012 12:31

Definitely not unreasonable, OP. I work away from home a lot and, in June, spent only four days at sleeping at home. It's absolute bliss to sleep alone, diagonally, flinging the covers on and off as you please... ahhh

FoxyRoxy · 05/08/2012 12:59

Yanbu! I'm 35 weeks pregnant and although we have a spare room our bedroom has the en suite and I'd rather not have to go far for all my loo trips so I've stayed in our bed. His side smells a bit and I hate being breathed on but I'm limited on sleeping positions now! I'm thinking when the baby comes he can go off to the spare room to get his sleep and I can share with a teeny nice smelling person instead

Bunbaker · 05/08/2012 13:14

I would be concerned at the amount of sweating your partner is prone to. Has he been to the GP to rule anything out?

My parents had to single beds pushed together. Each with its own duvet. My dad was in one and my mum and the cat had the other one.

LexieSinclair · 05/08/2012 14:05

Our superkingsize bed was the best thing we ever bought. I used to sleep really badly in a standard double with DH but now we both have loads of space to spread out and don't have to touch each other! The only downside is that it is so big it takes over the bedroom slightly, but it's a small price to pay.

LexieSinclair · 05/08/2012 14:07

Also you can get superkingsize beds with separate single mattresses - so you are sharing a bed but not rolling into each other across the mattress.

inchoccyheaven · 05/08/2012 14:14

We have had our own rooms for years because of my snoring and I love it. It wasn't a concience decision, just ended up happening as I got fed up being woken up to stop snoring and he got fed up with me waking him up from snoring. He tried ear plugs and I tried everything on the market but nothing worked so this suits us. I tend to visit him if I want sex

Only trouble is the kids share a room and when they are older I am sure they would prefer their own rooms so I might have to relegate to the sofa instead :(

Mumsyblouse · 05/08/2012 14:22

We are now in superking size, with separate duvets. Nice to be able to cuddle in morning, but almost like sleeping in separate beds.

We did sleep in separate beds though for years, before the snoring/sleep apnoea was fixed, there wasn't a choice if I wanted to get a wink of sleep.

By the way- for sweating, don't use any duvet/sheet with man-made fibres. It doesn't solve it completely, but these cotton/polyester mixes which 95% of bedding has, really make it worse. Just use pure cotton (it doesn't look as nice if you are lazy and hate ironing, but when I go in polycotton now, it feels all sweaty).

OddBoots · 05/08/2012 14:34

We have had separate duvets all our 14y marriage, dh gets hot so has a single, I get cold so have a double. Our room isn't big enough for anything more than a standard double but ds has a bigger room, he has that room as it is at the back so quieter but one day we will swap. The plan when we swap is to get a super king size adjustable bed so we can each have room and have the bed at the angle we like - when that day comes it will be bliss.

I was thrilled when we holidayed in Germany and found separate duvets were standard, I find it so hard when we go away in the UK having to share.

Mia4 · 05/08/2012 15:45

I think you need a king sized bed- either way you can have a foot between you and kick him over to his side.

YANBU though, sometimes they annoy us in bed sometimes we them - there's no hard and fast rule to share it's just up to you guys.

Thankfully, me and the man like our separate sides, especially when it's hot-can't be dealing with that!

eurochick · 05/08/2012 15:55

YANBU. Aside from the groping point, I could have written your OP. The open mouth breathing is vile. No one has sweet breath at 3am. I have pain in one shoulder from sleeping on the other side away from the noxious breath most of the time. I keep persuading him that we should have separate rooms. he is reluctant despite the fact that I go to bed before him, get up before him and we never have sex at night, so it would have zero impact on our sex life. He goes off to the spare room if one of us is ill or I have period pains or something but is reluctant to make it a permanent arrangement. I am determined to win this one, one day. I now look forward to travelling for work so I get a good night's sleep (despite the fact that it is usually pretty stressful when I travel for work!).

lentilweavinghippy · 05/08/2012 17:17

ohdashit I feel your pain!

Get him to the gp! Losing some of the weight might help. Has he tried one of those things that looks like a gumshield? Worked fairly well on my DH (until he started gobbing it out in his sleep... he's been relegated to the sofa).

NinaHeart · 05/08/2012 18:50

OP, are you actually me?
Eveything you said rings true and I often repair to the spare room just to get a good night's sleep.
Ah the cool sheets, space, cleanliness, peace and quiet.....

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