To not want DS(6) to sleep in the dorms at the youth hostel

[rookiemater]

DH and DS away for a few days of camping. As the weather is meant to be unpredictable DH said they may go to the youth hostel if its too wet.
I checked a few ones in the area and said that most seemed to have beds available but wasn't too sure if there were family rooms - they have booked a room for 2 for some of the nights.

DH said that they could get a room in a dorm and DS would sleep on the top bunk but instinctively I don't like the idea of it. I don't think I am particularly PFB or overly stranger danger conscious but DH is quite a heavy sleeper and the thought of DS sleeping in a room with strangers worried me.

DH has said they won't do it if I'm not happy with it but I'm wondering if I am just being overly precious so thought I would ask what people think.

I think that anyone who is wanting to prey on young DCs has easier options than going to a very rural area, off the beaten track in weather conditions that are too bad for a tent! The dorm will most likely be other DCs too. Tell him to wake DH if he needs to go to the loo and shout if worried-but I can't see who is going to molest him in his bunk-they would have to stand on the father's bunk first and they will be very narrow!
I once stayed in mountain huts in Austria where it is mixed and one long bunk-my reasoning was that anyone who was prepared to spend at least 8 hours walking uphill was going to be a decent person. My boyfriend and the other climbers went out at about 3am (it is the norm with snow climbing) and in the dark I had no idea who I was left with-I wasn't worried and I never had a problem.

Me and 4 friends booked a hostel when we went to Ireland - came from all over UK and met there. It had 3 bunk beds - 6 person dorm

Santa came into our room at 3am

I think a 2 person room would be better from the pov of your DS but also other adults who are staying there.

Come on OP

there is not a paedo on every corner eyeing up your child.

It really is not like that.

Goodness

Without wishing to offend people, this is a bit like preventing rape and walking home late at night. Paedophiles are most commonly known to a child or a family - not usually strangers. There are not paedophiles waiting at every corner to strike.

There have been several threads where people have discussed not doing things because they are worried about stranger danger.

The chances of anything awful happening are very very unlikely.

Tbh you need to start teaching him to scream and shout in the unlikely scenario of someone of following him to the toilet. Soon he will be going into men's toilets on his own anyway.

I don't think the youth hostel is particularly worrying tbh. I think I would be a bit cheesed off if I was an adult in that room tho and woken up in the night by a child noisily going to the loo and then getting up at 7. Bad enough when it's your own child.

DS1 aged 18 took his 10yr old DS2 on a similar trip for a couple of days. They were camping-it was so wet they went in a youth hostel-I was just pleased DS1 had taken the sensible option.

My DS is 5 and uses the mens loos on his own. Should I not be letting him yet?

Sorry-his 10yr old brother DS2-he didn't have 2 children by then!!!

As parents it's quite natural to do a mental risk assessment of new situations.
But honestly OP- a youth hostel, where presumably there will be a number of people? And you can ask your dh to run through scenarios like what to do if child wakes and needs the loo?
It must be WAY down the list when it comes to risk. You are more likely to come to harm driving to the shops while they're away.
Sometimes you need to put the irrational thoughts away and just relax

youbroke

That is really good advice. Telling your child what to do if someone scares them or touches them when they are sleeping. A good scream in a hostel would wake everyone up.

Ok I'm clearly being PFB ( precious first born) which is a first for me. DS is quite shy around strangers anyway so unlikely to be talked into going off with anyone.

Of course you should BodyOfEeyore-if he is a sensible DC he will insist on it.

Apart from the factt hat in that situation DH probably won't sleep well.

Actually on the toilets front we were told by my SIL not to let DS use public mens toilets on his own - obviously ok if its at a restaurant or somewhere like that and I do agree with her, again maybe overcautious but there we go.

I feel your concern, not about stranger danger, but my husband is a very heavy sleeper.

We stayed in a hostel in the Alps a few weeks ago and the toilet was opposite our family room.

DS 7 insisted on sleeping in the upper bunk. I was woken by a bump at 2am, DS had fallen off the ladder getting up half asleep. Helped him to the toilet and the door closed and locked behind us.

DS slept through all of this and us banging the door.

Then I put DS in the lower bunk once DH eventually got up. In the early hours he got up to go again I was aware of him getting up, but this time he left the door wide open and as it dark I didn't realise (they had those timer lights) I only found out as I woke at 6am with my butt hanging out of the duvet, to find a family peeking in the room. My bloody iPad, car keys, wallet etc all on the desk!

For comfort in the tent, take an old washing up bowl or camping toilet and a special torch for DS. Then if he wakes in the night, he can just have a wee in his pod, or just outside. I also make sure if I zip him up that the zip is within his easy reach, or there is some wriggle room for him to get out.

I wouldn't wish my DH on a shared dorm of anyone, his snoring would drive them crazy.

DS stayed in a kids only hostel for camp, and woke needing the toilet, which he found locked!! Poor thing had to wee in the wastepaper bin. Older kids were ribbing him, I was bloody furious.

If it makes you feel more comfortable, tell him to book double rooms only.

Rookie, we all share your concern about toiletsn but they do have to start using men's toilets and therefore you have to get them ready for that. They can't be coming in with you until they are 18!

I know youbroke I know but there are a lot of years between 6 and 18.

Yes and where will you start, considering that the age limit for opposite changing rooms is 8 and most boys will turn round and start to want to use the right sex loo from 7. Best to address it with proper warnings etc than stick your head in the sand.

why not camp at the YHA and then they will be in the tent to sleep but have all the facilities to use in the YHA?

I have slept in dorms in YHA's with dd2 from when she was about 9-10 and never seen it as an issue to do this.

I suppose you are right of course I want him to grow up to be a confident individual but i would just hate it so much if something happened to him and I could have prevented it.

Myinnergoddess thats a great idea about the bowl - unfortunately DH has a pathological hatred of items to pee in - I had to buy travel johns when we last went camping as DH wouldn't let me use a bottle, thankfully I think DS's constitution is a little stronger than mine.

I've travelled a lot in the UK with my daughter when she was younger, I mean really a lot, and nowhere was it allowed to book a room in a dorm of any hostel I looked at.

As far as I know, and through my extensive travel experience with child, and I am from the Continent and my daughter is U.S.American, we had to book a family room, either a 2-bed room OR a family room with more beds, but had to pay full for all the other beds as well, as no others (separate bookings) were allowed with us in one room.

That meant in some instances it was better/more comfortable to book into a B&B etc.

As far as I know, this is UK policy and not up to different hostels to decide.

And as far as I am aware, the under-16 rule has only to do with who is allowed to book a room/bed and check-in on their own, however it still also means that a parent/adult cannot check-in with under-16's into a dorm.

Hope this is helpful.

We can only prevent it in whatever setting through talking about it and teaching them what to do. Just being with them all the time isn't enough as they go to clubs and school activities and sleepovers at other peoples houses.

Hi world citizen from the YHA website it does look like its possible to book in a dorm with DS but it might not be the case when they get there, probably won't happen anyway as fingers crossed the weather will hold up.

Youbroke I totally agree that I can't be there all the time with DS, but I do try to get as much detail as possible i.e. if Ds went on a sleepover which he hasn't wanted to do yet I would have wanted to have met both the parents - is that overcautious I don't know.

It's not over cautious rookie, we all worry about it, but we can't tell anything about anyone just by meeting them and them seeming ok.

That's why we need to equip our dc to be aware of the issues. We wouldn't let them walk somewhere on their own without knowing how to cross a road.