Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have her b/f staying over?

71 replies

fber · 04/08/2012 07:37

Dd is 17, he's 16. They're going to a party tonight (tame affair, parents in, home by midnight etc) Dd wants him to stay at our house as he lives too far away for taxi etc.

Despite the fact that there's no suggestion that he sleeps in her room, just on the sofa, I've said no. Dd is sad and is asking why. I've told her I'm just not ready to be having breakfast with her bf just yet :)

AIBU?

OP posts:
Flyingwithoutwings · 04/08/2012 07:43

How long have they been together?

Original poster
fber · 04/08/2012 07:43

two years ....

OP posts:
scentednappyhag · 04/08/2012 07:43

If he'd be staying downstairs on the sofa and you wouldn't object to one of her friends staying after a party, I don't fully understand why you wouldn't let her BF.
But it's your house, your rules, so I don't think YAreallyBU.

Sirzy · 04/08/2012 07:45

After 2 years and with them sleeping in different rooms then I wouldn't have a problem especially if it does make more sense than paying out for taxis

bringbacksideburns · 04/08/2012 07:46

YABU.

Let him sleep on the sofa. It's been two years not two weeks.

JumpingThroughHoops · 04/08/2012 07:47

YABU

My front room is a doss house half the time Hmm

MadgeHarvey · 04/08/2012 07:48

YABVU. Small steps to a way better relationship with your DD. They're not going to sleep together are they. Time to chill out and deal with it - no time like the present.

Dprince · 04/08/2012 07:49

Imo yabu. I would let him sleep on the sofa or a make shift bed in the living room.

Why are you against it?.

ILiveInAPineapple · 04/08/2012 07:50

YABU, if you want her to be open and honest with you, you need to give something back to her. Sleeping on the couch after they've been together two yrs is a small price to pay for the gratitude of yr dd.

Original poster
fber · 04/08/2012 07:51

oh it's purely my own denial.... I know they're having sex and just seeing him reminds me of that fact. I just don't feel 'ready' !

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 04/08/2012 07:52

I wouldn't have a problem with this, but you don't actually say why you object to it, so I can't say whether YABU or not. Do you like him? Does she ever have female friends stay? Are you worried there'll be nocturnal sneaking around?

squeakytoy · 04/08/2012 07:53

They have been together for two years, and he only wants to stay on the sofa. YABU really.

Would it bother you if it was a female friend, or if he rolled up at 8am for his breakfast without staying the night?

TallDwarf · 04/08/2012 07:53

I think Yabu. Sounds like you're just saying no to be a pain

Sirzy · 04/08/2012 07:53

If you know they are having sex, they are both old enough to legally have sex and they are in a long term relationship then I am afraid you need to change your thinking and remember your daughter is a young lady now.

Original poster
fber · 04/08/2012 07:54

To be honest I don't really want to encourage the relationship. He will be drunk as well :(

OP posts:
Sunnydelight · 04/08/2012 07:55

YABU - if you don't create an atmosphere where your kids' friends/partners are welcome when they are younger you will soon find your kids prefer hanging out elsewhere.

TallDwarf · 04/08/2012 07:56

The thing is, the more you meddle like this and make life hard for them, the more likely they are to sneak around behind your back.

squeakytoy · 04/08/2012 07:57

Will then not both be having a few drinks if it is a party? At 16 and 17 I would say that is quite reasonable.

FeakAndWeeble · 04/08/2012 07:58

It's your house so I suppose really it's up to you to decide who you have staying in it, but I think you're being a bit mean and unreasonable. Your DD needs to have somewhere that she can be with her boyfriend and if I were you, I'd rather she felt comfortable in her own home where she's safe, rather than taking risks going somewhere she might not be and possibly lying to you about her whereabouts. I had friends when I was this age whose parents had similar attitudes to yours and they ended up doing all sorts of things in very unsuitable places.

Original poster
fber · 04/08/2012 07:58

The last time I went to pick them all up from a party, he was really drunk. Am I being old fashioned here? He's only 16 :(

OP posts:
FoofHundredMetreFreestyle · 04/08/2012 07:58

Oh Yanbu for the reason you gave above. Completely understand your feelings there.
However, Yabu really, as long as you can trust there won't be any sneaking up and down stairs shenanigans, perhaps cut a bit of slack there.
You can always give him the gimlet eye over your Frosties. .

Pickles77 · 04/08/2012 08:00

Op- do you not like him? Can we have a bit of background on what you think of him please?

squeakytoy · 04/08/2012 08:01

If he only lived round the corner, or they were 13/14 then you wouldnt be unreasonable, but if he lives a fair distance away, and they are both legally old enough to be in a sexual relationship anyway (not that they are even asking to share a bed), it does seem quite mean and petty to say he cant stay.

MrsHelsBels74 · 04/08/2012 08:01

If they're going to have sex they will find a place to do it anyway so why not make it easier for them? I'm sure it's hard to accept your daughter is growing up but wouldn't you prefer her to be able to be open & honest with you about sex rather than sneaking around behind your back? And having safe sex in a safe comfortable environment rather than say in the back of a car? I know when I was 16 my dad saying no boyfriends didn't stop me!

It's not like they've only been together 5 minutes is it?

natwebb79 · 04/08/2012 08:02

Sorry but your attitude to your daughter's relationship sounds very self centred. She has been with him for 2 years and they obviously respect you enough to offer to sleep separately. When I was that age my parents allowed me and my boyfriend to stay in the same room as they trusted me to be sensible. I really appreciated their trust. Unless there's a very good reason for you to discourage the relationship (is he a drug user? Violent? Anything untoward??) then I think you should support your daughter.

Swipe left for the next trending thread