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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to allow my daughter to have her hair and nails done for an event

59 replies

freddiefrog · 01/08/2012 23:12

only DH and I have come to major blows about it.

DD1 (10, nearly 11) has a big prize giving event coming up soon. She won a award in an art competition and a big prize giving ceremony has been arranged.

We had a girly shopping day at the weekend when she chose a new outfit and I've booked to take her to a friend's salon to have her hair and nails done on the day as a treat

The dress is quite grown up I suppose but not tarty, revealing or short - just a simple knee length shift dress really, some shoes with a small heel and a bracelet to wear with it

DH think it's far too old for her and shouldn't be having her nails/hair done.

I think that it's one night, it's a special grown up event and it's a treat so a bit of nail varnish and a hair do won't do her any harm

Thanks!

OP posts:
honeytea · 01/08/2012 23:14

I think your right! I'd probably say no to any highlights or anything on the hair, but it if it just a cut/style and some nail varnish I can't see the harm.

Congratulations to your daughter, I hope she has a great night!

LindyHemming · 01/08/2012 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roteelefant · 01/08/2012 23:17

YANBU.
Just having her hair 'done' (styled) and polish on her nails will be a lovely treat. She's nearly 11, she'll be in high school soon.

Maybe it is just a case of DH not wanting his little girl to grow up (obviously he does reallt but you know what I mean)

WorraLiberty · 01/08/2012 23:19

I don't know what 'having her hair done' means?

I'd be fine about a bit of nail varnish for an occasion like that but it's hard to say YANBU or YABU without knowing how 'grown up' she's going to look.

If she's going to look totally different and like a mini adult, perhaps that's what your DH is struggling with?

Still not a biggy for one occasion though.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 01/08/2012 23:19

Thanks!

No colour or anything like that, she actually only wants a French plait and I can't do them for toffee.

I've booked her in for a proper wash, trim, blow dry and them do the plait.

Nails will just be a bit of polish, no fake nails/tips/etc

OP posts:
PlumpDogdePodiumPunchesdeAir · 01/08/2012 23:20

YANBU.

squeakytoy · 01/08/2012 23:20

Sounds perfectly normal for a ten year old girl. He is being an overprotective daddy who needs to chill out a bit.

LindyHemming · 01/08/2012 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 01/08/2012 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeytea · 01/08/2012 23:21

sounds like the perfect hair for a 10 year old.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 01/08/2012 23:22

Sorry, crossed posts

Not massively grown up but more frown up than the jeans and crocs she usually knocks around in. the dress is a simple shift dress from BHS kids range, black patent court shoes with about an inch heel.

Make up wise, she's got a tube of Boots coloured lip gloss I've said she can wear.

OP posts:
Original poster
freddiefrog · 01/08/2012 23:30

Sorry, missed some more posts

Definitely over protective Daddy i think. It drives me mad. He had a pink fit over some gold body glitter someone bought her for Christmas

He'd have her in ankle socks and smocked dresses if he could

God knows what he's going to be like when she's 15.

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 01/08/2012 23:36

It sounds perfect for the occasion.

You are going to have to talk to him, not just about this, but about it all in general of he's going to make her life miserable and yours bloody hard work. He needs to be more aware of what girls that age (and upward) are like/need. Most of us don't want them looking like they could work street corners but a french plait, a bit of nail polish and some boots lip gloss do not a tramp make!!

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 01/08/2012 23:36

OH and BIG congratulations to DD Grin

LindyHemming · 01/08/2012 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 03/08/2012 11:53

Thanks!

Sorry for not coming back to this sooner, broadband went kaput

I agree we definitely need a chat about this, he's being very Victorian Father with her - not just clothes, but about her being allowed out, where she can go, etc.

We went some way to sorting the going out issues by getting her a mobile phone but he contacts her every 5 minutes. I know he worries but it's getting a bit overbearing

As for the clothes, he's becoming a nightmare. She's not allowed to wear jewellery, no make up (just stuff like lip gloss and nail varnish) he moans about skinny jeans and t-shirts with slogans (nothing inappropriate, his latest bee in his bonnet is a t-shirt with the word 'love' spelled out in scrabble letters).

Her clothes of choice are usually jeans and hoodies so we're not talking about her dressing like a mini-hooker plastered in fake tan and make up.

He just doesn't seem to be aware of what most 10 year olds like these days and it causes so much aggro

And thanks for the congrats, we're very proud of her and she's thrilled. she's not the most confident child and she gives herself such a hard time so it's been fab for her to have some outside validation iyswim.

OP posts:
oscarwilde · 03/08/2012 12:11

Gosh this takes me back. My father wouldn't let me wear jeans until I was 15 on the grounds that they were for workmen....... I swear we were a perfectly normal family and not Downton Abbey types.
Make up on a 10yr old though - I'd probably ban that in general too except for v special occasions.
Is the constant checking on her during the day ? Trips to the park with friends etc ?

wfhmumoftwo · 03/08/2012 12:21

sounds perfect for her! YANBU

For what its worth, having been a female teenager with an over protective father many moons ago (in the 90s) the more her father tries to protect her by controlling her movements, clothes, friends etc i guarantee the more she will start to push the limits and rebel against him! (at least i did and so did my friends)
Of course he loves her and wants to protect her but the best way to do this is to actually allow her to grow up a little, treat her with respect and honesty and he will get the same in return as she grows up. Just my opinion

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 03/08/2012 12:25

Congratulations to your dd!
I think YANBU and it'll be lovely for her. Both of you actually.

Your dh needs to lighten up a bit or else when she's 15 she'll be sneaking her clothes out in a bag and getting changed round a mate's and he'll have no idea where or what she's doing. He's going to back her into a corner where she'll have to lie just to have a bit of freedom from him.

MightBeSlightlyMad · 03/08/2012 12:29

What your dd is going to wear sounds fine and hair in a french plait is a lovely style, my dd is 7 and likes to wear a little lipgloss and nail varnish with nail transfers now and again.

Dads do seem to become very protective over there dd's, he means well but god help him when your dd becomes a tennager

Congradulations to you dd on the art prize.

Orenishii · 03/08/2012 12:42

I'm probably the lone voice of dissent :)

Not so much the details of your plans for your daughter, OP, a french plait looks lovely. It's more - I think he's right in principle. I had nice dresses, similar to what you've bought for your daughter OP - so I'm really not knocking the particular details in this case.

This idea that just because society has accepted - and encourages - what 10 year olds wear doesn't make it right. At aged 10 I was knocking around in jeans and a disney T-shirt of some description. A proper t-shirt, not teeny tight ones.

I realise this isn't a very popular view :)

But I really hate all this treating children like mini adults - going to the hairdressers, putting on make up, having their nails done, wearing miniature versions of adult clothes - IMHO that's how we've ended up with a society obsessed with looks, with so much fakery and falseness a la TOWIE and fake tans and nails and lashes etc. And I do believe it's all tied in with girls growing up wanting to become a "celebrity", of being treated like disposable trash by rich footballers or whatever, of selling themselves so short and having anything else in their lives other than how they look. It's all become so much - too much - and it just seems a crying shame to be so complicit in it with our daughters, just because it's become socially acceptable.

I think it's pervasive, insidious and poisonous, and it's been going on for aeons. But equally, I have a lot of respect for the parent that says no - I want my child to be a child for as long as possible.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 03/08/2012 12:48

I agree with your dh on make up, and I think nails are unneccesary but harmless. If the hair do is just a French plait I can't see why anyone would have a problem with that, it's a typical little girls hairstyle!

When I used to stay with my Granny for a week she used to take me to the hairdressers to have my (long thick and curly) hair put into a french plait because it was the only way she could manage to send me home without a big matted scarecrow look going on.

gobbledegook1 · 03/08/2012 12:48

Sounds fine to me.

Babylon1 · 03/08/2012 12:51

YANBU

our DDs were christened a couple of weeks ago. They both had new dresses, shoes, hair and nails done - they are 7 & 2!

It was a great day, they looked and felt special.

auntpetunia · 03/08/2012 13:10

my dd is 10 and we've just come back from getting our nails done, I've had the full works but she's just had a nice manicure and file and some nice varnish on. we've got a christening tomorrow and it just makes her feel nice and grown up. You DH really needs to chill your dd sounds like she's dressed like mine andI think she always look lovely not tarty. Like an earlier poster my DH has absolved all responsibility for her clothing to me as he has no idea.