to allow my daughter to have her hair and nails done for an event

[freddiefrog]

only DH and I have come to major blows about it.

DD1 (10, nearly 11) has a big prize giving event coming up soon. She won a award in an art competition and a big prize giving ceremony has been arranged.

We had a girly shopping day at the weekend when she chose a new outfit and I've booked to take her to a friend's salon to have her hair and nails done on the day as a treat

The dress is quite grown up I suppose but not tarty, revealing or short - just a simple knee length shift dress really, some shoes with a small heel and a bracelet to wear with it

DH think it's far too old for her and shouldn't be having her nails/hair done.

I think that it's one night, it's a special grown up event and it's a treat so a bit of nail varnish and a hair do won't do her any harm

Thanks!

Freddie your approach seems eminently sensible to me. I'd also start pointing out what other similar aged girls are wearing when you are out and about. It's probable that your usually sane DH has a total blind spot on what ther girls are wearing- or he assumes they must be older etc...

having a new hair do and a bit of polish on her nails isnt too grown up imo , bit of a file and polish won't do her any harm for a 1 off thing,

i just had a look at the dress you've picked, OP, and I think it is very innocent - certainly a heck of a lot less grown up than the other 8-16 stuff.

Your DH needs to realise that he has nothing to worry about. If he does not, then he really will have something to worry about in a few years.

There is a balance between wanting to live in the Victorian Age and being a caring parent who wants to give their DDs a proper childhood, and your DH is currently on the wrong side of that balance. Tackle this, and soon.

French plait is lovely- I can't do them either though.
I took my DD (who is also 10 yo) to have her waist length hair washed and cut.The hairdresser asked if she wanted her hair French Plaited because they very rarely got girls with such beautiful long hair in the salon (preen, preen)

But I can sort of see your DH side freddiefrog.
A couple of weeks back I walked round to the chippy with my DD. She wore denim shorts, a long white shirt and a vest top, with her converses.

On the way there and back 2 different cars with young male drivers /passengers tooted and whooped at her. They were driving behind us so didn't see her face (she's very tall and slim).
DD didn't realise what was going on. I hope they looked in their mirror and thought "Oh feck she's a child" . I was so tempted to catch the first car at the traffic lights and hammer on the window and shout "She's ten you pervert".

But I didn't.

The dress,hair,nails and gloss sound lovely BTW and well done to your DD

Nothing wrong with that at all!

I had a little makeover when I won the Child Of Achievement Award 2000 (I suspect you'd all like my autograph now ), I was 8 at the time. I was dead chuffed with wearing nail polish and had the teensiest heel on my shoe!

Hope she has fun. X

The dress/hair/nails you've treated her to sound lovely, and a nice way reward her success. I was one of the girls who rebelled because my parents were too controlling. (At 16 I told them I was staying at a friends house for a long weekend and actually went to Glastonbury. They never did find out. I shudder now when thinking what if..?)
One of the things I find helpful to convince my dh of what to expect of the girls is to show him the requirements for the Brownie and Guide badges. (When he's flipped over dd cooking, lighting our candle with a match last advent etc. I think these would cover how to be safe around open water, too.)

I do have a fear though, connected to hair/clothes/make-up, that one of my daughters in particular looks about three older than she actually is, (11.) (and is really quite stunning, if I do say so myself:) )The thought that she could be fending off interest from much older men in too few years really makes me nervous. Is this what's going on in your DH's mind when he's fretting about her looking too grown up?

I think he is being OTT - my mum tried to keep me dressed in very young styles - I was the 11 year old wearing a very flowery puffy party dress while the other girls wore things from Tammy Girl or Kylie (trendy back then!) and even my school uniform was very childish comparatively- and it backfired pretty badly. As soon as I had a part time job (at 13) I started buying my own clothes and my skirts got VERY short, tops got VERY low, and I generally just lied through my back teeth about what I was up to, where I was going and who with. She was similarly strict about make up and nails, refused to ever let me go to a hairdresser (I had bum length hair that she trimmed) etc etc.

I think it's better to let her grow up gradually, and this sounds like a lovely slightly grown up event for her. I also think the dress you have chosen is lovely - it's a million miles away from tarty.

I think this is a very tricky one. On the one hand you sound perfectly sensible and what you've got planned for your DD sounds lovely and appropriate, a nice treat for having done well. But I do feel sad that this is how we reward our daughters, especially at such a young age. Don't get me wrong, I find myself doing it too at times (never taken DD to a salon but I know she would LOVE it) but it just seems wrong to make them feel that how they look is so important - after all none of us would think to take our son to the barber's for a treat! I hate the modern obsession with looks and image and fake everything but then I wear make-up, colour my hair and love fashion so who am I to judge? Very hard being Mum to a pre-teen girl at times!