AIBU by not attending family christening?

[Woopdiedoo]

So, BIL and SIL have booked DC2's christening on the same day as my DC's birthday party for the second year running (they did the same thing with DC1 last year). I didn't mind so much last year and attended both events but logistically it was a nightmare with us being stressed and late for DC's party and she was tired.

I won't bore you with the details but she pulls this kind of crap all the time. When we swapped invitations they said it had been a 'mistake' to book it on the day but it just so happens that I know the owner of the play gym and they told us that they'd been in to check the register on the day they'd booked the christening. The fact that they said it had been a 'mistake' I think indictes that they know they have been unfair, or have they?

So AIBU by refusing to attend bearing in mind that we will have just got back off holiday and I only have a short time to sort stuff out for the party and was hoping to use that morning. WWYD? Thanks for any advice.

Yanbu

The original plans always stand imo. If it was feasible to get to the christening and do the party then I would, if it's one or the other I'd go with the party but send a lovely gift and a card.

Is it your niece/nephew?

Do you want to attend?

I'd just stick to doing your party as planned. I could not even concieve doing anything else whilst trying to host a kids party. They have obviously done it on purpose, so i'd not bother going.

YANBU as far as I'm concerned. If it was important to them to have you there they wouldn't have acted like such complete arses with the scheduling.

I would suggest instead that if it's the second time it's happened that they either don't like you or that you embarrass them in some way, and they really don't want you there.

I agree YANBU but () won't this mean your family will all be conflicted as to which to attend. Could you end up with a very small party?

How strange of them, do they want your family to have to choose between the cousins? Are they both in on it?

I think I would let SIL know that you know that she checked the register for the dates.

They sound weird/insensitive/unpleasant..... EugenesAxe makes a good point - perhaps they don't want you there for some reason OR perhaps if they did the same thing last year and you did both they think that it was ok then so it's ok now?

Will it affect any of your party guests, or will they all be friends that don't know your sil anyway?

YANBU. Weird behaviour. I'd let them know you know she checked the register too (or if it's your DH's brother /sister then him do it) and find out what's going on.

I'll elaborate a bit as it might make more sense then.

BIL and SIL are DP's brother and future SIL. SIL is a complete fucking nightmare dufficult person, the whole family have issues with her but nobody will say anything since there has been 'enough falling out in the family' so I tolerate her for DP's sake. I know she doesn't like me, but the feeling is mutual, she's one of these that had honed the skill of stealth insults.

She's done lots of things like this in the past, tries to sabotage events that are not about her, etc. but I've always just let it go. But she's recently taken umvridge with us as we have booked our wedding at a venue that they wanted to use for their wedding which subsequently got cancelled and their new plan was to marry abroad in a few years. They've now decided to marry at this place the year after us. I'm totally not bothered by any of this, we chose the venue as it was cheap, nothing to do with them, but judging by her critic fb statuses clearly aimed at me, I know she is mightily pissed off with me us.

Cue her going out of her way to make life as difficult as possible for us. I don't think they don't want us to come as they've asked DP to be godparent so naturally he has to be there. I'm not opposed to going as such, and it would be possible due to timings BUT it's going to make the day stressful and hardwork for me and part of me thinks, why should I put myself out when I know they've deliberately done this.

Also, AIBU to ask that my DC has ONE special day to herself? There is guest crossover but I do think she enjoys making people choose. I wouldn't even question I'd I was doing the right thing by not going but I know I'll never hear the end of it do just wanted to check I wasn't BU.

Apologies for the autocorrect spelling errors.

I would have to call her on it and say you know she checked the date of the party. But I am a stroppy arsed mare who rarely takes shit!!!

Ok, the fact that your dh is GODPARENT is a pretty bog detail that was missing!

In that case you probably just have to put up with it, or see if you can change the day of your dds party. Have you sent invites yet?

YANBU. My SIL is the same. They got married the same weekend I was due with dc2. When they announced their engagement we immediately rang and told them we were pregnant (5 weeks maybe??). Told them the due date. Said we could attend a few weeks on either side. She made excuses like oh our PIL are going on holiday so can't make it earlier (total bs coz my FIL said they'd change their holiday dates).

So as a result of that my dh missed out on being best man and they've never met their dniece who is 2 this September. And to add to all the bs, up till their wedding day, she kept saying 'oh its a shame you can't make the wedding'. FFS she made this happen!!

So no you are not being unreasonable.

I would go just to annoy her......

Yes, invites have all been sent. It's in a couple of weeks.

We actually found out about what they were doing through another family member a while before they sent out the invites. It might also be important to know that she was still pregnant when the christening was booked so there was always the chance that they would cancel since the baby will be less than a month old at the time of the christening.

Initially DP was livid saying we wouldn't be going out of principle but when they handed over the invite, they asked him to be godparent at the same time. This was only just over a week ago so we didn't get much notice.

My SiL pulls this shit constantly. She deliberately engineered events so that her parents did not attend dds 1st birthday. She then purposefully booked her dds confirmation on the day of ds's birthday. Meaning he missed out too as GPs went to confirmation. She also played up terribly about the fact we declined to go.

I think as long as your dp attends and is happy to go alone than its fine. It is not your sils day, it is supposed to be about the spiritual well being of her child.

Sounds to me like YA both BU.
Who would book an event they wanted family to attend, without first checking the family were available ?
Equally, presumably you saw this potentially could happen, and could have said "Are you planning to have dc2 Christened anytime soon, as obviously we don't want the same unfortunate mix up as last year?" If answer is 'Yes' then you would be able to book party on a different day, if answer is 'no' then you could publically tell everyone you'd checked with SiL and nothing's booked for Chrstening, so you're booking the b'day party for X date.

Oh, x-posted, so you knew some time ago when the Christening was....?

DD's party was actually booked months and months ago (DP is friends with playgym owner and we booked it and paid for it knowing we had lots of other stuff coming up). DP actually told them at the time as he was suggesting they do the same for DC1's party this year.

Said family member told us what she 'thought' they are up to but as she was pregnant with the baby still, nobody was sure. This has all happened within a month.

When the double booking happened last year, I was with her when she booked it. She was going through her diary saying she couldn't do x date for this or that reason, did I mind her doing it on DC's birthday party date. I didn't, as I didn't realise what a nightmare it would end up being.

I had no reason to suspect she would have DC2 christened at such a young age. She says she was trying to do it during summer months for the best weather during the wettest summer on record.

I personally feel like she's done it on purpose to get back at us over out wedding plans. She could have chosen any other month IMO. But I recognise that I am probably BU by refusing to go to teach her a lesson maybe?

For crab and honey, it's a bloody nightmare with people like this. I don't think they realise that it's the DCs that miss out. I know my SIL is massively competitive though and she has no shame in doing this through the children either.

YANBU.

My DP's sister has just decided to pull a similar stunt on us. Her baby will be 6 months old when our baby is due, and she has booked the christening for exactly 2 weeks after I am due. She told us the date the same time she asked DP to be godparent (and tell him he has to go and be christened first!).

Now, call me unreasonable, but, I am expecting to go overdue, as I did with my first, and I am planning a home birth. I had a c/s the first time, so there is a chance that I may end up being transferred into hospital and end up with another c/s - I could still be in hospital on the day of the christening. I will not agree to be induced, so there is no guarantee that I won't be in labour or just delivered, or whatever around that time.

DP's family aren't particularly happy, as there is only DP, his mum and sister, and then a few aunts/uncles/cousins. It isn't a big family. So everyone expects him to be there.

DP told her to go whistle. He would rather be at home and putting his childs needs above hers. Its not like she didn't know my exact due date - she only booked it 2 weeks ago! If she wanted him to be a godparent so much, then why book it right at a time where it will be full of uncertainty for us!

To be fair, we are intending to go, all being well. But the problem is he can't commit to being a godparent when there is a possibility he won't be able to attend!

And anyway. They are all a bunch of hypocrites. She isn't religious, non of the family is. Her first isn't christened. I'll let you make your own mind up why she is doing it...

Detective, I very much sympathise with you there.

Clearly she can't stand the idea that attention might be focused on someone other than her DC so she's pulling it back by having DC christened around your due date IMO.

This is what bothers me about the set up with my SIL. If she wants to be difficult, then so be it, but by asking DP to be godparent she is now forcing him to be involved on a day that should be about his own DC.

And like you say, it always ends up being you who is in the wrong since surely you should be grateful for being asked to be godparent in the first place.

I'm seriously getting bored with SIL's antics. Especially since I know she's only warming up for our wedding. I dread to think what evil plans she's concocting to spoil that for us!