AIBU by not attending family christening?

[Woopdiedoo]

So, BIL and SIL have booked DC2's christening on the same day as my DC's birthday party for the second year running (they did the same thing with DC1 last year). I didn't mind so much last year and attended both events but logistically it was a nightmare with us being stressed and late for DC's party and she was tired.

I won't bore you with the details but she pulls this kind of crap all the time. When we swapped invitations they said it had been a 'mistake' to book it on the day but it just so happens that I know the owner of the play gym and they told us that they'd been in to check the register on the day they'd booked the christening. The fact that they said it had been a 'mistake' I think indictes that they know they have been unfair, or have they?

So AIBU by refusing to attend bearing in mind that we will have just got back off holiday and I only have a short time to sort stuff out for the party and was hoping to use that morning. WWYD? Thanks for any advice.

Honey dragon and amkd, they should be kissing my arse anyway.

Ancient folklore foretold of a fair maidens birth and she would come to be known as woopdiedoo on MN. It was decided back in 1850 that a grand house would be built to one day host her wedding. It was said that other weddings should be allowed in order to get her wedding right. And so the day hath cometh and the date has been written in the stars.

If it had not been for me this place would never have been built, in fact, it's a wonder I am even being made to pay!

Ok, I ABU by going to this level of sarcasm but you get my drift ;)

Lol stuntgirl, I quite agree! Try telling that to the bridezilla former friend who has now stopped talking to me for going to view 'her'venue before the date had even been booked! I am also a complete bitch for not telling her I was planning a wedding before going to view venues, WTAF!?

I would be very tempted to tell your SIL to stuff the christning. Tell her your DCs birthday party was booked first, and so you can't make the christning sorry. Tell her your honoured to be godparents (are you going to be godmother?) but you will have to send a proxy.

I would also want to have a good chat with her about all this cos it cant go on for the rest of yr lives. Perhaps parents can have a word too.

Delibreatly booking a barely born baby's christning on the day of your DCs birthday party is petty, childish and mean-spirited . I don;t think any of your family will be pleased if this heeps up for every family event!

Thanks penguin, I agree with you on all points. No, it is only DP who has been asked to be godparent. DP has slightly annoyed me over this as he was all ready to tell them that he thought it wasn't on but didn't bother after being honoured with the invitation to be godparent. The syndicalism part of me believes that that was engineered to ensure he attended despite the fact that logistically the day will be difficult for us. I don't mind if he goes though, I was just concerned that by not going I was being equally petty and unreasonable but following these posts I feel I am justified in not attending.

The thing is, I think it is SIL who is the problem and nobody wants to be the one to say anything. There are no parents involved either since a family falling out.

This is spilling over into everybody's lives too. Just as an example, she (I believe) purposely delayed some guests to out DCs christening when she knew we were waiting for them for family photos.

She sounds like a nightmare! Are you doing the food for the birthday party or is it just party bags/ cake etc. There is no way I could do something in the morning as I would be making sarnies. If it is party bags etc, then you might be able to get them all ready before and just pop to the church. After all a christening is all about the religious part, right?

For their wedding I would 'beg' them to do it on your birthday weekend as you are planning to go away the next weekend with some friends, and it will be so special to you if they share their wedding annerversary with your birthday. You might find that your birthday weekend is miraculously free!

at 3duracellbunnies - love your suggestion, that would put the cat among the pigeons

But seriously, are these your options or do you have more:

1. Play her petty games, with her or better than her. Not going to the christning falls into this option, as you are basically going "nah nah, we're not coming!" The birthday weekedn suggestion above is this category too.

1. Confront her adn try to resolve it. Howeber, you think best - quiet chat, screaming row, whatever gets the "we're not taking your shit anymore" point across!

1. Ignore her. Just go along with the shit, don't let it bother you and make sure it doesn't actually hurt your family but leave her to it. She might get bored eventually if no-one rises to it.

And a warning: don't get paranoid. No-one is evil 100% of the time - occasionally it may be a mistake or accidental. Cut her some slack, give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe kindness on your part may put her more at ease and help stop her shit?

hope you get this sorted x

Thankfully, I am only doing party bags and party games and making the cake myself but in top of that I'll have all the holiday washing etc. I think I'm just annoyed that in having to put myself out when I shouldn't have to.

Penguin, I think the most affective option would be to have it out with her. She is a real coward and resorts to cryptic fb statuses aimed at me rather than tell me what it is that I have actually done to piss her off. I never rise to them either. Unfortunately, I don't feel like it is my place to do this since I view them as DP's side of the family. I wouldn't expect him to meddle if it was my family. On the other hand, I would already have said something had it been anyone from my side.

I have never let it be known, as far as I can tell, that what she does gets to me since I know this will be playing into her hands. I am always pleasant to her as I was raised properly and still it continues. What I have mentioned on my posts is merely the top of the iceberg when it comes to her behaviour.

The best way to deal with people like this is to not play along with them. Tell your sil that you and dp will have to miss the Christening because it is your child's birthday and you will be too busy preparing for dc special day.

Stop indulging this silly woman. Why are you so afraid to stand up to her? She only has the power that you give her. Take it away by ignoring her.

Oh and block her on facebook.

Thanks bobbledunk. I have already decided not to go although I already know how this will go down. DP will still be attending as he will be godparent. Oh, and she was blocked a long time ago thankfully.

I wouldn't say I'm afraid to stand up to her. It's a complicated family and I think I will come off worse by rocking the boat iyswim. I like the idea of ignoring her though.

Since you are not having the party in your house, try and not stress out. That is the only reason I ever had any out of the house parties, so I could relax. Make the cake earlier, you can always freeze the cake and frost it a day ahead of time.
Just go to the church for the baptism, and don't attend if they are having a party afterwards. That is what we'd do in your situation.
Glad my husband is an only child.

I know, it can be messy when family is involved which makes things harder. Ignoring is the best way to go, people like her thrive on attention and take pleasure in disrupting others. Ignore and carry on doing as you originally planned, also quietly never do what she wants, it will drive her loopy.

Hope your dc has a lovely birthday.

Lol, iscream. It may sound melodramatic but I have at times considered leaving DP so that I would never have to deal with his horrible family again. This was before we had the DCs though.

I know that logistically it would be entirely feasible to go to the christening but having done it last year, I know that the DCs will be tired and my DD will not be able to enjoy her party. I'm already in holiday too so shouldn't really be on here [GRIN] so it's a bit late to make the cake and freeze it now.

Thanks again bobbledunk.

I learnt a while ago, and totally by accident, that being happy seems to rile her the most so I intend to just try and be very happy.

I have gone through phases where I have felt sorry for her when I realised that she must be so lacking in confidence and deeply unhappy to behave this way but then it does wind me up when her antics start to interfere with our lives. And I must admit I'm pissed off that on this occassion she has brought my DC into it

I would just bluntly tell her to stop being a cow.
Your DP and family make it worse by letting her do this stuff. Why does no1 ever stand up & tell the person they are being ridiculous.

Wildworld, I have no idea. I have on occassion asked some family members how they manage to bite their tongue with her and the answer I got was 'there have been enough fallings out in this family' .

I can see this causing arguments with DP as I'm already annoyed that he didn't take the chance to say something when invites were swapped. I'm not allowed to talk about it anymore because he's suck of me 'going on about her' but he's much more laid back than me and it is usually be who has to deal with her and am the brunt of her wrath so he possibly doesn't see what's going on. I think I understand her motives more than he does too being a fellow woman.