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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be taking my baby to mother and baby groups?

61 replies

newmummytobe79 · 01/08/2012 08:23

I did in the first couple of months, but I guess baby was too young to know what was going on! I didn't really enjoy it ... and to be honest, I was just too knackered to be bothered chatting with the other competitive mums and would rather spend the time with family/friends.

Baby is now 10 months old and spends time with friends kids and young relatives every few weeks. My MIL (and her friend has said the same so I guess it's been discussed when I'm not there!) has mentioned toddler groups a few times to me know and I'm starting to wonder if I'm denying my baby playmates?

My baby is very sociable with adults, but admittedly does look at kids when we're in the supermarket etc and waves at them!

I'm planning on going to a baby music class in the next few weeks as my baby loves to dance. Is this going to be enough to stimulate or are those babies already in childcare/attending lots of classes going to be 'ahead' when it comes to pre-school time?

First time mum so really not sure what's best so any advice would be great thanks!

OP posts:
NeverCleverLand · 01/08/2012 08:27

I think when they start running about toddler groups can be good. You don't have to go but I didn't really want to but DS enjoys them, and I get to have a cup of tea while hes occupied. And you can meet some nice people.

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 01/08/2012 08:27

I didn't join any until ds was 6 months, I found one I loved and another was cliquey and horrible. I'd say don't go unless you want to but I do think it worth trying a couple because you might find one you really enjoy.

squeakytoy · 01/08/2012 08:28

I would say your child is now getting to an age where regular interaction with other children is quite important for their development.

Once they are toddling around it is perhaps an idea to take them to nursery even if it is just one morning a week, so that they become confident with others too.

JumpingThroughHoops · 01/08/2012 08:28

I found them hell on earth.

Tee2072 · 01/08/2012 08:29

I never went. My son is fine. He's 3.1 now and a chatty happy friendly little guy.

shoppingbagsundereyes · 01/08/2012 08:29

I went to loads when ds was a baby and none when dd was a baby ( because ds was going through the terrible twos and was too horrendous). Dd is a far more sociably able child. I would do what you enjoy.

WipsGlitter · 01/08/2012 08:31

I think when they are a bit older, or if you need/want to get out if the house they are good (depending on you finding one you liked going to). When I became a sahm they were very useful!!

2rebecca · 01/08/2012 08:31

Mother and toddler groups are mainly to benefit the parents and allow them to meet other parents. I went to a couple, hated them and avoided stuff like that until play group age 2 1/2.
My kids went to childminders part time though so mixed with other kids.
They mix soon enough when at nursery so I wouldn't worry. Children don't really play together when very young.

MrsHoarder · 01/08/2012 08:34

They are for your benefit until DC are old enough to actually interact. If you don't need the social interaction then don't go. I only go because extended family are all at the other end of the country and its nice to talk to an adult who isn't dh occasionally.

Thumbwitch · 01/08/2012 08:35

I didn't go to any when DS was a baby. He went baby swimming from 4mo, but that wasn't very social; and I took him to gymbabes from 9mo but again, not that social. The reason being I knew we'd be emigrating so didn't feel the need to make all those connections with people that might be useful later on for school etc.

However, when we got to Australia, I started going to two playgroups when DS was 23mo, mostly to meet people for me but also because by then he did, IMO, need more interaction with other children.

valiumredhead · 01/08/2012 08:39

I think if baby is waving at kids in the supermarket then there's your clue that they need a bit more stimulation Grin

Seeing young relatives every few weeks doesn't sound very much to me.

Mind you, I took ds to a sure start playgroup every morning from the age of 1 til he started school and we made really good friends there.

Tangointhenight · 01/08/2012 08:40

I only started going when DD was 8 months and she lived it, she loves other babies though however prior to that I didn't, I hate the cliques and trying to get there by 10 am, think they should have them after lunch not before!! But I started going to one with a friend, it's not close by but it's worth it to know someone well and not feel self conscious!!

curmit · 01/08/2012 08:41

I only started going on a weekly basis when DS was 2 / 2.5. I didn't enjoy them up unitl then. ie, until I could see that he was enjoying himself. I don't think there's any need at all to pressure yourself into taking them when they're babies. They get all the stimulation they need from you. In fact as babies, I think they can find those situations stressful - other children snatching and hitting etc.

MrFunnytheEasterBunny · 01/08/2012 08:42

I hated them! I used to take my DS to baby music, baby gymnastics, and baby swimming, so he got to interact with other children, but I didn't have to talk to the weirdos who lived in the horrible town we used to live in strangers.

He went to nursery when he was 1 and settled right in, and is a very sociable and confident little boy now. So I don't think it did him any harm, as long as they get good quality input from parents when they are tiny, and the chance to interact with other children when they are a little bigger, in some way or another.

ByTheWay1 · 01/08/2012 08:42

I went - because I became a SAHM and suddenly realised how important work had been for friendships/chats/general socialising.....

Two of my best friends were made at our church hall mum and toddler group (I am an atheist, but all are welcomed...)

Toddler groups are also something you can just drop in and out of - feel the need for a chat, go this week, feel like being alone, don't go....

I found it more important with my first than my second - sharing just cannot be taught without the interaction with other kids - some will take, some will cry when it is taken - you have many, many ways of showing and teaching the lessons that little ones learn.... we had no family or friends with little ones, so for proper interaction with the full range of behaviour it was invaluable....

Pancakeflipper · 01/08/2012 08:44

YANBU if you don't like them. Lots of ways to meet people, socialise etc. They are not everyone and each group is different.

For me they were brill as I moved to a new place just before getting pregnant with DS1. No mates, no family. I was lucky to meet a great set of mums at our toddler groups and that really helped me not be lonely, have my child have fun and meet other kids etc. Lots of happy times.

AThingInYourLife · 01/08/2012 08:45

A 10 month old will get nothing out of toddler group.

At that age they are for the mothers, so if you don't enjoy it, don't bother.

DD3 will be going at 2 months old when they start again, because I love them and have met lots of people through them.

DD2 will be happy to go back at 2.7, she loves it.

maillotjaune · 01/08/2012 08:45

I took DS1 when he was 6 months but it was for me - he starting enjoying them once he could crawl as there was more floor than at home.

They only really play alongside each other when very young.

If you have a few near you try them out and you might find one you like. If not, go to the park instead.

pumpkinsweetie · 01/08/2012 08:47

Yanbu, mum & toddler groups are so clickey and tbh i found them rather boring.

MarzipanAnimal · 01/08/2012 08:52

I don't how people survive without going to toddler groups! Do you just stay at home and play with your babies all day? DS and I would both go mental if we did that!
Only go if you enjoy it though, some groups are better than others. I have 2 lovely groups I go to where I can ignore DS for an hour or so while he plays happily with all the exciting toys and I drink tea, eat cake and chat to my friends. Beats staying at home with him whinging cos he's bored.

TheOldestCat · 01/08/2012 08:55

I never went but that's mainly because I was working full time with DC1 and since going part time with DC2, I made friends with other parents through nursery and my childminder.

Lots of people I know made good friends (with other parents) through groups so if that's your aim, go for it. Otherwise, I'm not sure it will matter until your baby is older.

Pascha · 01/08/2012 09:00

I didn't really see the point of them til DS was past one. Then it became invaluable as a place where he could run around and play in a safe environment while I got a drink and a piece of cake and had a chat (and kept an eye, obv). They are not my favourite places but they are his, I think.

CouthyMow · 01/08/2012 09:01

Ugh! Mother and toddler groups, AKA the seventh circle of hell. I am just about to start taking DS3, 18mo after the Holidays. I bloody HATE M&T group. The ones near me are full of mums that sit on the chairs nattering while 4yo little Johnny beats the crap out of someone's 15mo.

I am trying to find a tumble tots instead. But I am grudgingly admitting defeat and taking him in September. It's an hour and a half, once a week. I'm just going to grit my teeth and bear it for a year, until DS3 starts pre-school.

alittlebitcountry · 01/08/2012 09:07

YANBU, I took DD to lots but they're not everyone's cup of tea.
As other posters have said, a lot of it was for my benefit, it was good to have a specific activity to leave the house for, and not just mooch around spending money I didn't have.
I needed some ideas on how to entertain a baby once she got to a fewmonths.
I think DD got plenty out of them, particularly any with music. She wasn't bothered about playing with other babies but different toys and adults were always fascinating.

bleedingheart · 01/08/2012 09:09

My DS screams all the way through organised activities (or rather he would if I didn't scoop him up and leave red-faced), so I avoid. He loves music, dancing, playing and climbing but not in a M&T setting. It's hard because I would love to make friends with some people with children. I am incredibly lonely. But I also can't let him get distressed like this for my own benefit.

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