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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not be taking my baby to mother and baby groups?

61 replies

newmummytobe79 · 01/08/2012 08:23

I did in the first couple of months, but I guess baby was too young to know what was going on! I didn't really enjoy it ... and to be honest, I was just too knackered to be bothered chatting with the other competitive mums and would rather spend the time with family/friends.

Baby is now 10 months old and spends time with friends kids and young relatives every few weeks. My MIL (and her friend has said the same so I guess it's been discussed when I'm not there!) has mentioned toddler groups a few times to me know and I'm starting to wonder if I'm denying my baby playmates?

My baby is very sociable with adults, but admittedly does look at kids when we're in the supermarket etc and waves at them!

I'm planning on going to a baby music class in the next few weeks as my baby loves to dance. Is this going to be enough to stimulate or are those babies already in childcare/attending lots of classes going to be 'ahead' when it comes to pre-school time?

First time mum so really not sure what's best so any advice would be great thanks!

OP posts:

ByTheWay1 · 01/08/2012 16:09

holyfishnets I totally agree

I also think that kids having unstructured play time together is important - they learn to entertain themselves with whatever/whoever happens to be there - there are not the same faces every week, they can't have the same toy every week...... ok at 10 months this is not important, but when they get to 2 having the ability to play independently is a great thing!

OhDearNigel · 01/08/2012 17:19

I never went to any of those stupid things. I'm not keen on "organised fun" and had no desire to "bond" with other Mums over how to deal with colic or who was up most in the night. I couldn't think of anything more boring

WipsGlitter · 01/08/2012 22:16

I'm amazed at the number of people saying they are cliquey. I went to one where the women running it were a bit "off" but the other parents were really friendly.

MamaMary · 01/08/2012 22:18

Don't worry - at that age they don't play with each other.

YouOldSlag · 02/08/2012 07:42

I'm amazed at the number of people saying they are cliquey

Why is that amazing?

AThingInYourLife · 02/08/2012 08:12

I'm not keen on "organised fun"

I love how people think not liking toddler groups means they are some kind of free spirit.

It's a bigger space than your living room for toddlers to run around in and play with toys they don't have and other children.

There are other parents there to talk to and maybe a cup if tea and a biscuit.

Not going is not a moral choice, it says nothing good or bad about you as a person.

It really doesn't matter.

Finding something boring isn't a badge of honour.

no desire to "bond" with other Mums over how to deal with colic or who was up most in the night.

And yet here you are, a regular on an online forum called Mumsnet, full of mainly women talking about those kinds of things.

WipsGlitter · 02/08/2012 08:20

youoldslag because that has never been my experience, yet from many posts on this thread and on other similar threads people always say they are cliquey.

YouOldSlag · 02/08/2012 08:35

It was certainly my experience Wips, so I'm not amazed at all, I think you've been lucky so far.

I went to three and found them all horribly cliquey and felt like I was being watched/talked about/judged, so after a few more tries, didn't go again.

moajab · 02/08/2012 09:40

I have been to loads of toddler groups - some I've not enjoyed and some where I've made great friends. I think you find a good mix of parents there, including many normal, down to earth ones. It's not all cliquy, competitive types. You don't have to discuss colic. Being a mum might be the major thing you have in common with the other mums, but you may well find you have other things in common.
There's no right age to start going, but I've found that mine have benefitted from quite an early age. Even as babies they liked watching other children and enjoyed their company. It's all much more noisy and busy than at home, so an added bonus for me was that it wore them out and meant that they slept afterwards or went to bed earlier at night (depending on age!) I believe it's also beneficial to the immune system to mix with other children from an early age.
It's worth trying a few groups to find one you like. Also sticking with a group for a few weeks. Friendships can take time to grow. I've never felt really comfortable on a first visit. But as I've got to know people I've enjoyed them more and more.

museliqueen · 02/08/2012 21:31

Oh what tosh! 10 months old don't need the stimulation of other children! They can only parallel play at this age. Anyone who says that babies need to go to nursery etc for socialisation or any other such reason has been duped. Read Steve Biddulph. Did I really read above that your DC waving to others means she needs more stimulation?! No, it means your DC is an interested, lovely little girl. No more.

OP go if you like, don't if you don't.

Purpleprickles · 03/08/2012 09:54

Museli I think the previous poster implied that the OP's dc might enjoy other children's company because she was waving at them in the supermarket. Not that she was in need of simulation. I'm sure you'll correct me if I'm wrong but I can't recall Biddulph saying that young children don't need to socialise only that they are better staying with their mothers or a family member rather than going to Nursery? But I have only read Raising Boys so maybe this is in another book?

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