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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell her I know they fired her?

74 replies

JessieMcJessie · 31/07/2012 13:12

My dept at work has one boss and I am his right hand woman- he often discusses things with me despite my not officially being in a management role vis a vis our more junior team members (I'm up for promotion very shortly). So far, so good.

We'd been having performance issues with one woman, so boss asked if I'd take her out to lunch to try to get to the bottom of why she wasn't coming up to scratch, particularly as he'd had to be quite harsh with her and their communication was deteriorating. So I arranged that for Thursday.

Then today she did something that was the straw that broke the camel's back for him, so he have her her notice. However he told her it would be totally confidential and nobody else in the team would know, so she could just pretend she had found another job. And now I have to go ahead with the lunch (which I described as being so I could have a chat about how she was getting on generally, as seniors are supposed to do that for juniors anyway). If I cancel she'll know that I know, but it's going to be a total charade. It would be totally U to tell her I know, wouldn't it?

OP posts:

EllenParsons · 31/07/2012 13:13

Hm that is a bit awkward! Maybe you should just check with your boss about you should handle it? Hope it goes okay!

UKSky · 31/07/2012 13:15

Yes it would be completely U. You were told in confidence by your boss and it is not your place to mention this at all.

Rather than cancel the lunch why not "postpone" it for a week an give a plausible excuse.

Or will she have told everyone that she is leaving? I assume she is not working her notice so may not be there anyway.

WorraLiberty · 31/07/2012 13:16

Tell your boss to cancel it

weblette · 31/07/2012 13:16

Don't cancel, he shouldn't have told you, it's a breach of her confidentiality.
Let her have a dignified exit and keep the lunch date.

HighJumpingHissy · 31/07/2012 13:17

I think you have to postpone until next week, and I agree, you absolutely can't tell her you know what you know. There is no benefit for her to think otherwise. Allow her SOME dignity.

LaBelleDamesansTurkey · 31/07/2012 13:18

Your boss is not treating you fairly to put you in this position.

WorraLiberty · 31/07/2012 13:18

It's a waste of company money though isn't it?

Why doesn't the boss just cancel it?

thisisyesterday · 31/07/2012 13:18

well, if she is leaving immediately then it won't be a problem will it?

you don't need a chat about "how she is getting on" if she is leaving, and she won't expect one either

YusMilady · 31/07/2012 13:19

Your boss sounds like an arse, frankly. You shouldn't be implicated like this in personnel issues that don't concern you.

Pandemoniaa · 31/07/2012 13:19

You ask your boss what he thinks is appropriate. Only it sounds as if the whole purpose of the lunch is now irrelevant and it isn't fair for you to sit through a total charade. Or let it be known that, despite his promise of confidentiality, you know that she's been given her notice.

GetOrfMoiRing · 31/07/2012 13:19

I would white lie and say you have to go to some essential meeting, can you have your lunch next Thursdau or something.

You should absolutely not say that you know she has been fired, your boss is unprofessional to have told you that.

Likesshinythings · 31/07/2012 13:21

If I were you I'd have a chat with your boss and ask his view. He may actually prefer for you to cancel the lunch. If he wants you to go ahead with the lunch then I would agree with him what your response should be if the woman a) tells you that she's been fired and/or b) asks if you already knew.
Definitely don't just come out and tell her that you know she's been fired - could open all sorts of cans of worms!

Borntobeamum · 31/07/2012 13:22

She probably wont feel like meeting anyone so may cancel anyway.

Original poster

JessieMcJessie · 31/07/2012 13:24

I did- he told me to pretend I didn't know (because otherwise he has broken his promise to her). Guess that's my answer, because if I tell her I know, no guarantee she won't have a go at him for breaking the promise, and then he'll just be pissed off at me. So this is less an AIBU, more just a rant at my boss!

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiRing · 31/07/2012 13:26

Your boss should have kepy his promise to her - he has put you in an awkward spot.

Plus his asking you to find out wht she wasn't performing - well, that is his job.

I hope you get your promotion after doing lazy bollocks's donkey work .

YusMilady · 31/07/2012 13:27

If I thought my boss was talking about my performance with some 'unofficial right hand woman' I would go fucking ballistic. It's so unprofessional.

Does he often get you to do his dirty work OP? Does he use the promise of promotion to get you to do stuff you feel ambivalent about?

GetOrfMoiRing · 31/07/2012 13:29

It is crap when bosses dangle a carrot of promotion in order to get someone to do an 'unofficial' role.

I would ask about that promotion, OP.

I agree with yus.

leguminous · 31/07/2012 13:30

Yeah, there's really no way you can tell her. She'll be upset, and boss'll potentially be pissed off with you if he finds out. He really shouldn't have let that slip to you, having promised her confidentiality! What a pillock. Now that he has, though, I think you'd better just go and put up with the awkwardness - though if you can come up with a plausible excuse to put it off then that would probably be ideal. She'll be dreading it even more than you, I'm sure.

PetiteRaleuse · 31/07/2012 13:33

Your boss sounds like a bit of a tosser. I used to have a boss that told me heaps of confidential information, and referred to me as his right hand woman - it's a horrible position to be in. If you can't trust him to keep stuff confidential then you can't trust him re promised pay rises / promotions

You shouldn't let on you know. Talk about something else, or be a shoulder to cry on if she brings up the subject herself.

Birdsgottafly · 31/07/2012 13:35

It is up to your boss how this is handled, you cannot take this decision upon yourself.

She may have cause to complain, otherwise.

Thumbwitch · 31/07/2012 13:35

Your boss shouldn't have put you in that invidious position.

Go on the lunch, if you can't get out of it beforehand by claming an emergency meeting that has just come up and then see if you can sort out someone to phone you with an emergency halfway through or something, before you get down to the "business" part of the lunch, iyswim.

MooncupGoddess · 31/07/2012 13:37

How annoying. Can you claim a work crisis and reschedule?

Original poster

JessieMcJessie · 31/07/2012 13:38

Mmm, I am sure that cancelling will just be a massive red flag that he told me, so am just going to have to go through with it. She's working 2 months' notice apparently. Thing is she reports to me on certain cases, even though I don't have a role in hiring and firing, so it was legitimate for me as well as him to understand why she was having problems.

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiRing · 31/07/2012 13:40

If she is on 2 months you will definitely have to go to the lunch - to do anything else wouldn't be fair on you or your colleague.

Your boss needs a kick up the arse.

PetiteRaleuse · 31/07/2012 13:42

She's having to work the notice period when she has been fired? Why would you ask someone to do that? Is that normal over there? I woul dhave though if you fired someone the kindest thing to do would be to let them go immediately on gardening leave. She's hardly going to be motivated to do a good job for the next two months.

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