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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell her I know they fired her?

74 replies

JessieMcJessie · 31/07/2012 13:12

My dept at work has one boss and I am his right hand woman- he often discusses things with me despite my not officially being in a management role vis a vis our more junior team members (I'm up for promotion very shortly). So far, so good.

We'd been having performance issues with one woman, so boss asked if I'd take her out to lunch to try to get to the bottom of why she wasn't coming up to scratch, particularly as he'd had to be quite harsh with her and their communication was deteriorating. So I arranged that for Thursday.

Then today she did something that was the straw that broke the camel's back for him, so he have her her notice. However he told her it would be totally confidential and nobody else in the team would know, so she could just pretend she had found another job. And now I have to go ahead with the lunch (which I described as being so I could have a chat about how she was getting on generally, as seniors are supposed to do that for juniors anyway). If I cancel she'll know that I know, but it's going to be a total charade. It would be totally U to tell her I know, wouldn't it?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/07/2012 14:42

OP... you could find yourself in the same position very quickly. Your 'boss' sounds unprofessional and unable to manage people. You might be flavour of the month now... next month not so much. I certainly wouldn't primp my feathers at the thought of being 'a right hand woman' to somebody like that.

ViviPru · 31/07/2012 14:49

That's a good point GetOrf. I didn't think of that.

Although at all the crappy, small, family run, unprofessional two bit companies I've worked for previously, this kind of situation was the norm. None of the proper HR procedure wfhmumoftwo and suntgirl describe. All clandestine chats, hearsay, unofficial 'right hand women' and weird notice periods. Nothing would surprise me.

carycach · 31/07/2012 15:03

Ate you sure your boss is telling you the truth? I find it very unlikely from what you've said about her working notice.

AKMD · 31/07/2012 15:05

Your manager has been extremely unprofessional to gossip about personnel matters with you. It doesn't sound as though you are a PA, just someone who has been there longer than the other team members. This kind of set-up makes other members if the so-called team cross, demotivated and lose respect for the gossipers and if I were you I'd be looking for a new job.

GetOrfMoiRing · 31/07/2012 16:29

Poor OP - I hope you don't think we are slagging off your job and boss.

But these unofficial right hand woman positions - they are often a way for a weak and duplicitous manager to get someone else to do his menial tasks by means of flattery and promises. Be careful.

BarredfromhavingStella · 31/07/2012 16:32

How unprofessional of your boss, disgusting behaviour-he shouldn't be sharing this information with you.

bumperella · 31/07/2012 19:08

Your boss is an absolute arse. Be very careful of her.

I worked somewhere where someone was sacked and made to work 3 mnths notice for fear of a bad reference. I felt incredibly sorry for the guy; it was meant to be "confidential" but everyone knew. I imagine he'd have a case against the company - bad enough to fire, but good enough to work a 3-month notice period? A receptionist was also sacked and made to work 3 mnths notice in return for a reference.

if you tell employee what you know then you put yourself in a v difficult position. Depends if you feel the sacked deserved it; if you do then kinder to leave her some dignity and don't let on that you know. If you feel strongly that she should've been made redundant then it becvomes a whole lot more difficult.

DappyHays · 31/07/2012 19:12

Gee whizz, it is like an episode of the Office, vis a vis the vis a vis Grin

Act ignorant.

squeakytoy · 31/07/2012 19:13

I have never, in all my time of working in payroll, known someone be fired, and then given two months notice. No company I have worked for would have allowed that, other than in the form of garden leave, as it puts a massive risk on the company by having a disgruntled employee still working there.

carycach · 31/07/2012 19:24

i don't get the reference thing.he'll have to tell any potential employer the truth or else decline to give a reference.In the mean time in 2 months i would have thought she could do a lot of harm to the company if she is the malicious type.

TalHotBrunette · 31/07/2012 20:38

Sounds like a very unprofessional organisation to me.

You've got no reason to waste your own or the other employee's time by going through with the meeting op, I would "postpone" it for a plausible reason and not mention it again.

MamaMumra · 31/07/2012 20:41

Your boss sounds v unprofessional

VolAuVent · 31/07/2012 20:59

Tell her something's come up and you'll be in touch at a later date to reschedule.

Not fair at all of your boss BTW.

Thumbwitch · 31/07/2012 21:24

Re. the notice - if your boss has decided to let it look as though she has chosen to leave, then working her notice makes perfect sense. If he has "let her go" because she doesn't suit the company/role/situation, and isn't a direct threat to the company, then working her notice to save face isn't going to be a massive problem and in fact may be seen as quite a kind thing to do, to give her time to find another job.

The only mistake the boss appears to have made is in telling you, the OP, something he promised he wouldn't.

mynewpassion · 31/07/2012 21:39

OP, why do you have to tell her anything? Pretending ignorance and having polite conversation isn't a hard thing to do. Its only lunch. One hour at most.

And, if you told her you know she was fired, you and your boss will be in deep shit. More so your boss than you, of course. Confidentiality.

ShellyBoobs · 31/07/2012 23:48

If she's been fired she should be gone. Now.

This all just sounds utterly bonkers and amateurish to me. There's just no integrity whatsoever in the goings on you've described, OP.

Someone else mentioned 'The Office' but I was already going to ask if your boss is David Brent himself..?

Only people with management responsibility for an employee should be party to the ins and outs of their employment status, unless the employee chooses to share the details with others.

If you aren't working in an officially recognised supervisory or more senior role, which others in the department are aware of, you shouldn't be put in the this terrible position your 'boss' has caused to arise.

Your boss simply cannot treat people - either you or the sacked one - like this and I strongly suggest you tell him that you're uncomfortable with these goings on and want no further part in it. It can only make things difficult for you if you continue like this.

If any of this went on in my department, instigated by me or managers who report to me, the HR director would 'hand me my ass in a sling'!*

*It's an American business so 'ass in a sling' is an acceptable term. Wink

DontmindifIdo · 01/08/2012 16:00

It's normal for people who are under performing to be given a chance to resign when it's made clear they are going through the proceedures to fire someone - normally it's when you are at the written notice stage being told that your performace will be reviewed again in 2 weeks time (for example) - the expectation is that you know that at the end of those 2 weeks you will be fired, however they will have gone through the proceedure so can't be done for wrongful dismissal (most places the disiplinary proceedure is that you can't be fired and escorted off the premises unless you've done something really bad, just being a bit shit isn't good enough reason).

Most people understand that once they are at the written warning stage they are out of the door soon so take the opportunity to resign so they aren't sacked. They then have to work their notice (although some nice places will let them go on 'gardening leave' earlier).

It's an easy way for a company to get rid of an underperforming not but disasterous employee and for an employee to get out without having to say "I was fired" they can make up any excuse the like for why they left to the next place.

So she probably hasn't been fired, she was probably told she would be fired so resigned. So act like you dont know she was probably about to be pushed and pretend you just think she jumped.

BsshBossh · 01/08/2012 19:58

But DontmindifIdo even if a person in this situation resigns in the face of a written warning, won't that written warning have to be declared in any future reference? Or is that only once the first disciplinary hearing has taken place.

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 02/08/2012 07:36

Well, I didn't cancel the lunch. General chit chat to begin with and then I asked her how the flat-hunting was going and she said "oh, you've probably heard, I'm leaving". I lied that I hadn't, and she went on to say how she felt the job was not a good fit for her so she'd resolved to find something that suited her skills better. We then had a good chat about the aspects of her/my current job that can be difficult, under the guise of helping her work out what the '"more suitable" job description would be. I gave her a bit of advice from my own career experience. She then asked me not to tell the Boss that she had told me she was leaving - WTF? I have no idea why she cares about this. Anyway from my point of view we can now work towards handover of the projects she was doing with me and I have offered jobseeking advice if she wants it. She and Boss can get on with the rest of the details between themselves and next time he comes into my office and shuts the door I am going to put my hands over my ears and say "Not listening till you promote me".

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 02/08/2012 07:50

Well done Jessie! NIcely handled, glad she was open enough to tell you she was leaving, made it a lot easier. :)

(Good idea re. the boss too! Grin)

DollyTwat · 02/08/2012 08:04

Hmm thats strange op
Was he having an affair with her?

carycach · 02/08/2012 11:09

I thought that too Dolly

VolAuVent · 02/08/2012 11:40

I think the boss may have told her one thing and you another. He certainly seems to have asked her not to say she was leaving.

sancerreity · 03/08/2012 19:42

I smell a rat.Your boss is lying.

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