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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be very disappointed with my brother and sister's reaction to DV in the street

58 replies

terter · 30/07/2012 14:28

I went out for lunch with my brother and sister this lunchtime, we were sat outside and midway through it, a man was dragging his girlfriend/partner/wife through the street by her hair whilst shouting abuse at her. I saw it and said we should go over and help her but my brother said "no chance look at the size of him" and my sister agreed with him saying that you'd have to me mad to go and talk to him. I then said we should at least call the police and my brother disagreed saying that it's best no to interfere in other people's lives and my sister then chirped that we don't know the backstory and we don't know what she'd done Shock .

I'm really disappointed and annoyed with them both I quickly finished up and settled the bill and they wanted to go on to another bar for a drink but I went home instead as I'm fuming with them. AIBU?

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 30/07/2012 14:29

So what did you do then?

TequilaMockinBird · 30/07/2012 14:29

Why didn't you call the police?

DozyDuck · 30/07/2012 14:29

Why didn't you ring the police?

DozyDuck · 30/07/2012 14:29

X post tequila

LoopyLoopsHasAnAdventure · 30/07/2012 14:30

What the others asked

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2012 14:31

So you didn't ring the Police and you've got the cheek to moan about them? Hmm

Original poster
terter · 30/07/2012 14:31

Sorry I totally missed out that I did phone the police

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsHasAnAdventure · 30/07/2012 14:32

ps I've been in the same situation twice - friends (including men) wouldn't get involved. Both times I did, both times man left woman alone. I know calling the police is the safer option and really it could have been very dangerous, so it was silly really, but sometimes instinct takes over.

MrsHelsBels74 · 30/07/2012 14:32

I can understand people's reluctance to directly get involved, but I don't understand why none of you rang the police?

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2012 14:33

Indeed you did totally miss that out....

Vinomum · 30/07/2012 14:33

I'm no expert in how to deal with DV, perhaps your brother and sister were right not to interfere. You seem to think it was wrong to ignore it, but then ignored it yourself. Sounds like pots calling kettles black to me.

MrsKeithRichards · 30/07/2012 14:34

My dh stepped in once when he witnessed a man pushing his partner a bus stop. She slapped my dh. He left them to it.

Vinomum · 30/07/2012 14:36

Bit convenient that you 'remembered' that you did actually phone the police after everyone on here slates you for ignoring it, call me a sceptic but Hmm.

MrsHelsBels74 · 30/07/2012 14:36

Ah cross posts, ignore me then!

Thumbwitch · 30/07/2012 14:36

Well I'm jolly glad you did phone the police and I hope they did something!

Yes, your brother and sister's attitudes were sadly typical of many people today, who won't interfere or care about anyone outside of their own skins. There is NOTHING that woman could have done that would justify him dragging her along by her hair, NOTHING.

retyba · 30/07/2012 14:37

YANBU shocking attitudes

Kellamity · 30/07/2012 14:38

Vinomum - you are a sceptic!

Well done for doing something about it! You DB and SIL reaction was very Sad

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/07/2012 14:39

YABU.

It's easy for you as a woman to say that you shudo have gone over and done something, but even though this man was obviously abusing his own woman, he is unlikely to do it you you. If he'd decided to turn, it would have been your brother that got hit, not you.

You did the right thing by calling the police, but I think it's ok to not want to interfere in cases of DV. The woman is capable of calling the police herself at some point if she wants to, and if she doesn't want to then she will just do the classic thing of backing up her boyfriend/partner/husband anyway.

ailoun · 30/07/2012 14:40

YABU to expect them to physically intervene, the man was clearly violent and trying to do something yourself puts you in danger.

YANBU about the refusal to call the police although I'm glad you did.

ailoun · 30/07/2012 14:42

Was it a liquid lunch? if they'd had a few to drink then they might have clouded their judgement/opinions?

Lovemy3kids · 30/07/2012 14:43

If I saw this happening I would call the police immediately and not get involved. It is sad nowadays that you cannot invtervene, but you just never know nowadays. There have been cases where the person that has tried to intervene and help out has come away worse off (anyone remeber the grandfather who got stabbed for asking a fellow diner if their baby was ok as she was crying?!?). As long as you contacted the police, I feel that you did the right thing (though you should have stated that you did this in your original posting)

StuntGirl · 30/07/2012 14:44

I've witnessed it in the street a few times, every time I've called the police.

Once some bloke pushed the pram out of this woman's hands, threw her to the floor and sat on top of her punching her repeatedly in the head with both fists. It was outside a pub and across the road from the bus station, very busy with lots of people and not one person went to help. People were literally walking around them. The only people with mobiles out were filming it :(

oliup · 30/07/2012 14:46

YABU I wouldn't risk going ending up in a brawl with a man who has already demonstrated he is violent, although I would call the police

glastocat · 30/07/2012 14:48

My husband tried to break up a fight like this once and got headbutted, breaking his teeth. At least it wasn't a knife. I'm afraid aside from calling the cops, I would be very reluctant to get involved.

niujlo · 30/07/2012 14:49

Its just representative of many people's views on domestic violence, doesn't make it right mind