following on from 'loud parentig' Overpraising AIBU to find this grating ..

[carycach]

'gooood waiting', 'goood standing' 'good lying down' adressed to little Tarquin so he doesn't experience any interruption to a non-stop stream of praise.

Interesting. I was on a child protection course, from 0-18 the average child hears 120,000 negative comments (dont do this/dont touch that) and only 10,000 positive ones.

YABU.

Maybe little Tarquin is actually a bit of a terror & parents have been advised by MNetters to praise every bit of positive behaviour that they see?

YABU - I always try to praise good behaviour. Although sometimes I forget and have a stream of praise to make up for it Very easy to spend whole time telling DCs not to do things and then just ignoring/accepting as normal/thanking the lord but not the DCs for good behaviour, I find.

YABU.

I was shamefully one of those don't touch/ don't do parents

DS is nearly 8yo now and so too old for 'good' etc but I have found thanking him for listening, playing nicely so I can talk to friends in peace especially when other dc's are being disruptive so he knows I have noticed has turned him into a boy who likes to do things for others as he knows they are appreciated.

Although not sure if it was such a good thing that the other day when at Country Park he moved off the wooden walkway for a couple to go past and they didn't thank him for waiting he looked up and said "excuse me, but you didn't say thankyou"

I don't mind praise for things like good reading/talking/waiting patiently/playing nicely. It's good to boost you child's esteem/self-confidence. What I don't like much is appraisal for the benefit of other parents rather than the child e.g - "Oh Leopold! EXCELLENT COUNTING TO TEN IN SWAHILI! Your tutor WILL BE SO PLEASED!"

I always thought that praising good behaviour was one of the hallmarks of good parenting. I do understand why you might find it a bit grating but I think overall YABU

Bumpcakes - good example of how this can be annoying.

YABU, but I suspect you won't be convinced.

I try to severely outweigh my negative comments with heaps more positive comments, and my two pre-schoolers bask in the paise and thank me for it as well. Their self-esteem is just where it should be, and they're both reslly good kids - what with always getting such positive recognition for doing good things.

It's such an effective, easy way to parent and get good results. Why wouldn't you do it?!

I know what you mean. I only praised DS for things I was impressed by, ie when it came naturally to me. This constant praise for simply doing normal things just seems a bit put on and I wonder if the child even notices after a while.

oh you'd've loved me OP - good listening, good talking, good watching, good eating, good standing, good walking ... hell I'd've done good breathing if it would have helped

If you were very observant you might have noticed that I was signing the whole time too & that ds had/s pretty significant developmental disabilities but you could easily have missed it.

My overpraising (& that of his tutors) formed part of an eyewateringly expensive early intervention programme (ABA) that has offered ds the chance to one day live independently, to talk & eat & dress himself. Praise needs to be immediate & specific.

You're better off using praise rather than punishment to change behaviour.

"This constant praise for simply doing normal things ..."

for a child like mine walking, talking, looking, listening are incredibly impressive & in no-way normal. You might see me or his therapists slipping him the occasional chocolate button for good stopping! He got a fabulous Lego set for good sitting in the hairdresser last week :)

Ds (2) was a terror at the start of the year. I was advised to praise all good behaviour (hadn't thought to do this myself). He's a different child. I won't apologise for telling the little guy that he's behaving nicely.

The reason a lot of (especially young) children misbehave is simply to get attention. Even if it's negative attention, it's better than no attention at all.

Give them heaps of positive attention in the form of praise and they don't need to play up to get negative attention.

Plus, getting recognition for doing good things, or even for doing bog-standard things well, means they repeat, repeat, repeat. Seriously - it's so simple and effective. OP - maybe you need to do it more?

I praise A LOT. I think it comes from my dog training background :o

yabu

Fair enough phlebas, although as you can't take so much for granted, I guess a lot of the praise will sound a lot more natural anyway.

When I come into contact with parents who don't praise and encourage their kids, but constantly criticise them instead (thankfully not too often but it does happen), I feel so sad for the wee ones.

Yes praising might be OTT sometimes (esp if child is recovering from some not so great behaviour and trying really hard) But it is way way way more preferable to some of the nastiness I heard parents saying to young children - half the time I doubt they even know just how awful the things they are saying to these kids are.

EG. 3yo blowing bubbles, tips out bubble mixture - followed by 10 minute diatribe of "you stupid stupid girl" "what a stupid child, what a naughty stupid thing to do" etc etc :( FFS IT'S 50p of BUBBLE MIXTURE - LISTEN TO YOURSELVES!!!

On the positive side I have praised DD 4yo constantly and we can now (for example) go pretty much anywhere with her on her scooter - she will pay attention, stop one lamppost ahead, stop well before roads and wait, get off and walk the scooter in shops without being asked, stick close to me on busy pavements etc etc - all as the result of praise (and a bit of loud parenting). It makes life easier for everyone.

YABU
My sn dd has a large number of behavioural issues, so if she does one thing "right" regardless of what it is or where we are I will praise her loudly HI so allowed to do it loudly
Also a good proactive way of reinforcing wanted behaviour and teaching language skills.

I would rather here a child being praised than criticised, so I think YABU.

hear*

oh I haven't even mentioned good poo-ing & the 'good poo-ing chart' that's another one!

Hello Raspberrysorbet! ABA is incredible isn't it? Really changes lives :) I ABA all my children, it's second nature now.

YABU, it is way less annoying than constant 'don't do thats'. Though must admit I'm slightly embarassed that DD (2) has started to retaliate with the occasional 'Good sitting Mummy' when I allow her up on my knee, or 'That's nice' when I turn on Cbeebies.