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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that children as young as five

145 replies

MammaTJ · 28/07/2012 21:23

should not be running around the streets at this time of night!!

That is all really. Load of kids making a racket outside my house. DD age 6 and DS age 5 in bed, sound asleep. Why are the running around?

OP posts:
CouthyMow · 29/07/2012 01:06

How is being able to doss with your mates for 9-10 hours a day being restrictive?!

I honestly don't see what the issue is with DD having to be in at 6.30pm. She goes out at between 9-9.30am. Do they REALLY need to spend time together in the dark to bond any further?! Are they vampires?!

Inneedofbrandy · 29/07/2012 01:10

14 is not a young teenager, when I think of the things I got up to at 14..

Summer holidays curfew was off and was a when its dark let me no where you are kind of thing. Have to love my mum for letting me be independent.

Couthy thats how you parent, you do not seem to be in the majority of what I would consider normal but hey good luck to you I couldnt be arsed to play board games every single night I would want my kids out from under my feet.

HeadfirstForRomance · 29/07/2012 01:10

Couthy I have a 6 year old and an 8 year old with autism. The summer holidays are a massive break to routine anyway, mine have trouble getting to sleep (often find ds1 (8) awake reading his road atlas at gone midnight) and I find if they've been out on the front on their bikes or on the trampoline until later they sleep better.

Plus I try to (gently) encourage them to break routine (so long as it doesn't cause too much distress, as they need to be able to deal with what that entails as they get older and I want to help them learn the skills to do so.

Inneedofbrandy · 29/07/2012 01:11

What teenage girl is up and dressed and out by 9:30 Hmm what about sleep?

CouthyMow · 29/07/2012 01:16

All of DD's friends are, so she is up and out of bed through choice now, as they kept knocking while she was in her PJ's.

She goes to BED later at weekends and in the holidays, she just doesn't stay OUT later. Though school days it's in at 6 so she can do her homework. So I guess it IS a bit later weekends and holidays.

She doesn't go to bed till late though. She enjoys getting to spend 1-2-1 time with me when her siblings are in bed.

CouthyMow · 29/07/2012 01:17

We enjoy board games. In fact it's usually DD with one in hand asking ME. Even when I would prefer sitting on my arse a lazy evening...

CouthyMow · 29/07/2012 01:20

Some nights she will watch a DVD after getting in instead, or will play a game with one of her brothers. Or build Lego models. Or ask me random quiz questions about Justin bloodyBieber that I am expected to know the answers to.

HeadfirstForRomance · 29/07/2012 01:20

I have to say all 4 of mine love to play board games with us, our eldest is almost 10, I don't know if that will change as she gets older!

Hownoobrooncoo · 29/07/2012 01:21

Couthy - you have just been very judgemental about parents who don't parent as you do. Sure you even used 'proper parenting' or such several times in description of your style of parenting. You never commented on the point I raised on if you go on holiday - do you keep the same routine? You do realise that in many countries and cultures it's very common to see families out socialising or shopping quite late at night, is this not proper?

CouthyMow · 29/07/2012 08:09

Hownow, I haven't had a holiday for 8 years, so tbh I can't answer that one. I admit, I don't think it is right to let a 14yo (or even younger DC) run around outside at night disturbing other people.

I just see it as being considerate to others, who might not want to hear my DC's after a certain point at night.

If DD had EVER asked to stay out later, there would be more of an argument for me being 'restrictive', but as she hasn't, and she knows that any sensible request spoken about rather than shouted or whined would be discussed and considered, I don't see how it can be so wrong.

She doesn't want to be out on her own anyway. Some of her best friends ate a set of twins very young for her school year, they aren't yet 14, and until the start of the summer holidays, they had to be in at 5pm, weekends and holidays. When she was out with them, DD would come in at 5.15, rather than be on her own. Through choice. When she didn't have to be in till 6.30.

They are now allowed out till the same time as DD.

DD HAS been to the occasional party or meal out that has gone on later, for birthdays and stuff, but that isn't unsupervised, and that is for a special occasion.

When she does talk to me about wanting to stay out later, then I will compromise on somewhere between when I would like her to be in, and when she would like to come in.

I admit it might seem a bit old fashioned, the way I parent, but it suits my family. And I DO get a bit cats-bum face about other people's DC's out till god knows when, shouting and screaming and keeping my DC's awake. They could at least have been taught to have consideration for their neighbours.

And anyway, my Tenancy states no noise after 9pm. So the least people could do is stick to that. All the people down my street signed the same tenancy.

(Wants to live in the middle of nowhere and have peace and bloody quiet)

CouthyMow · 29/07/2012 08:14

I wouldn't know about other cultures, last time I went abroad it was to France, and all the DC's I saw then were sat at tables with the adults, rather than running around shouting, but I accept my memories may have dulled in over 8 years since that holiday!

CouthyMow · 29/07/2012 08:24

It's more the disturbance of other people's lives that bothers me. I see it as rude and inconsiderate to only see what affects your family, and not see that you might be disrupting others with letting your DC's play out till late.

What is wrong with spending a few quiet hours with your family, winding down at the end of a day. My DC's enjoy it. In fact, when DS1 has to spend a week at his dads, where they don't make time in the evening for games etc, he doesn't like it, he doesn't like the fact that there is no time shared as a family.

I know not everyone would choose to do what I do, I just wish that those who DO let their DC's out to play late in the summer would teach their DC's not to disturb other people.

It works (at the moment) for my family. But last night, my next door neighbour's teenager was outside screeching on the trampoline until after 11pm, and it meant that my 18mo toddler was kept awake until then, and got very grizzly and overtired. Of COURSE that is going to piss me off. And it is every night through the entire 6 weeks' holiday. I get fed up with it. Loud music till all hours, people screeching, I can't even open my windows when it is swelteringly hot because of the noise.

MrsKeithRichards · 29/07/2012 08:52

Oh god I'm thinking about what I was doing at 14 and it involved a packet of cigs, a bottle of cider and the 17 year old who worked in the garage. Fun times! My curfew then was the ten o clock bus.

MrsKeithRichards · 29/07/2012 08:52

17 year old boy.

RubyVaultingGates · 29/07/2012 09:01

The small children round here are up at 9.00 in the evening because it's Ramamdan. They've been sleeping the hot afternoon away and are waiting for their parents to break their fast at sundown. They get up just as I'm trying to get DS2 to sleep, but I don't think they're being unreasonable.

They'll be back up at 3.00ish for a pre-sun-up breakfast and If it's hot they'll spend a few hours up and then go back to sleep for the hottest part of the day.

MammaTJ · 29/07/2012 09:27

I am up.

Reading all this, I have been wondering if I should have let my DCs out when they woke at 6, after all it was daylight! Grin

TBH, I have a couple of very nasty neighbours, so do not let my children out to play here at all. That is the reason I have to entertain them all day. I will not have my children being hurt just for their entertainment.

I do take them out. They have a nice time.

Even if they were allowed out to play round here, they would not be doing so at 9.30 at night. They would not lie in in the morning anyway. They do need their proper sleep.

OP posts:
CouthyMow · 29/07/2012 09:35

I am in agreement, MammaTJ, though it seems we are lone voices!

Peachy · 29/07/2012 09:36

I don't let me 11 year old out that late, tbh DH and I were a bit shocked when he went to stay with a friend over night and they were out playing at 9.30. I didn't think we were very uptight, maybe we are? We like him to be in around 7, .

CouthyMow · 29/07/2012 09:36

Yes, Ruby, but I'm sure that the DC's that are up late for Ramadan aren't running around outside pretending to shoot each other with sticks and yelling and screaming at each other?!

RubyVaultingGates · 29/07/2012 10:01

It certainly sounded like they were Wink

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