To think that children as young as five

[MammaTJ]

should not be running around the streets at this time of night!!

That is all really. Load of kids making a racket outside my house. DD age 6 and DS age 5 in bed, sound asleep. Why are the running around?

Well most teenagers would eat and then go back out to their friends houses or have friends round.

I remember playing out til it got dark in summer. I was the youngest of 4 in our family so I think I was probably younger than 5 when I first did. Of course this was before there were quite so many cars on the road. I can''t imagine letting my DC play out on our road at 5 or any age tbh!

I didn't say ALL, usual. I said DD's FRIENDS also have to be in at a reasonable time. Not one of her friends is allowed out past 6pm, or 6.30. Yes, there are OTHER teenagers allowed out after that, but a) They aren't DD's friends, and b) they are busy getting drunk and stoned. Not exactly the best influence for my DD.

DD is happy to be in at dinner, as are her friends. They are currently planning a train journey to the beach for the end of the holidays. So it's not as if they have NO freedom, it's just we like to spend time with them too.

I think kids of today are wiser to cars than we ever were because there are more of them on the roads.

There were less when I played out during the 70's so we weren't quite as wary of them.

Yes of course all teenagers that are allowed out after 6 are getting drunk and stoned.

righto then.

Argh, clear as mud, aren't I!

At my parents, till 15, similar rules as I have, would have been the same at 16. At FC's, allowed out till 8.30/ 9 for activities.

First time I stayed out past 9 was my 18th birthday.

Fair enough Couthy but you do realise the 14yr old you have now, may not even resemble the 15yr old you intend to make sure comes home by 7.30pm next year, yes?

As long as you know that, I'm sure it'll be fine.

I liked spending time with my teenagers too, I also knew they had to have their own lives.

But if it works for your family thats fine.

Usual, it may not be all, but it is all of the ones I see with my own eyes out after around 7-ish. And so I don't think that is suitable for a 14yo.

And I know that quite a few of her year group ARE out drinking/smoking dope/chasing boys, as DD shows me their posts on fb. And thinks they are daft. Because 'alcohol makes everyone else look like idiots, why would I want to get drunk', and 'Dope just makes people giggly and stupid, how is that fun?'.

Ok, that will probably may change in the future, but DD and her friends aren't yet bothered by having to be in for dinner. When she is, I will chat with her and come to a compromise.

Wrong?

No compromise is good. If her group of friend are as sensible as her I see no reason not to let her see them in the evenings TBH.

Worra, of course I do, DD IS quite 'young' for her age, but I can see the starting of it IYSWIM. I was only a teenager myself cough, cough, 11 years ago.

I know that she WILL want to stay out later at some point, but she isn't ready yet. And I still wouldn't want her to be disturbing others. I managed to have a laugh with my mates while still being considerate towards the people living nearby.

What about if you go on on holiday? My 6 and 9 yr old were generally out and about with us till midnight. Shock horror, some other countries and cultures it's quite common to see families with babies all the way up to teens out socialising late at night. Is that abuse then or not parenting 'proper'.

When I was young we loved nothing better than being out in the summer till it went dark which would have been about 10.30 or maybe more. Maybe it's a class thing, we were all council estate kids. Our freedom was fab and we had so much fun and adventures.

Ah, but usual, surely everyone knows that while one teenager may seem sensible, a group of teens is anything but sensible?!

I remember that much myself!

Some on here are so rigid and uptight you really need to relax a little

ds was running about on Blackheath common at 1230 last night (big screen) and at 10 tonight ar friends BBQ having a wonderful time yes he will be tired tomorrow but really enjoyed himself and had lots of exercise and fresh air

I grew up on a Council estate in Basildon, in the mid-late 80's. We still all had to be in at dinner time. And no way would we have been allowed out after. Any of us. Though I was only 10 then. Then I lived in a well off part of Brentwood, all MC families, and no-one was allowed out after dinner then either. So from council estate to MC cul-de-sac, and still the majority of DC's had to be indoors after dinner.

I didn't think it was that unusual? I thought it was DC being allowed out after dinner that was more unusual.

I grew up in very middle class Wimbledon we were out playing in the summer holidays until 8ish then in neighbours gardens until it got dark it was great to have that freedom wish ds could

It's got nothing to do with so called 'class' and everything to do with the child's circle of friends, how many kids of their age in the street and whether or not the parents have their own 'issues' and don't see how normal and healthy it is to give their kids a bit of freedom and independence imo.

Na, we were often out till well by 10pm and not in our gardens. I still think it would have been more likely to see kids out playing that late on council estates rather then leafy Middle class suburbia. Probably still the case to a degree. We didn't have many boundaries.

couthy - what time is dinner then? Finding it strange that everywhere you lived no one was ever out by dinner.

Mine stay out while it is still light and sunny over the summer holidays. I think it compensates for the whole of winter when they can't play out because it is dark and freezing. They don't have to be up for school, and if they were sent to bed at their usual 7:30-8pm they just wouldn't sleep.

Just because they play out doesn't mean I don't "parent", I'm keeping a close eye on them while they have fun, have a childhood and gain some confidence and independence. You know like children should?

Yes it's a change to routine, but routine is meant to be helpful, not controlling. If you're a slave to routine you've gone wrong somewhere :)

Bloody hell at this 15yr olds being in at 6.30! I was babysitting out much later than that at 12!

I lived on a council estate in Northampton, FWIW...don't know why that makes a difference. We'd do homework, have dinner & go out & play. Much later in the holidays. As long as mum knew where we were!

I don't see how you can restrict your teen that much, tbh!

But she DOES have freedom and independence, she is out most of the day, most days. DAYS being the operative word. She goes to town, she goes swimming with her friends, they are planning their first solo beach trip, her group of friends, how is that 'no freedom'?

I don't see it as being a helicopter parent to expect your YOUNG teenagers to be in at a reasonable time. And 14 IS a young teenager. I'm not on about an 18yo.

I don't stand over her all day, she doesn't have to stay with me all the time, but she has to be in at dinner time, like her friends. Doesn't mean she has no freedom.

Slave to routine = having two DC's with Autism.

Dinner is dished up at 6.30. Is that wrong too?!

"I am now going to bed, as unlike some of my neighbours, I will get up with my DCs"

Mine didn't get to sleep until gone 10 but they will still be up by 8 am

I don't let them stay up late to get a lie in. just to let them have a great summer.