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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate having to nag my husband out of bed every morning?

64 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 27/07/2012 10:15

That's it really. Husband is working hard trying to sort the house out so is coming to bed late. But every morning I have to nag & nag him to get him up...at least 15 minutes & can be up to an hour at weekends. On the days I work I get up at 6:30 to get myself sorted & it's his job to get our son up. We never leave on time because he 'can't' get up.

AIBU to think he's a grown man & ought to be able to get himself up?

OP posts:
GnocchiNineDoors · 27/07/2012 10:16

Why dont you just leave without him? Let him be late for work.

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/07/2012 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MrsHelsBels74 · 27/07/2012 10:18

I don't go to work with him but I rely on him to get our son ready for nursery (he does leave with me).
He never leaves on time for work & in this current financial climate I do worry about him being late for work constantly, but he just doesn't seem to care...he'll have his shower & breakfast regardless of how late he is.

OP posts:
AKMD · 27/07/2012 10:22

YANBU. I had this with DH and snapped when DS was a few weeks old, I'd been up all night and was being constantly woken up in the morning by his alarm going off every 5 minutes as he hit snooze until I made him get up. I told him that he was an adult and I was not going to be responsible for getting him out of bed from now on. When his alarm went off he was to turn it off and what he did after that was up to him. He was suitable chastened and there have been no problems since.

pjmama · 27/07/2012 10:22

When you get out of bed, take the duvet with you and put the radio on REALLY loudly and make sure its out of reach. If that doesn't work, follow up with a washcloth of freezing cold water on the face. Repeat as necessary until you get the desired effect.

Yes, I know I'm evil.

wanderingalbatross · 27/07/2012 10:23

I have some sympathy for your husband because I'm rubbish at getting up in the morning, especially if I've been up late. DH on the other hand springs out of bed at an ungodly hour refreshed and ready to go. It's nice that he makes me a cup of tea in the mornings to help me get out of bed :)

So if he's been going to bed late, I can see that he'd find it difficult to get up in the mornings. Maybe you should be encouraging him to go to bed earlier?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 27/07/2012 10:24

Why does he have to stay up sorting the house out, can't that wait?

I'd be getting up and out the house earlier without him. Sod him if he can't get his lazy arse out of bed. He's a grown man, not a 13yo!

Numberlock · 27/07/2012 10:24

I had the same with my teenage son, making everyone else late and stressed in the mornings because he wouldn't get up on time.

Till I calmly told him the night before we would be leaving at 8 o'clock as usual whether he was ready or not.

The following morning, he was still in bed, we left regardless. I can't say it's never happened again, but there's been a massive improvement.

I'd try this, as you say it's not your responsibility.

lisaro · 27/07/2012 10:29

Why don't you let him sleep in at weekends? What do you mean by 'sorting the house out'?

doublecakeplease · 27/07/2012 10:30

If he's staying up late getting the house sorted can you not get your son ready for nursery??

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 27/07/2012 10:36

So,on the days you work the next day,he doesn't work late getting house sorted.

I have trouble burning the candle at both ends.

If he was up watching tv,I'd think different.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 27/07/2012 10:37

Or can you help getting the house sorted so he's not working so late?

GnocchiNineDoors · 27/07/2012 11:22

It seems fair that if he is doing the 'late shift' of house diy then you should do the 'early shift' of getting your ds ready.

Or you could always swap of course, and take over the diy.

cybbo · 27/07/2012 11:23

Yes he is a grown man but you seem intent on acting like his mother

Original poster
MrsHelsBels74 · 27/07/2012 13:56

I'm 7 months pregnant so DIY is out of the question. I'm not entirely sure what he does of an evening, he goes to our old house to feed our cats (we've just moved & am trying to get everything sorted before we bring the cats to the new place) but guessing from something I heard the other day he pops up to see his parents most evenings. And he has admitted he comes home & reads/watches TV/ plays on the computer before coming to bed.

And being pregnant I find it difficult to lift son out of the cot at the moment so do need his help getting son up. And for me to do it all & get him ready for nursery I'd have to get up at the crack of dawn.

OP posts:
NarkedRaspberry · 27/07/2012 14:00

The best thing to do is stop nagging. Leave him in bed. If he doesn't get your DS ready by the time you leave, then it's up to him to get your DS to nursery. The snoozing will stop pretty sharpish Wink

Original poster
MrsHelsBels74 · 27/07/2012 14:02

That would never happen, son's nursery is on my work site, husband works in totally the opposite direction. I just find it difficult that he can ignore our son shouting for daddy in the morning.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 27/07/2012 14:05

It's like that in our house too.

I get up whenever the DSs do, so generally between 5:30 and 6. I wake DH at 6:30 with his bath running and a freshly ironed shirt.

It then takes him until 7:25 to emerge from the bedroom.

While he's dragging himself from his pit I feed the cat, wash up DS3's night bottles, empty the dishwasher, put on a wash, clear the draining board, write up the nanny diary and get three small boys changed and dressed.

He has to leave the house at 7:35 to catch his train, which means I only have 10 minutes to wash, dress and put on make up before I'm back on duty looking after the boys until DNanny arrives at 8. While he drinks the tea I made him before I went upstairs myself.

Drives me insane.

RevoltingPeasant · 27/07/2012 14:07

Hmm my method used to be: when DP's alarm went off, turn it off for him - I find that not having the 'snooze safety blanket' made him less likely to go back to sleep. Then a brief cuddle and chat so he was woken up gently - much nicer than being blared at by alarm.

Then - subtle withdrawal of duvet or in extremis, feet in small of back pushing towards edge of bed. It's a sort of carrot and stick thing... Wink

But yes YANBU and I would just tell him straight out that at least until you give birth he needs to make more of an effort.

ClaireRacing · 27/07/2012 14:09

Just don't do it and let him suffer the consequences.

whatthewhatthebleep · 27/07/2012 14:12

I suppose if DH wasn't working all day and then trying to organise/decorate new house, etc...maybe he wouldn't be struggling to get up in the morning etc...the priority is his work so maybe he should curtail the diy stuff and get some better rest...
I think it's a bit unreasonable to not appreciate his efforts to try to get everything done...he needs some down time so if he's visiting his parents...maybe he's doing that to be able to just sit down for an hour or so 'time out' from everything...

sounds like if he's awake then he has 'stuff' to do...burning both ends of candle...unfair and can't be maintained too long....cut him some slack and tell him he needs 'time out'...the decorating can wait...maybe just some over the weekend or something...he needs to re-charge and be looked after a bit too...

cook him a nice meal and show your appreciation for all his efforts...take time out and chill out...things will get done...maybe just slow down a bit and take the pressure off

bogeyface · 27/07/2012 14:15

When you get out of bed, take the duvet with you and put the radio on REALLY loudly and make sure its out of reach. If that doesn't work, follow up with a washcloth of freezing cold water on the face. Repeat as necessary until you get the desired effect.

I hope you are joking. If a woman posted that her husband had done this to her there would be outcry, "leave the bastard" would be the least of it!

bogeyface · 27/07/2012 14:16

cook him a nice meal and show your appreciation for all his efforts

what efforts? spending every evening goodness knows where instead of at home with his pg wife and family, ensuring he can fulfil his duties the next day?

Wigglewoo · 27/07/2012 14:22

I suspect he waits for you to nag him up because he knows you will.

If you tell him you're not doing it anymore and mean it then he will probably be able to do it, even if he is late once or twice at first.

NarkedRaspberry · 27/07/2012 14:25

That's the point Mrs. It would be hugely inconvenient for him. But you should only need to follow through with it at once to get him out of bed.