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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate having to nag my husband out of bed every morning?

64 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 27/07/2012 10:15

That's it really. Husband is working hard trying to sort the house out so is coming to bed late. But every morning I have to nag & nag him to get him up...at least 15 minutes & can be up to an hour at weekends. On the days I work I get up at 6:30 to get myself sorted & it's his job to get our son up. We never leave on time because he 'can't' get up.

AIBU to think he's a grown man & ought to be able to get himself up?

OP posts:

NarkedRaspberry · 27/07/2012 14:26

random 'at' there

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 27/07/2012 14:26

I'm not drip feeding but there is a huge back story which I didn't feel was relevant when I posted but, husband has been renovating this house we're in forever, promised me we'd be in before we were married, we've been married 3 1/2 years. Since our son was born I've had very little help at weekends with him, he's now 2 1/2, we've only recently had our first 'family outing'. I know he thinks he's doing his best but he does have a tendency to 'potter' & waste time when doing jobs.

When we moved in here it was full of tools & building materials & still is, which isn't ideal with a curious toddler which is why getting it sorted can't wait.

I do try & help by sorting out cooking etc & he knows I appreciate his efforts, but I have terrible insomnia plus sickness at the moment so am finding things difficult. I do still manage to get myself out of bed though.

OP posts:

LaQueen · 27/07/2012 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NarkedRaspberry · 27/07/2012 14:33

He's 2.5? Stick him in bed with his father (I know it's hard for you to lift him but you should manage it once) and leave. Day dreamers need something to focus the mind, and there's nothing like a toddler for that.

holyfishnets · 27/07/2012 14:37

Stop nagging and tell him you are going to stop reminding him as you are sick of it. Then buy four loud alarms and place them in different locations round the bedroom. Move them every day to keep him on his toes. Make them hard to find! Then have fun listening to all the commotion.

holyfishnets · 27/07/2012 14:38

Yes also send child to wake DH. With a set of drums or singing his loudest tune

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/07/2012 14:39

"Husband is working hard trying to sort the house out so is coming to bed late."

"I'm not entirely sure what he does of an evening, he goes to our old house to feed our cats (we've just moved & am trying to get everything sorted before we bring the cats to the new place) but guessing from something I heard the other day he pops up to see his parents most evenings. And he has admitted he comes home & reads/watches TV/ plays on the computer before coming to bed."

So which is it? Is he working hard, or is he farting around? And why have you moved, but are still sorting out the old house? And when will it be sorted, because presumably you're paying two rents/mortgages, which no-one can afford for long? Because presumably at some point the old house will become the ex house and he will be at the new house with you of an evening?

OP, he is an adult, and you should not have to nag him out of bed. Have a conversation with him. Point out that his job should be considered a higher priority that parental visits etc. Tell him that his rising is not your responsibility. Point out he needs to get his finger out his arse and get on with 'sorting out the house' and be done with it.

And personally (because I am sadistic and impatient) I would give him a choice of two ways you are willing to respond to him in the morning, and he can choose which it is to be. You will either :

Leave him be, and he can be mega-late to work - because you will leave DS with him and he will still have to get DS to nursery before going on to work -or-
Throw a bucket of cold water on him within five minutes of the alarm going off. His choice. And if he chooses 'leave him be' - do exactly that. Do not try to get him up. Go to work. Let him deal with it. I doubt he'll do it more than once.

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 27/07/2012 14:42

He would say he's working hard, I would say he's working a lot but not necessarily efficiently.
The house we were in is owned by FIL hence no pressure to move everything out (other than BIL wanting to move in there). Husband & BIL own where we've moved to so no mortgage here either.

OP posts:

JarethTheGoblinKing · 27/07/2012 15:01

Cinnabar

Bloody hell..

whatthewhatthebleep · 27/07/2012 15:04

so enlist assistance to remove all tools from toddlers reach to shed or somewhere...
Tell DH you need to hire decorator, etc in a months time (giving another month or so for the works to be completed before new baby arrives)as DH is obviously unable to realistically do all this work himself...that his work is more important for him to concentrate his energies on and the new baby will need a settled environment to come home to and you want the jobs in the house completed and this house move done and over with....and BIL can get into his house as planned....put yer foot down and go and get quotes from decorator's, joiner's whatever you are still needing done...put them out in front of DH and give it a deadline for completion...one way or the other....

set alarms on clock, phone's out of reach, etc and tell him it is not your job to get him up in the morning and will not be doing it any longer...'team work' from now on...

good luck

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/07/2012 15:05

Ah, your husband is MortgagesAreEvil Man, right?

Well, I'd stop him going to the old house to feed the cats, because that seems to me to be what allows him to waste a lot of time (unneccesary travel, visit parents etc). If the house is good enough for you and your son, it's good enough for the cats.

Make a list of all the work that he's planning to do, and work out a rough schedule. Some jobs will be dependent on others being completed first, you can save a lot of time by looking at all the jobs together.

Or is he doing this to avoid sitting down and working out your budget/debt repayment?

Oh, and my advice for early morning stands. Leave him to it versus bucket of cold water, his choice.

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2012 15:37

TBF to DH, he's not a morning person and never has been. I am a morning person, and I love spending time with the DSs before I go to work.

I just want to have more than 10 minutes to slap on my slap.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 27/07/2012 15:38

I can't believe you iron his shirts and run his bath for him though.. yowser.

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2012 15:40

He gives DS3 his late feed, cooks my dinner and runs me a bath before bed - works for us!

Numberlock · 27/07/2012 15:40

Hopefully he does similar for you in the evening, Cinnabar.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 27/07/2012 15:41

I agree with getting the cats to current house - less chance of him disappearing for hours on end.

Can you talk with him and ask him that if you really pull all the stops out between you can he try to focus on at least making the current house as baby/toddler friendly as possible ready for the new arrival. Forget cosmetic stuff,and concentrate on the dangerous/dirty. Enlist as much help as possible - and do what you can in the times of day you feel a little better.

I think you need to sort some of this situation out before new baby arrives.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 27/07/2012 15:42

Is he feeling overwhelmed?

Can any family be called upon to help - even if only to focus your minds on what can and should be done?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 27/07/2012 15:48

fair enough

scaredymcnamechange · 27/07/2012 15:58

Set alarm five minutes earlier every couple of days so eventually he is waking up BEFORE he needs to get up. You know, like training toddlers to go to sleep after hour change...

HexagonalQueenOfEverything · 27/07/2012 16:24

I agree with Laqueen, as usual!

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 27/07/2012 17:25

WhereYouLeftIt yes that's my husband

He has told me the cats are coming home tonight so hopefully this will soon be the end of it. We have a shed awaiting construction in the back garden so hopefully that will get a lot of the tools etc out of the way, although he didn't announce until AFTER the shed had been delivered that we needed a skip first to clear where the shed is going to go

I guess I'm just a little worried this is going to carry on when the baby arrives & I really will need him to get up & be useful then. He was like it when our son was born but it wasn't as important as we only had 1 baby, dealing with 2 children is going to be a whole heap of different!

OP posts:

LaQueen · 27/07/2012 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Numberlock · 27/07/2012 17:35

LaQueen - she went on to add that he does the same in return in the evening - cooks tea, feeds child, runs her bath.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/07/2012 19:09

"although he didn't announce until AFTER the shed had been delivered that we needed a skip first to clear where the shed is going to go"

Like I said earlier - make a list of all the work that he's planning to do, and work out a rough schedule. Some jobs will be dependent on others being completed first, you can save a lot of time by looking at all the jobs together.

So what are you going to do about getting up in the morning?

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 27/07/2012 19:45

I don't know. I think getting a small boy up & putting him in bed with daddy might be the way forward

OP posts:

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