AIBU to think DS age 13 can be as camp as he likes

[LesleyPumpshaft]

DS age 13 is, how can I put it, has become very camp since he hit puberty.

He is a brony (a bloke who likes the new 'My Little Pony Friendship is Magic' cartoon), has a fine collection of scatter cushions for his bedroom and he enjoys products from Lush. He also is just very camp in his mannerisms.

I'm not even saying he is gay, because I know straight men who are camp. Although he does keep saying he is bisexual and then saying he was only joking. It wouldn't make any difference to me anyway. I told him that I think love and attraction are genderless and transcend boundaries such as race, gender and physical ability.

The thing is that the father of DS, who is XP is giving me a hard time about it. DP has given DS a ripping for choosing a fragrance from Lush called Lady Boy, so now DS doesn't use it which I don't mind because it is gorgeous, so more Lush for me!.

Other people raise eyebrows when they hear that DS doesn't like rugby, football etc and that I dont - shock horror - force him to do any manly activities! Also, more raised eyebrows when he tells them about how he is a brony etc. DP's family have given me a hard time over this also.

AIBU to think DS can be however the fuck he likes. He is a very interesting, intelligent, thoughtful and charming young man, if a little eccentric. His friends think highly of him. I think he should live the life he wants to live and do what makes him happy.

YANBU. If he's not gay and is getting shite from his peers about his behaviour, or losing out in some other way, then he will change of his own accord if it bothers him enough.

If he is gay then I doubt being coerced into 'manly activities' and whatever else is going to change that fact.

Did anyone hear that stupid vicar from Scotland on 5Live the other day (one of the apparent minority in Scotland who are anti-gay marriage) who said gay people don't really want to be gay because the suicide rate amongst homosexuals is higher than in straight people? I thought 'Yeah, and your fucking ignorant ostracising of them won't have anything to do with it then?'. Well, as far I see it and as extreme as it is, thats what your XP and everyone else is risking by not allowing your DS to be himself.

Funny about your ex being camp... I worked with someone like that. He was unfortunate to live near Brighton and everyone always thought he was gay. He was soooo touchy about it! He should be proud his son has enough self-confidence to do what he damn well likes!

YANBU he sounds lovely and so do you!

YADNBU you also sound like a great mum as long as hes happy who cares about other people

YANBU - and your ex has issues. Suspect he has been tortured himself by other people maybe in younger days and may be trying to 'spare' your DS the pain. Thing is the world has changed A LOT and in my experience people who are camp / gay and full of confidence are fine, it's when their confidence is pulverised that they start to suffer.

I may be roasted for saying this but you need to have a serious chat with your ex and if he is going to cause harm to your DS's self-esteem you may need to limit the time they spend together or help your DS arm himself against the barbs. Your DS has the right to like being who he is - and you sound like a fab mum

FWIW - a gay friend of ours uses LadyBoy. I love it when he comes to stay as the room always smells DIVINE the next morning! :o

YANBU there is a few camp boys his age now DD1 friend is really camp they are older but been friends from school , he isnt gay or hasnt come out yet but really likes beyonce and hanging out with the 'girls' you sounds a fab mum and your son sounds comfortable with himself, DD2 friend has come out as gay he is 15. Camp boys/men are accepted these days IMO

EugenesAxe

I think you are right, if he gets stick off his mates and decides he wants to change then he will. We also live in a rural area, so it is not very 'diverse' round here. He has told me that there are a few bronies at his school though.

He has brought up the subject of bisexuality a few times. I basically told him that whatever consenting adults want to get up to is fine and it is nobody elses business but their own. Just incase he actually is bi-curious, I made it clear that I 'm not all judgey about these things. Besides, I don't want to bring him up to be all judgey about these things either, regardless of his orientation. Being racist is unacceptable and I view discriminating against people on the basis of the sexuality as being no better.

Angelico TBH my ex lives on the other side of the country and he has always been unreliable. DS is now at an age where he can decide whether he wants to stay in contact and to what degree. Right now he can't be arsed at all. I really feel for DS, because I know what a tosser his dad is. All I can do is be there for him.

Mrsjay I think people are more open minded these days too.

Mrsjay I think people are more open minded these days too.

yes they are my daughters seem to be friends with boys who are camp maybe the boys feel comfortable with them, I had camp friends at school but they had an awful time 3 of my old school friends are gay they had to hide their campness back then though,

Russel Kane Michael Macintyre have made careers with the camp

of course YANBU

I think you need to somehow get your position on this VERY clear, for a few reasons

you can support your DS if he hits any rocks in the road, which he might....as being gay/camp is not 100% easy for a teenage boy
you can respond back to DP/his family with a unified voice

I am not articulating this well, sorry! I just think it it were a mate I would advise her to have a very clear stand, so when people say things she does not even have to think twice about how they respond

I almost think if you 2 asre singing from same songsheet, and have a similar response to comments from family it makes things easier???

gah, not making sense!

LOL at Lush "ladyboy" !!!!!!!!

YADNBU Times have changed, and thank heavens for that!

There's a boy at my son's primary school who wants to be a ballet dancer. He did a recital at school and got a standing ovation with all the other boys whooping and shouting and punching the air with pride at how good he is. I welled up a little bit thinking of how boys who weren't so 'manly' got picked on when I was at school - I'm so glad it's changed. This boy is very camp - doesn't matter a jot to the other boys - they've grown up accepting diversity and all they can see is his talent. What a blessed relief.

Does this mean I could flog my old my little ppnies on Ebay? Genuinely bewildered by the resurgence.

Anyone remember Blossom and Applejack? Currently residing inmy dm's house and being played with by toddler. Perhaps I should rescue them.

PsYANBU.

Thanks porcamiseria. My position is very clear, but DP is mindful of not upsetting family. There was an unfortunate incident the xmas before last when I had a massive ding-dong with his BIL over this. I really didn't do myself any favours.

DS knows that me and DP are fine with the way he is. If he needs support at any point I'm here for him. He might grow out of his campness. However, DP has been pointing out that DS is camp for the last 4 years. I think I've only recently noticed!

I would just advise to have a firm ripost and be mindful and wary of them 9and maybe even his Dad)

you son is who he is, and you love him

But be wary of his family making him feel bad abvout it, I know you are anyway!

xx

OP, your Ex sounds so far in the closet, I'm surprised he's not found Narnia yet

He also sounds like a complete twat. Every study done on attitudes towards sexuality proves that the more homophobic someone is, their physical reaction test results come back as homosexual or bisexual. How many times do you hear about an American preacher slagging off gays and lesbians then a few months later, he's found in a motel room with a rent boy?! Like racism, being prejudiced against the disabled, sexism, etc., homophobes are pathetic, weak people who have a poor sense of self and are unable to handle truths about themselves that they are scared will make them different. So they are vile about and towards others they view as 'different', because they're a trigger.

You, and your Ds, on the other hand sound lovely. If only more parents took your approach! Gender attributes are culturally-constructed, so it heartening to hear that he, and other youngsters, are determined to enjoy things that they like as individuals, whether those things tally with what society says they should enjoy. How come virtually all the horse racing on tv is performed with male riders yet My Little Pony is for girls? How illogical! And what is the world coming to if liking cushions is genderised?! Everyone is a mix of male and female and we should feel free to pursue our interests and talents regardless of what is deemed appropriate for our sex. That's my ha-penneth's worth, anyway!

Btw, I'd rather my son watch MLP than play violent computer games all day! Keep up the good work, OP :)

NBUR at all

He sounds like a wonderful young man and you sound like an equally wonderful mother. Continue supporting him and allowing him to flourish.

FWIW, if it was my child and DP making them feel bad about their choice of soap then he'd become an XDP , but that's because I'm a bolshi cow

Well done for raising a chid who at the let's face it, it's a dodgy age for kid's self esteem tender age of 13 is confident enough to be himself.

He sounds lovely, and so do you. Your ex OTOH sounds like a homophobic asshole.

BTW with the MLP thing, I haven't actually seen the new show but maybe it's just the latest 'retro' fashion? When I was a teen, Rainbow and the Clangers made a massive comeback despite previously being seen as old/outdated, these things just go in phases with the right branding.

OxfordBags I know exactly what you mean about the people who doth protest too much!

My son does like a bit of the old shoot 'em ups on the Xbox, and so does a female friend of his and her mum and sister!

NaiceSpam I'm far from prefect, but I have always told my son that nobody should be ashamed of who they are. Including him!

some people still think men should be manly and do manly things like being manly It is an old fashioned hurtful way of thinking IMO op I hope your son doesnt get too upset about it, He does seem comfy in his own skin though,

Retro things are always going to do the rounds 1 year it was bagpuss other years it was rainbow , It is a bit depressing when things we liked and watched as kids is now seen as retro MLP has made me depressed sigh I think of it is a modern thing

NaiceSpam to answer your question about MLP, they bought out a new cartoon called My Little Pony - Friendship is Magic and they also revamped the toys. It is funkier now I must admit. DS says he likes it because the show teaches good values about friendship, the animation is excellent, the voice acting is great and the storylines and characters rock.

I hope DS continues to feel comfortable enough to just be himself.

AdoraBell DP is totally fine, apart from the time he teased him about the Lush fragrance, I did bollock him about that. It's DP's family that stepped out of line and cast aspertions over my parenting. They can keep their opinions to themselves suck my hairy balls as far as I'm concerned though!

LesleyPumpshaft as well as that MLP toy convention PrincessTeacake mentioned, there's also the Brony UK Convention "BUCK" in Manchester in mid-August which is more about the current TV show than the toys (not that there's anything wrong with the toys!)

As for everyone puzzled about the current interest - it's (mostly) not retro, it's just a good show & it just happened to catch the internet in the right mood to spread as a "meme". Bronies are pretty much like Trekkies except it's a cartoon about friendship and parties and kicking dragons IN THE FACE instead of spaceships.

There's a bit about the "history" of the fandom (it's only been going 2 years!) here on Know Your Meme and The Round Stable news site

Can you tell your ex-h to lay off. Son could be gay but then again could also be camping it up a bit to get dads reaction. Negative attention is much better then no attention you know.

I would be like you though - accepting of DS and just wanting him to be happy

I am also welling up at this thread. DS will be six in Oct, has long blond hair, looks like a Tim Minchin Brigitte Bardot hybrid and is - ahem - FABULOUS! Loves wearing extravagant dresses, nail varnish, hair clips etc etc and is renowned round here for climbing trees in a Chinese dress.

We really wouldn't have him any other way, and a sign of how much society is changing is a convo DP heard last week. The teenaged boys living a few doors down had some friends over, and they were still out when DS and DD came in for bedtime.... DS was in his dress, and one of the visiting boys asked:

Is that a girl or a boy?
(neighbour boy) It's a boy, he's called (DS' name).
What, has he got a d..k and all that? (they were unaware DP was earwigging).
Yeah, yeah, he just likes wearing a dress.....
Oh right.....

And that was that.

OP, you're doing just the right thing.... It may be a phase, or your DS may always be camp, but what he deffo will always be is confident and happy in himself.