AIBU to think DS age 13 can be as camp as he likes

[LesleyPumpshaft]

DS age 13 is, how can I put it, has become very camp since he hit puberty.

He is a brony (a bloke who likes the new 'My Little Pony Friendship is Magic' cartoon), has a fine collection of scatter cushions for his bedroom and he enjoys products from Lush. He also is just very camp in his mannerisms.

I'm not even saying he is gay, because I know straight men who are camp. Although he does keep saying he is bisexual and then saying he was only joking. It wouldn't make any difference to me anyway. I told him that I think love and attraction are genderless and transcend boundaries such as race, gender and physical ability.

The thing is that the father of DS, who is XP is giving me a hard time about it. DP has given DS a ripping for choosing a fragrance from Lush called Lady Boy, so now DS doesn't use it which I don't mind because it is gorgeous, so more Lush for me!.

Other people raise eyebrows when they hear that DS doesn't like rugby, football etc and that I dont - shock horror - force him to do any manly activities! Also, more raised eyebrows when he tells them about how he is a brony etc. DP's family have given me a hard time over this also.

AIBU to think DS can be however the fuck he likes. He is a very interesting, intelligent, thoughtful and charming young man, if a little eccentric. His friends think highly of him. I think he should live the life he wants to live and do what makes him happy.

quietlysuggests I agree, and I don't actually think he is gay for what it's worth. Some young people have piercings etc and I think my sons campness could be similar to that. I suppose he is a bit of an 'emo' I'm not down with the kids these days, but I think that's the correct terminology.

If he wants scatter cushions and Lush products at this stage fair enough. The last thing I want is to force anything upon him. You make some really sensible points.

quietlysuggests

You make some really sensible points, which I have also been thinking about. I don't actually think DS is gay. I do think that part of this is a teenage rebellion phase, albeit a rather odd one. If he wants to be camp why not though. I also see a few young emo men about who look quite camp. I saw a couple of them walking down the street holding hands the other day. I think it's a bit trendy at the moment not that I would know trendy if it bit me on the arse.

I also think he has enjoyed winding his father up too! Seeing as he's not out drinking and causing trouble etc I'm happy to let him get on with it!

YANBU. Your son sounds wonderful. If your xp has issues with your son's personality then I think that says a lot about his own insecurities. Stuff him and anyone else who has a problem. You also sound like a fab mum.

RachelWalsh He sounds just like XP. That is exactly the sort of thing XP would worry about too! My mum bought DS a black baby doll when he was little just to wind XP up. Perhaps that's why DS is now camp? I don't think so, but that's the sort of drivel XP would come out with!

Actually, come to think of it, DS has been camp for a very long time. Me and DP have been together for 5 years now and he has always told me that DS was camp. Perhaps it's only just become obvious to me!

Hi, 47 yr old straight man here with two teen/adult sons who all love the new My Little Pony show and a wife who really does not. Both boys are sometimes a little "fabulous", one is currently straight but partnerless & the other either has no idea or hasn't decided and it doesn't matter to us! We just want them to be happy with whoever they are and whoever they end up with, without getting hurt or hurting others, so in short YANBU

Sexuality is a spectrum & few people are at the extremes of being 100% gay or straight. Being camp is on a completely different spectrum the runs at a large angle whilst being unconnected.

I know many Bronies/Pony fans who play "manly" video games - blowing each other up in World of Tanks or Team Fortress 2 - or drive their motorised penis extensions around in real life whilst decorated with pastel-coloured cartoon girly horsies.

The Brony thing has taken off and spread thanks to the internet and has shown all these men that "girly" does not have to mean negative things any more, although this was already happening despite macho idiocy like Nuts magazines and other mainstream media.

As for the Lush stuff, we were delighted when our smelly little oiks discovered it in their early teens as it meant we now longer had a fight to get them to shower more than once a month!

And I'd be really happy if ours would discover a liking for scatter cushions rather than scattering the usual mess they make...

Thanks PhoolCat

I must admit that I was a huge My Little Pony fan when I was younger. I can see why the new cartoon has such a large following, it is actually rather good.

DS may like scatter cushions, but his room is still messy! He also does Ninjutsu and we are training partners. So, I suppose throwing people about and learning to use weapons is sort of manly, although training with your mum probably isn't!

Even my Dad likes stuff from Lush, so I don't consider it to be girly in any way.

Yanbu!

My ds (13 too) is similar ( likes hello kitty and lots of anime, not into any 'manly' sports at all!) also has experimented with eye make up (huge Tim Minchin fan)

My dh finds it slightly bewildering at times, as he is a manly man, but we both agree that it is wonderful that he is so confident in his skin that he doesn't feel he has to tone down his flamboyant side.

Your ds sounds lovely :)

Oh,and huge Lush fan too, he spends ages choosing which bath bomb to have!

He's 13!

The one thing guaranteed to make him even more camp is for his parents to try to insist he be more "manly"

So he's 13, has friends, is happy, washes voluntarily and gets on well enough with his mum to train with her in a sport that involves discipline and dedication? Yep, I can clearly see why his father would have a problem with him

If he has been happily telling people he is a brony then not only is he perfectly fine with himself but he has the confidence to tell others 'this is me, accept it or jog on'. For a teenager that is fabulous!

Has My Little Pony achieved cult status now then? My dd grew out of it at 6, she'd have been mortified at 7 to be caught still playing with it
Why the need to tell everyone?

YADNBU - He is a healthy, confident, happy, articulate, clean 13yr old boy, Good luck to him, let him enjoy whatever he wants to enjoy.

Lesley, your OP is making me well up a bit because you are so nice. Of course YANBU. Please go back in time and be mum to someone close to me who didn't hae someone like you. thanks.

Not that there's an dispute here but no YANBU. He sounds lovely, and plenty of un-camp men like Lush anyway.

(I didn't realise that about My Little Pony, either... I was considered immature still to love them at the age of 9)

DS sounds fab and so do you, Lesley - and gawd how I pity people who are so fucking uptight about what people should be 'into', especially when it's on gender-based lines. How fucking tedious of them.

He is still only a child and subject to many influences and opinions so at his age I wouldn't worry too much except to be aware that there are many and varied opinions most of which are quite valid.

BTW not liking rugby or football is actually quite a good thing in a man IMO!

You sound like a good mum YANBU, they are!

YANBU

In my school we have a few camp boys and they get along just fine, most do turn out to be gay plus quite a few who try to appear masculine, have a gf etc..

Serious question, what channel is My Little Pony on I my girls would love it. :)

Your ex sounds like my ex, when ds was a few months old I put a long pair of socks on him which came up to his knees. Ex freaked out and demanded I take them off him as he didn't want him to "look like a poof wearing stockings"

Thankfully your son has a far better role model to look up to (his mum!) and can just pity his dads narrow views.

Luckily DP is like me, and he is laid back when it comes to how people 'should' and 'shouldn't' behave. Obviously knowing right from wrong and being courteous is important and that goes without saying really. DP is quite a manly man, but he accepts people for who they are. He is a fab step parent and DS is very lucky to have him as a male role model imo.

My ex is actually very camp, which is rather ironic. We have been separated for over 10 years now and he has never had a long term relationship during this time. In fact, I thought he was gay when we first met! Why he would have such a problem about DS being camp is beyond me.

I did object to one of DS's teachers in middle school though. She pulled me up on DS's flamboyant behaviour and told me that he would have to reign it in. I could see where she was coming from, but I have plenty of eccentric characters on both sides of my family. I am quiet but eccentric myself. My son is very extrovert and 'fabulous'. He can reign it in when he needs to, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect people to have to try to change their basic personality.

I'm the Events Manager for UK Ponycon, the My Little Pony convention, and I can tell you that last year we had more than triple the men in attendance because of the new show and we couldn't have been happier. All the bronies I know are absolute sweethearts. I think your son is in the best place he could possibly be, he has a wonderful accepting mother and a good community to offer support whatever his sexual orientation is in the end.

I think RachelWalsh is spot on WRT to some people's tetchy insulting and intrusive and unnecessary comments about other people's 'eccentric' tastes stemming from their own fragile sense of their own identities (and, I'd add, probable low self-esteem).

Btw, My Little Pony is on Boomerang if I remember rightly. DS is out, but I'll confirm when I see him.

PrincessTeacake I have to take him to this! Do you have a link or anything?

YANBU he shouldn't change who he is to please other people! You sound like a lovely mum