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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not invited to wedding

57 replies

notaceleb · 27/07/2012 00:28

this is a difficult one I will try not to drip feed and I firstly do recognise that everyone has the absolute right to invite whoever they want to their wedding and it is their day, but I feel a bit hurt and upset at not being invited. Its a bit of AIBU and WWYD

My cousin is getting married and has not invited any of his 5 cousins including me and my ds, I would consider us to be a close family we used to all spend a lot of time together up until a few years back we all lived close and saw loads of each other but as we got jobs, got married, had kids etc we moved away and we all obviously saw less of each other,but kept in touch via facebook

The wedding is a big do, money no object and here is why I am upset, cousin is quite high up in his job and well known in his field he mingles with a lot of celebs, he has invited them to the wedding even though they are not friends as such, and has only invited 4 family members, outside of his immediate family. I feel like he is saying we are not good enough and I feel very hurt. One of our other cousins is very upset as he was very/is close to him. There have been no arguments, or problems so no real reason for excluding us all,we all get on with his fiancee and like her, and thought she liked us. so AIBU to feel hurt and upset and wwyd, would you say anything or just leave it.

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Original poster

notaceleb · 27/07/2012 00:29

please excuse crap spelling, grammar and all other mistakes I am tired and have been stewing on this for the last few days

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WorraLiberty · 27/07/2012 00:31

I'd leave it...it's his wedding after all.

Just because money is no object, it doesn't mean he has to invite people he's no longer close to.

Yes an invite would have been nice but you haven't got one and that's his prerogative.

EightiesOlympicGolds · 27/07/2012 00:31

These are generally complicated situations, but first off, I totally understand how hurt you are feeling - have had a very trying wedding invite situation myself a few months ago. So YANBU.

Don't jump in and do anything straight away. You can always speak out in a dignified manner later, but anything said in heat is hard to take back and risks making you look like the one in the wrong. Do you know for sure that you are not invited? Have you spoken to any of the others?

WorraLiberty · 27/07/2012 00:32

Oh I've just noticed you nickname...you're taking the whole 'celeb' thing to heart aren't you?

EightiesOlympicGolds · 27/07/2012 00:33

Sorry have just seen that one cousin is upset so assume you have spoken to them. I'm tired myself so I may head off to bed now but will check back tomorrow. Have a hug, it can be very hurtful.

Original poster

notaceleb · 27/07/2012 00:33

thats the thing though Worra we thought we were still close but yes it is his perogative to invite who he wishes

I know none of us are invited, the ones who were invited got the invitations three weeks ago

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HerRoyalNotness · 27/07/2012 00:33

I'd feel hurt too if you were close. However, I'd leave it, and move on from it. I'd also send them a congratulations card (but not a gift) in the post, to let them know you were thinking of them and wish them well.

Life is too short (cliche) to fall out with family over such a thing.

Original poster

notaceleb · 27/07/2012 00:35

probably I am but the feeling is that we have been bumped for celebs taht sounds so petty now I have written it down but its how it feels

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HerRoyalNotness · 27/07/2012 00:37

I'm sure you're right to feel that way. But as it's a cousin, I'd think, oh well. Now if it was my brother/sister, I'd turn up in a sackcloth to shame them

pigletmania · 27/07/2012 06:30

Yes it's his wedding and he can invite who he wants, but I think that he has done a horrid thing. He should remember where he came from and will still be there once those celebrities have gone. He is trying to impress them, whilst kicking his family to the curb, not nice

50shadesofslapntickle · 27/07/2012 06:43

I would say something, why not? Can you go see him and ask him why? I would definitely say something

He sounds like an arse

JumpingThroughHoops · 27/07/2012 06:47

Could be worse. My friend has a cousin who is a celeb. Very excited to be invited to a 50th knowing the place would be humming with celebs. family were put away in one room, celebs got VIP treatment in another room, the two didnt mix at all. Sheer knobishness and not wanting people to see your roots I'm afraid.

exoticfruits · 27/07/2012 06:56

Just accept that they are a very shallow person.

SquidgyBiscuits · 27/07/2012 07:11

There are a whole host of reasons for your cousin not inviting you. The venue may be limited to a certain number, he may actually be friends with these celebs, he may see a lot more of them than you, it may be beneficial for his career etc.

I'm not saying these are all pleasant or ideal, just possibilities!

lovebunny · 27/07/2012 07:14

networks have taken over from families. families often expect to be invited to weddings when they never see you at other times - why would you want them there? better to ask your friends.

JumpingThroughHoops · 27/07/2012 07:16

Do you know his bride-to-be? could be that she has a small family and they have agreed family numbers so her family isn't overwhelmed. Also, of course, maybe her parents are paying for it.

DontmindifIdo · 27/07/2012 07:27

there's also another explaination, it could be that the wedding is big as a magazine has done a deal (esp if it's going to be celeb packed), at that point, unless they are A listers themselves, they need it to be celeb packed to get the deal, and could have a lot less imput in the day than most...

Or it could be that he/the bride are massively star struck and just feel they have to give the celebs the first refusal on the invites.

Or it could be that theyhave agreed a set number from each side and he genuinely considers these people to be closer to him

Or it could be that he's one of those shallow people who don't see their marriage (or any event) as a chance to celebrated in front of friends and family, but as a networking event...

Gingerodgers · 27/07/2012 08:10

Weddings are about your future together, not about each persons personal past. Maybe they just feel that extended family are in the past.....

imnotmymum · 27/07/2012 08:14

I just want to know who it is Really do not worry about it send a card and get on with your life it will work itself out as poster said if it was Brother or Sister then different.

squeakytoy · 27/07/2012 08:15

Would you be as upset about not getting an invite if there were no celebs going?

OddBoots · 27/07/2012 08:19

Maybe he wouldn't bother getting married normally but decided to because it could be a good networking event for him? (I have no idea what he is like so I'm probably wrong, I just thought I'd throw that in there).

imnotmymum · 27/07/2012 08:20

oooh so cynical Odd. You could go to the papers "rejected by ????! Not invited to wedding" cue sad face picture with photo of "happier times". There now you a celeb !!!

Original poster

notaceleb · 27/07/2012 08:23

thank you everyone for taking the time to reply, its hard to explain but we all spent a lot of time together as I say not so much recently, due to work/family commitment, but we do keep in touch regularly.

I wont say anything and will of course send a card wishing them well, I am genuinely happy for them both they are a lovely couple but I feel sad at being excluded from such an important moment in their lives, as do my cousins and ds when we did thought we would be invited, we went to his db wedding 18 months ago. I had not considered it may be a career thing and I dont think there is a magazine deal I would definately have to be hidden in a corner in my primark dress and it could be numbers at the venue

I will put my autograph book away

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GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/07/2012 08:26

Weddings are about your future together, not about each persons personal past. Maybe they just feel that extended family are in the past.....

What a really odd way of thinking. Yet again I'm so glad I have my family and not a family like this.

Original poster

notaceleb · 27/07/2012 08:26

squeaky yes I would be upset, the mention of the celebs is because I feel we are being pushed out in favour of them, he does network with them and I do know that he is very good friends with one celeb, but then we all were as we went to school together

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