to not want to shut my dog away for uninvited visiting children?

[freddiefrog]

it's a gorgeous day, DH and I are doing some stuff in the garden and I seem to have a dozen neighbourhood kids in and out of the garden.

2 of which are scared of the dog and are freaking out every time he goes within 20 foot of them

He's a Springer Spaniel and is very friendly, wouldn't hurt any of them and is totally focussed on chasing the grass clipping around the garden and ignoring them anyway, but DH and I are both out in there with them all in any case

I had shut him indoors but it's hot in the house and he wants to be outside with us all so I've told them that the dog is a member of our family, he lives here and has every right to be in the garden so they'll have to ignore him or go and play at home

I'm one of the haterz!

Well, not really, but I don't have a dog and would never have a dog. And I think they are big, smelly, bum-wiping-across-the-carpet creatures!

However, I think YAdefNBU. My son is terrified of dogs so we don't visit people who have dogs. I wouldn't dream of asking someone to shut their dog away so that we could visit.

My DD loves dogs and she'd be round yours like a shot!

I used to have a collection of horror movie character figures displayed in my living room. My son used to ignore them because they'd been there since he was a baby. His friend didn't like them and his mum suggested I "put the monsters away" when her pfb came for tea because they upset him. He didn't come for tea again...

We have a fourteen week old golden retriever puppy, its the least threatening thing you could ever see.

Last night she was having a run out the front and ofcourse all the kids were round playing with her. She jumped up on the little girl from acrosd the street and was quite happy getting a hug from her.

Then the girls dad comes out and shouts over *sarah get away from the doggy.

Now, I could maybe understand if the girl was allergic or something. But they have a dog!! Our puppy had been bathed yesterday morning after digging a pit in the back garden so it wasnt like she was getting dirty.

The whole thing really baffles me. I can understand parents teaching kids to be wary of unknown dogs, Im the same, but a puppy!! Seems that a lot of parents are filling their kids full of fears.

Anyway, YANBU. Your garden, your dog. If its so upsetting for the wee darlings they can go play somewhere else!!

I have a dog-fearing DS and a dog-loving DD, and YANBU.

The non-invited children can choose to stay in their own garden, and your dog can enjoy himself in his.

I'm not keen on dogs myself. But I'm absolutely with you here. Your garden your dog. If children don't like it they can go home and play in their own gardens.

Wannabe - I have dogs, but I make sure my dc don't go up to strange dogs to cuddle/stroke/whatever, as they don't know how the dog will react, so I don't think it was that odd of the father calling his dd away.
Even puppies (especially puppies, actually) can get over-excited at attention, and can deliver a nasty nip.

OP - YANBU.

Lambzig - my DD was really terrified of dogs as a toddler. I think it's cos from their tiny height a dog looks huge. As she got bigger, she got slightly better but then we were lucky enough to live near a very friendly (and enormous) Bernese Mountain Dog who did a lot to build her confidence with dogs. As your little one gets bigger and makes friends at nursery/school, you will probably find some of them have dogs and will be able to get her used to them that way.

Weeeeellll, speaking as a DD with Dog Issues and I'm not a Massive Fan of the Canines either.

Uninvited DC can like it or lump it.
Animals can get grumpy in the heat (though it sounds like yours is pretty laid back) But if they are shreiking at him then he will get upset.
It's not fair for him to be locked in if he wants to be outside.

I would say to the mum "your kids seem to be frightened of dogs so it's probably best if they don't come in". Gives you a good excuse not to end up as a free babysitter too.

Dirtymistress my son is terrified of dogs because some prick let his greyhound worry him on the beach when he was a toddler. It was quite early so there weren't many people on the beach, but there were clearly signs stating that dogs should be on leads on the beach between May and September. It was July.

I shouted to him that the dog should be on a lead and he just waved the lead in his hand at me like I was an idiot because, you know, he did have a lead...

But unfortunately by then the damage was done. He's been terrified ever since and nothing has been able to change that. Before that we have photos of him smiling and patting the dog of someone we knew at the time.

So you tell me where I went wrong in raising him.

yanbu at all, its your house and the dogs house and i am not a dog lover! (allergic)

with regards to children being afraid of dogs, two of mine have gone through phases of this, purely because of irresponsible dog owners who let their dogs jump all over them (out at a park) and the dogs in question were bigger than the boys were at the time. the dog owners were all 'they are just trying to play' yes but when my child is 2 yrs old and your dog is bigger than them, my child doesnt see it as playing.

i have taught all my children that dogs are fine, but you dont touch a dog you dont know, you must always ASK the owner if its ok to pet/stroke/play with the dog, that goes for puppies as well, which incidentally often bite/nip whereas adult dogs dont. its part of them being a puppy and something they learn not to do, ditto jumping up etc.

i would be happy for my children to play with a dog if the owners were there and said it was ok, playing doesnt have to include the dog jumping up on them, even children that arent afraid of dogs can be scared by that, or simply knocked off balance (small children).

thankfully my family members and friends who have dogs are all responsible dog owners, so i know that with supervision the children are fine with the dogs, which helped ds2 and ds4 get over their fear.

is this an unfenced front garden with neighbourhood kids playing out or your own, secure back yard? I say that if it's the former yabu, if it's the latter you most certainly are not!

YANBU, if the mum doesn't like it she shouldn't be letting her kids wander into other people's gardens.

Of course you shouldn't have to shut your dog away or keep your doors closed to accommodate people who've barged in without invitation!

Oh and DirtyMistress

"I always despise that whole dogs being scared of dogs thing anyway.Their parents should have raised them better^.

Well fuck you and the high horse you rode in on

I'd love for my DD not to be so scared of dogs that she would run INTO A ROAD rather than face one.

My DS (her older bro) is great with dogs (obviously nothing to do with my parenting)

She's slowly getting better and can stroke some dogs now.
But we couldn't go to parks, woods etc mainly because of the attitude of people like you.
No doubt if you had a dog you'd tell her it would "Ahh, most likely lick you to death"

It's the licking she's scared off.She's never worried that a dog would bite her. EVER.

(I wouldn't have a dog loose in an unfenced front garden though, not sure if that's what you meant?)

kids being scared of dogs, not dogs being scared of dogs.
Sausage fingers

Find someone with a lovely, chilled out, not bothered by anything dog and actively encourage your child to engage with it. It might take ages but you should still do it. Ignore the fearful reaction if your dc pass a dog on the street. Dogs are everywhere - it would be very sad to have to cross over the road everytime you see one. I think its about exposure. Like I said, I am terrified of spiders but our local playgroup had an animal day where a gentleman came with rats, snakes, rabbits etc. He put a tarantula on my knee whilst DS was sitting with me. Much as I would have loved to run a mile, I just refuse to show that to my son. We also had a python wrapped around us - again I was all smiles whilst dying a little bit inside.

It's my fenced back garden, they've all come bundling through the back gate, aided and abetted by my youngest daughter.

Their Mum's not here to chat, she poked her head in, made her views about the dog known and disappeared again

If invited visiting children are scared of dogs then I am more than happy to accommodate them, but the dog has always been quite good at calming scared kids as he ignores them mostly, he seems to be able to sense their fear and will stay calm and quiet around them.

Today he's just ignoring them, not interested in the slightest, grass clippings are far more interesting to his tiny mind

I don't mind them playing here for a while, we're going out soon so will be kicking them all out anyway

Op YANBU.

dirty mistress I have one DS that love dogs and one that is very wary of them. Nothing todo with how they are raised. Ds1 was put of dogs when someone had their untrained dog off the lead and couldn't stop it bothering him. I had my arms full of ds2, and did eventually get the (very friendly and harmless) lab off ds1. He has since then been rather nervous around dogs, funny that.

I nearly did for the completely infectual adult who wandered up saying "don't worry he's harmless". He may be harmless but he is twice the size of ds1 and you are unable to control him.

It has taken a long time to acclimatise ds1 to dogs again.

70 - I agree, it's not a parenting thing. My dog-fearing DD has a twin sister who loves dogs and will happily allow puppies to chew her (as they sometimes do). They have had the same amount of exposure to the same dogs growing up - it's a personality thing. Some kids are just more wary of toothy/licky things. I don't know how old your DD is, but mine is now 12 and had got gradually better over the years. We were kite flying recently at a country park and an over-excited labrador ran over to join in. She was the first to see him coming and got quite scared, but I pointed out his waggy tail and happy face and she calmed down and ended up laughing with her sister and me as he tangled himself up in the kite-string. His owner was mortified when he caught up and couldn't apologise more - I find that most dog owners are lovely - usually the ones with the lovely dogs!

Yes, Dirtymistress that's the obvious solution!

But can you not see that your earlier assertion that children are scared of dogs because of the way they were raised might have been somewhat inaccurate, offensive and just a bit silly?

My son is scared of them because of a the behaviour of a dog owner, not his parents. Unfortunately, we don't have any friends with dogs. All of our friends are cat people!

Sorry should have added ds1 is now very good with dogs (of the older calmer variety) but it has taken a long time.

Most children are freaked out by dogs if you don't own one, though.

DS regularly stays at his aunt's house and she has a lovely calm chilled out Golden Retriever who he loves and is perfectly happy with, and he's also happy to take DP's parents' dogs for walks etc with us but when we first get there he will shriek if they run up to him.

Spiders are different because they're tiny, so there's no instinctual fear there. But when you're two feet tall and something about the same or half the size of you with massive grinning teeth comes up jumping at you you're likely to freak out unless you're very used to it.

Thing is-if your daughter has brought them round-are they uninvited?

But really if dog is after the grass clipping & children in the playhouse-should be OK!

I wouldn´t send my dog in either.

You are unlikely to pass a tarantuar in the street though DirtyMistress are you.
Or a snake.

I for one detest geese but I make myself hand feed them so I don't pass my distaste to the DC. And they are fine with geese, swans and ducks.

I've tried all the friendly dog stuff.
She's never been bitten or hasselled.
She was knocked over by a boxer in snow when she was 18 months but I don't think she remembers that.

She will gradually come round with a dog in her company for a while.
But that's not what I'm bothered by.
When we walk to school, she'll see a dog and she's looking out of the corner of her eye, or turning her head.
We've had the "What's the worst that would happen if that dog came up to you"? Not worse than a car doing 40mph.

She knows a scared dog will avoid her, an aggressive dog will give warning (hopefully)
A happy dog, out for a walk will say hello, but won't bother her.

Yes dogs are everywhere. Dogs have the right to go to the park, to the shops, walk along the street.
It's when we go round a corner and she's face-to-face that she's suddenly caught out.

So yes I've tried, I'm a good parent IMHO>
I don't expect my DD to love dogs. I just don't want her to fear them.

Just because I have a different opinion to yours doesn't mean I am silly or that I should be told to 'fuck off' - thanks for that 70 is a limit.