...to be pissed off that DH is still friends with someone who doesn't like me?

[Arana]

DH has a work colleague he is good friends with, but me and his friend totally got off on the wrong foot. His friend plainly doesn't like me, even though I've made moves to clear the slate and start afresh.

Aibu that DH is still good friends with this person, and refuses to discuss the while thing?

You've cast yourself as whiny, controlling, bunny boiler now, and that's going to be difficult to move on from. It's also a complete waste of time to try to stop a partner having sex with other people. Someone who wants to remain monogamous will do so. Someone who doesn't, won't.
Someone who is constantly being checked up on, whined at, told what to do and who s/he is allowed to have any interaction with, will either have an affair out of sheer irritation ('If I keep on being accused of it I'm going to bloody well do it') or just leave the screechy inadequate who won't be convinced of fidelity.

OK, there are a very few people who actually get off on having a jealous partner, considering it 'romantic'. These people are utter losers and to be avoided.

Why the need for "mutual socialising" dprince?

I've had colleagues DH couldn't stand and vice-versa. We didn't mix. Actually, it would have complicated the work relationship if we did.

I see, they socialise in groups.

If I couldn't get on with her, and I can see why you can't OP, I'd find a new group of friends.

You do have a reason for disliking this person and say you've tried to be friends to no avail. I think that's pretty big of you - I couldn't do that.

In your shoes I'd expect DH to miss social gatherings where this person was. It's just tough.

She's vile and making a right tit of herself.

I'm sure your mutual friends are not to pleased to have her creating atmosphere at events.

Your husband could do plenty - talking to you about it and stopping any non-essential contact with this horrible cunt would be a start.

She's no friend, and his refusal to recognise that is a problem for your marriage.

I have some sympathy with you in the circs. It depends on what you mean by inappropriate and if you are usually a jealous person. I am learning the hard way to be more suspicious.

Oh - just read your last post. I don't blame you at all.

Your dh is out of order being friends with someone who is actively rude to you.

If she just didn't like you but could be polite then it would be fine, but if she is actually rude to you then your dh shouldn't be standing for it.

There is no way I would be friends with someone that was rude to my dh.

If I were you I'd stop bothering to notice her, or trying to include her in your conversation. I'm not saying you should actively ignore her (that would make you as bad as her) - but stop putting yourself out over it.

From your last post, I would surmise that she is actually pissed off that your DH chose to stick with you and therefore hates you for just existing. (of course, it could still be that she's offended by your suspicion but I doubt it). Leave her to fester in her own resentment, whyever it exists - sometimes there are people in life you just cannot get on with and it saves a lot of time and heartache to just recognise it and move on.

I agree with Thumbwitch - if you are only seeing her in a group situation, don't make any special effort to include her OR to ignore her. No need.

If my DH made himself a new female friend and started going to strip clubs with her (while I was at home looking after our children) and gavinv "lengthy phonecalls" with the new friend then he would be out of the door immediately and I would end our marriage.

If, and it would be a big if, I decided to give our marriage another go, there is not a chance in hell that I would tolerate him continuing being friendly to that person if they were being in any way hostile towards me.

Judging by the responses you've received, that makes me a controlling bunny boiler! I think I've got a healthy amount of respect for myself and I know where the boundaries lie in my marriage.

OP, you have not anything wrong. Whether something physical actually happened or not, your husband has behaved in a totally innappropriate way. You are the most important person in his life and he should be showing respect and loyalty to you by refusing to engage with this woman (apart from basic work manners) unless she acknowledges you and treats you with respect. If you are at a social function together and she's there, she should receive no more than a polite 'hello' from him if she is still ignoring you. Why should you feel awkward? He should be showing her that you come as a team.

YY digestives

She's a colleague. She may be inappropriate and unpleasant but your husband has to work with her and maintain a professional relationship regardless of that and regardless of your feelings.

He's backed off the inappropriate behaviour so there's nothing more you can do. You can't ask someone to freeze out a colleague. Just continue giving her as wide a berth as possible.

Zombie 🧟‍♀️ 🧟‍♀️