Hi - any advice on tackling an awkward Mother-in-law situation please ;)
She's 'nice' but a bit of a matriarch and her (middleaged) kids, including my husband, still kowtow to her...including (his) serving me up as the butt of jokes to entertain and appease her. She/they have always followed this pattern of 'family' set up - it obviously 'keeps her sweet'. One of the group is the butt of the jokes - the clown, the buffer, the fool - an outlet for her sharp, sometimes cruel sense of 'humour'. Her late husband was the butt before me. It was all a bit 'one foot in the grave' /only fools and horses comedy sketch type stuff.
You know the type of thing - 'gentle' (?!) constant ribbing about memory lapses..."ooh, memory loss, well you want to see this one...she puts the Marmite in the fridge and the marg in the cupboard...oooh ha ha...what a silly old sausage ha ha!" and other such acutely funny and hilarious (constant) gentle jibes...Its usually when we visit her and can be combined with tutting and frowning to accompany other 'silly' things I do, like when we visit a cafe for tea and I choose to take the food off the tray and place it nicely on the table instead of eating from the tray on the table, or other such 'wallyish' behaviour...it.it makes me feel totally stupid, feeble, unwanted, clownish and third rate. They all have such a belly snigger at me, their stupid old buffer/blithering idiot (who is actually thought of as a fairly talented, intelligent, attractive and kind person by her friends outside of this setup). This has taken place regularly now every Christmas and all other visits to her. The other daughter in law gets it sometimes, but she is absent from these gatherings a lot more now (I dont know how she managed that!). To make it worse - the mother in law is now 14 months a widow - so 'needs' more cheering up and 'taking her mind off her loss' - hence my 'forgiving' it for the months following the immediate bereavement.
I lost my mother 4 years ago to 10 years of leukaemia and my father 10 years ago to bowel cancer. I have one disabled brother only. I understand bereavement and the need for kindness, but I never generated situations wherein someone was labelled and treated as the clown, simply to distract me from my sorrows. I have a very good sense of humour - but it never involves singling anyone out for re-designing their 'role' in a social set up.
To make it worse - the visits will step up now as Christmas will approach. Ive talked to my husband about this - he's promised (again and again) to stop it and is sympathetic - but the minute we are in her house, it starts again. I spend time crying or fuming or texting friends in her bathroom, craving to just get out. Yet, when we go out for a little walk, she reaches for my arm to cling onto (Les Dawson style!!) down the street! I resent this as surely clowns/old fools shouldnt be capable of supporting (quite a lot heavier than me too!) old ladies?!
Help. Any witty remarks would be helpful to throw back at them/her when the butt of jokes thing starts would be welcome. I have no mum now to ask for advice! Help! kindest wishes and thanks xx