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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be scared to death our childminder has erected a swimming pool in her garden?

139 replies

NotAnotherNewNappy · 25/07/2012 18:45

Just picked the DS's up from our normally lovely CM to find she now has a pool in her garden

It's one of those big paddling pools (about 3 foot high, 8 foot wide - I only had a quick look). She explained it was for the bigger kids and that she bought the bigger size so DS (14mo) wouldn't be able to climb into it. Now the thought of DS somehow managing to push a step to it and climb in unnoticed has left me feeling queasy. I also have a 4yo DD, but I think she's big enough to stand up in it... But does this mean it's safe for her?

AIBU? I have suffered PND and anxiety so have no idea. All I know is drowning is the second most common reason for death among young children and that if she'd had the bloody thing when I was looking for a CM then I'd never have hired her.

OP posts:

Original poster

NotAnotherNewNappy · 26/07/2012 01:30

Thanks everyone. I rang and explained I just couldn't send the DC to her as long as the pool was up... I wouldn't have a pool myself and I wouldn't be able to rest easy while the DC were with her knowing the pool was there... she has now emptied it. I feel it was a very shitty position of her to put me in really, but relieved that I have now dealt with it.

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/07/2012 01:32

Did you get hold of her?

if she'd had the bloody thing when I was looking for a CM then I'd never have hired her

Isn't this the important point??

Tell her that ^^ - tell her (nicely) that the pool goes or your two children do.

FWIW I would want more information before deciding if YABU or if YANBU, but that is completely irrelevant - it doesn't matter how many MNers say YABU or YANBU - they are your children and you have to make that call.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/07/2012 01:33

x-posted.

What did she say? How did she react?

msrantsalot · 26/07/2012 01:36

well it seems like a happy outcome OP she probably thought she was doing a good thing but responded well to your concerns, she sounds like a great CM as pool probably cos t her a pretty penny and other mindees would think it was great, she shows real concern for your POV I think you have a good one there

Ozziegirly · 26/07/2012 05:09

Sounds like a good outcome. I have a pool (also in Oz) and even though it's fenced I wouldn't want to supervise 5 children of differing ages around the house and garden with it.

BeatriceBean · 26/07/2012 06:30

Just out of curiosity at what age would a child be safe with a paddling pool while mum nips to the loo etc. I watchtmw pre schooler like a hawk but presumably at some point before adulthood they LSD safe?

Accuracyrequired · 26/07/2012 07:13

"We have 3 children aged 6 (with SN) almost 5, and 3. We have half-filled it and allowed the children to use it while we are inside, with regular checks to see that we can see their faces, etc."

This is nuts and it's good you know that your children risk drowning. I really hope you change what you do.

Accuracyrequired · 26/07/2012 07:24

Beatrice: hawk is good I think you are right.

I'm a bit lazy and slack abotu lots of things but not water safety. As someone said earlier drowning can be swift and silent. I wish I could answer your question but I literally can't remember what four, five and six year olds are capable of. I know I wouldn't let two nine-year-olds/ten-year-olds swim without an adult watching, even very capable swimmers. That doesn't really help does it? Also I am very, very hot on water safety so some people might think I'm overprotective.

Ilovedaintynuts · 26/07/2012 07:46

YANBU

I currently have one of these pools in my own garden for my OWN children and I'm so worried I'm not sure I trust myself

Yes they are lots of fun but the risks are so great, I am genuinely worried. My youngest DC is 23 months.

I would NOT trust someone else with my most precious possession. Sorry.

SaraBellumHertz · 26/07/2012 07:48

It comes down to whether you trust your CM or not: accidents can happen anywhere.

We have a pool - it is not fenced or covered as my older DC (7 & 6) are capable swimmers and my youngest would never be outside unaccompanied. However we have extremely strict rules:

No one is left unaccompanied in the garden.

If the phone/door whatever goes whilst we're in the pool the kids sit on side of pool until I return. I always take the baby with me.

The door to the garden remains locked if an adult is not downstairs and shut at all other times.

My DC know that the rules in relation to the pool are absolutely non negotiable. I would want the CM to have the same outlook as I do

Stateofplay · 26/07/2012 08:20

Good result OP and I'm sure on reflection your child minder will agree. Often it takes another person to point out risks that are right under ones nose, yet after it all looks so obvious.

As others have said, the UK on the whole is not as swimming-pool savvy when it comes to childrens safety as warmer countries, which increasingly have a raft of legislation in place, such as fences around every French swimming pool and so on.

Drowning is so scary because it's a fatality that can happen so fast and silently.

Bartusmaeus · 26/07/2012 08:42

Agree good result.

I read on another thread in mumsnet that drowning is silent, not thrashing around. Someone mentionned that they were in a pool chatting with friends, and no one noticed one of their friends silently sinking to the bottom, drowning. Fortunately someone at the other end of the pool did notice but it's a horrible thought being less than a metre away from your friend drowning and not noticing.

Will try and find the link to the thread. It really opened me eyes.

fudgesmummy · 26/07/2012 08:52

I've been a childminder for over 19 years and you are totally right to be upset at this situation. I would NEVER have a pool of that size filled up when I had minded children in my house. When its hot we have the water table out and that's all. Even though I consider the risk of drowning is nill with this (table is on legs and the children stand next to it) I still take everything out into the garden with me (drinks, suncream, nappies, phone etc) so the children will never be left unsupervised. My downstairs loo is right next to the back door so I can supervise visits while still seeing the children standing at the water table. I hope that your relationship with your childminder can recover after this situation but I can understand that you are shocked at her shocking lack of judgement.

Bartusmaeus · 26/07/2012 09:00

Drowning doesn't look like drowning

Very important to read.

JustFabulous · 26/07/2012 09:06

Lougle you say you acept there is a risk. Are you going to continue to leave your children in the pool while you are inside the house?

I feel statistics are irrelevant if your child is the one in however many that dies.

sheeplikessleep · 26/07/2012 09:10

I've just returned from holiday in a villa.
I was outside one morning with my DSs, I was cleaning the pool. I heard a splash, looked up and saw DS2 (2 years old) had fallen in. I ran over and pulled him out. He was in for literally probably less than 10 seconds, though it felt like hours. Other than the splash in and me being outside with him, I don't think I'd have realised. What was horrid was that he wasn't head upright as you sort of think of someone splashing about. He went under and came back up to the surface, but was lying face down and his arms were moving a bit. Visually, it really really shook me up, seeing him like that. I'm probably over paranoid now and he was in for seconds, literally, but I was shaking like a leaf. DS2 was running around and giggling 5 minutes later. I now have a ridiculous fear of pools and wouldn't let him walk around it unsupervised after that.

JustFabulous · 26/07/2012 09:13

SarahBellamHertz you said this
"If the phone/door whatever goes whilst we're in the pool the kids sit on side of pool until I return. I always take the baby with me."

What age are these children that sit on the side of the pool? It seems to me it isn't the best option for leaving them alone.

onebigwish · 26/07/2012 09:44

"No one is left unaccompanied in the garden.

If the phone/door whatever goes whilst we're in the pool the kids sit on side of pool until I return."

Don't those two points contradict each other?

diddl · 26/07/2012 09:54

Same happened to me, sheep

Toddler wanted to go in I said OK-was just putting a tshirt on & then followed out-but by the time I got there he was face down in the "star" position.

Luckily I just pulled him out-but I was just behind him & never heard a thing.

It was a shared pool & someone else was running over.

As I got him out he said-"mummy-did you see me swimming"??!!

sheeplikessleep · 26/07/2012 10:06

The star position was totally right, I can visualise him like it now and it brings tears to my eyes. I now know he was in no real danger as I was there and it was literally seconds, but seeing him in that position is exactly how you see in movies or whatever.

Likewise, DS2 was totally fine, albeit a bit shocked and open eyed when I pulled him out, a few minutes later he was giggling and running around (whilst I was having a very strong and sweet cup of tea!).

BIL says he had same when he was about 3 or 4 years old. All he remembers is seeing his Dad dive in and pull him out. But he says he can't remember it being a distressing or upsetting experience, just a bit weird.

I think day to day, you don't really think of things like this. But seeing how quickly it can happen, I am so ultra careful now around water.

SaraBellumHertz · 26/07/2012 10:07

Onebigwish yes sorry I wasn't clear. My older kids (6 &7) are allowed in the garden on their own. I do not leave my youngest or in the garden either on her own or with the older DC.

SaraBellumHertz · 26/07/2012 10:13

Onebigwish yes sorry I wasn't clear. My older kids (6 &7) are allowed in the garden on their own. I do not leave my youngest or other children (guests) in the garden either on their own or with the older DC.

Justfabulous - I don't think there is an issue leaving them alone on the side of the pool. They both know that should they get in the pool in those curcumstances the pool will be emptied never to be refilled - It is the one area where I have had 100% cooperation from them.

They are also both excellent swimmers.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/07/2012 11:59

Sara - please read 'silent drowning' once you do, you will never leave them alone on the side of the pool again I'm sure. All it takes is for them to lean too far forward to pick up a ball/leaf/ladybird. Drowning isn't about whether they can swim or not, it's about how the body reacts and quite often it goes into a state where you cannot move your limbs even though you know it's what you need to do. I have read about adults who have been in a waist deep pool, lost their footing and gone under - they would have drown if someone hadn't rescued them. They didn't bang their heads or anything.

I don't want to knock you as if you don't know about that, what you do seems reasonably safe and a lot better than what a lot of parents do ... but honestly, they can drown even if they can swim and they can slip in so easily.

treadheavily · 26/07/2012 12:56

I'd take my child out. The fact she seems quite blase about it is worrying plus the fact I'm neurotic about dangers of drowning would seal it for me.

SaraBellumHertz · 26/07/2012 16:41

chipping I've read silent drowning but don't really understand your point?

You say it's not about being able to swim but if that's so then no one should ever swim without supervision, something I regularly do and see absolutely no reason to stop.

Both DD1 and DS1 are good swimmers - obviously I wouldn't leave them if they weren't. The chances of one of them accidentally falling in and then panicking to such a degree that they couldn't reach the side is so I remote as to be in my opinion irrelevant.

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