To not hand over one of DD's birthday gifts?

[WelshMaenad]

it was dd's birthday last week, she was six. We received a parcel and separate card in the post from DH's older brother.

However, it was my son's birthday back in April and he received nothing from the same uncle, no card or even call/text etc. We haven't really heard from thus brother for months, he lives quite far away from us, and we in turn live quite far from the rest of DH's family.

I sent him a text saying that we'd received dd's gift but were surprised we hadn't heard from him at ds's birthday months ago. No reply, but the following day he left a message on my voicemail saying they were sorry, he just forgot, awernern't deliberately treating them differently.

Thing us - he IS, because there's been nothing forthcoming for DS. No belated card, gift, or anything. I'm not materialistic, I'm more about the thought than a gift, and I'm just as annoyed that on realising he'd forgotten, which he must have done, he didn't make the effort to acknowledge it, to ring and apologise or send him a wee card. It took me confronting him to get a reaction.

I have not given dd the gift yet, and tbh I just want to send it back to him, because in my eyes you don't give to one without the other. WDYT?

AND WASN'T. I don't really know what the old iPhone did there.

It is possible to forget-its only a week since you reminded him.I'd give your dd the gift and see what happens at Christmas.You dont want to create a permanent rift in the family I am sure.

If this is the first time it's happened I'd let it go.

I'm not that bothered actually. I know that makes me sound like a bitch. But we rarely see or hear from him, so it would make precisely zero difference to me.

Is it something you could say he sent as a joint present?

It sounds like he just forgot. No point in blowing it out of proportion. It'll just taint future birthdays.

Argh. We have a grandparent who is a bit like this.
Dh (tis his mother) is very firm and points out that she has missed dd's birthday and ds's is coming up soon..... and things do get better.
But we had a huge battle over her bringing gifts for one and not the other when visiting.

very frustrating.

No advice as I am not sure what i would do if dd's present hadn't arrived 3 ish weeks ago (2 months after her b'day) - ds's birthday was today and pressie was there 2 days early. Really can't decide what I would have done.....

How old is your son? Does he know/remember that he didn't get anything from the Uncle? Will either of your children notice that one got something and the other didn't?

If they will notice, then I'd keep it back. If not, not.

I dont think you have the right to withhold something for a child. Sorry but YABU. Your moral high ground doesn't come into it.

It's the first time he's forgotten (tbf DS is only 2 so there have been limited opportunities to forget/remember) but not the first time DS has been treated less favourably than dd by DH's family in general, so I accept that I am possibly being oversensitive on behalf if my lovely son.

You are being oversensitive, and petty.

They won't notice. I will, but that's different I know.

She's not wanting for gifts, she was spoiled rotten by my family/our friends/my sisters husbands family who have seemingly adopted them as surrogate great/grandchildren.

I can see why you're taking it to heart if it's 'not the first time DS has been treated less favourably than dd by DH's family in general.' I'd go and buy your DS a treat and take the money out of your Christmas present budget for DH's family

I think NarkedRaspberry has the right idea.

It's really not a big deal. I would give your dd the pressie and not worry about it. Your DS is too young to be aware any way.

I'm sure if your BIL is that disinterested her will do equal opportunities forgetfulness pretty soon

If you aren't too bothered then just give the gift to your DD.

give the present and don't make a big deal of it.

The present was meant well and should be given.

Your ds is only 2, he won't notice, your making an issue out of nothing. You might not care if it causes a rift but it's not just you that will be affected.

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If you are "not that bothered" why are you threatening to send back the gift he has sent for your daughter?

I think this might be the way forward narkedraspberry!

I think I am just overreacting a bit because poor DS seems to be less important to PIL.

I will give her the present tomorrow and go buy DS something Thomas related! they won't have a bloody clue but I'll feel like things are more balanced.

Ta for the perspective!

YABU. I would not worry about this at all. You DB forgot a pressie for his nephew it's not worth worrying about. I have had this happen and my DC's know that they don't always end up with the same. They are not fussed about it. I have always found that the eldest DC gets more than the younger ones but it doesn't bother me at all.